Busy, Living Life

Where have I been? I’ve been busy living life, and you know what? It’s been bloody great.

Admittedly, despite me saying that I was going to keep on blogging but with a slightly different vibe… it hasn’t quite worked out like that. I thought that my ‘dating break’ wouldn’t affect my blogging, but it totally has. The less time I’ve spent on dating sites and on Twitter… the more the urgency to write blog posts has dwindled.

I’ve been busy doing the things I love the do. I’ve been socialising with friends, I’ve been planning holidays (since my last blog post I’ve been to Paris, I’m going to Madrid next month and I’ve already booked a Caribbean trip for next year), working hard (I’ve started a new job) and I’ve been spending quality time with my family.

I can’t say I’ve missed trawling dating sites for dates. I can’t say I’ve missed it one bit. In fact, although I’ve made conscious efforts to date in other ways (more on that another time), I’ve really enjoyed not feeling like I’m flogging it to death all for the sake of having something to write about.

I’m That Cute Chick

I’m not unattractive. Then again, I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. I do admit I am hugely biased, but I happen to think I’m far from ugly. Unfortunately though, thanks to this dating malarkey, my confidence has been shot to hell. Over the past nine months I’ve been dating like a mofo and I’ve been putting myself  ‘out there’ more than I normally would but apart from a few entertaining disastrous stories to share at dinner parties, I haven’t seen any substantial fruits of my labour. Why is it so bloody hard for me when it comes to these things? If I’m pimping myself out so much then why aren’t I seeing results?

Book Review: Lori Gottlieb’s ‘Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough’

A couple of months ago I wrote about what I’ve since learnt is a hot topic for lots of single women today, the ongoing internal battle on whether to settle for Mr Good Enough or to keep on searching for the notorious ‘Mr Right’.

Waiting for Mr Perfect…

In the post I referred to Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough, a book by Lori Gottlieb and as promised, I bought the book and had a good read of it whilst I was away on my solo adventure.

The book features Lori exploring a major issue that faces women today – how you do deal with having a strong desire for a husband and family but at the same time not wanting to settle for anything less than the perfect man? Lori believes that single women everywhere need to stop chasing the much sought after Mr Perfect and instead opt for Mr Good Enough.

Book blurb: You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven’t found The One just yet. Surely he’ll come along, right? But what if he doesn’t? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn’t realize it?

I enjoyed reading the book but while it did make an interesting read, I was slightly surprised to discover that I disagreed with a lot of of what Lori was saying. Mainly for two reasons: firstly, because I’m not on a huge mission to get married. I don’t know why but, even though I do love a good wedding, I personally don’t see marriage as on the cards for me (maybe a subject for another blog post?). Also because secondly, unlike a number of female case studies in the book, I’ve never experienced having that ‘good enough’ guy who I stupidly dumped to go in pursuit of Mr Perfect. I’ve never actually ‘had’ anyone. *Insert sad smiley face here*. However, those main two factors aside, there were quite a few parts of the book that struck a chord.

Here are some of my favourite passages from “Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough”. Passages I feel echo my own personal thoughts, feelings and experiences. Or ones that at least got me thinking:

Whether we admit it or not, being single is often lonely, especially by the time we reach our mid-thirties and many of our friends are busy with families of their own.

So many women say they’d rather be alone than settle, but then they’re alone and miserable – and still holding out for the same unrealistic standards. They assume their soul mate will appear and it will have been worth the wait. Then they’re blindsided and shocked when that doesn’t happen. And it’s too late

Women never want what’s available. If they can’t find the perfect guy at thirty, they move on to find something better. But they don’t learn from this. Even if they’re still alone five years later, they get pickier.

I’d always heard that dating gets harder the older you get, but I’d never really taken it seriously before. I didn’t consider that one decision – say, passing up a good guy because “something was missing” – could change the course of my life forever.

The conclusion I came to is that Lori’s saying ‘Mr Perfect’ doesn’t actually exist and who you think might be ‘Mr Good Enough’ could actually be ‘Mr Right’ in disguise. Definitely worth bearing in mind and, definitely worth a read.

Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb is available from all good book outlets.

Headed For A Solo Adventure

So this is it. I’m actually doing this. Tomorrow I’m travelling across the Atlantic Ocean to take on both The Big Apple and the beautiful island of Barbados, all on my lonesome. Scary, but exciting at the same time.

The downside of being single at my age is that most of my friends already have holiday plans with their boyfriends or they’re staying at home with their hubbies and babies. Hold up, let me be more truthful. I did have someone to travel with in the beginning. At first I was going to NYC with one of my oldest, dearest friends. You know, that friend you went to junior, secondary school and college with? The friend who you were inseparable from as a teenager? Well, that’s her. Despite our shared childhood we have very different adult lives. She’s been with her ‘other half’ since they were 17 and they have a 13 yr old son. So whilst I’m up here in London living the single life, she’s back in our hometown living the family life. Anyway, she decided she’d finally have some fun and come along with me for a girlie trip but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be. A month after we booked our flights and accommodation, she discovered she was pregnant. Wonderful news considering they’d been trying for awhile but not so wonderful for our plans.

After a few weeks of trying to find a replacement travel buddy I gave in to the realisation that I was going to do this alone. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more excited I got! I’ve travelled alone before, a couple of nights in Paris, a couple of nights in Amsterdam but I’ve never done anything on as big a scale as this but hey, that’s what makes it exciting isn’t it? It’s a brand new experience, a chance to meet new people, a chance to be selfish and to go where I want, for how long I want with nobody to tell me otherwise. I know some people in NYC and I have relatives and friends in Barbados, so I can choose when exactly I want to be alone. Perfect!

Also, another positive is that apparently people (ahem, men) are more likely to strike up a conversation with a lone female. Not in a ‘creepy axe murderer’ kinda way but in an ‘he thinks I look more approachable and then he’s going to go gaga over my British accent’ kinda way. Here’s hoping my trip brings opportunities and of course,  heaps of hot men.

See you on the other side my lovelies, until then, feel free to check out some personal pics from my previous NYC & Barbados trips.

TSF
x

New York City

The view from my hotel room, NYC, June 2006

Times Square at night

The Brooklyn Bridge, looking at Manhattan

Barbados (and yes, it really is this beautiful!)

The Boatyard Beach, Bridgetown

Dover Beach, Christchurch

Sunset at Paynes Bay, St James