Over the course of the past few months, at regular intervals, I’ve been posting the really bad messages I get on POF (PlentyOfFish.com) on Twitter. The messages are actually so bad they’re good. So bad that they often make me giggle. So bad that I’m guilty of breaking out the POF inbox when having cocktail based nights-in with my girlfriends. Most would break out the DVDs or photo albums, but not me, I break out my laptop. A POF inbox makes for an interesting evenings worth of entertainment, especially when you’re already giggly thanks to too many homemade alcolic beverages.
These guys are feckin' HI-LAR-IOUS!
In the past I’ve been told the messages I share on Twitter are turning me into somewhat of a comedian, but the thing is, I really can’t take all of the credit… the credit must go to the many ‘delightful’, ‘flattering’ and ‘oh so articulate’ men who insist on sending me such comical messages.
Fellow blogger The Hopeful Romantic suggested I should do a blog post on the many cringe worthy messages I’ve received. I once (way back in the day) wrote a post on My Online Dating Pet Peeves, but this is different. Today’s post is dedicated, solely, to the ‘Messages on POF’.
Please do bear in mind, these are all real honest-to-goodness messages I have received on POF. They are all first time messages, so I guess they can be classed as introductions. I have not tampered with any, no editing has been done whatsoever and they appear in full. I have not changed any spelling, grammar or exaggerated anything for entertainment purposes. These guys are really just this abrupt, really this slimy and really this clueless – with no help from me.
I hope they bring you as much amusement (or should that be bewilderment?) as they have brought me…
- “you put some nice pics on your profile, it will be good to go out on a date with you, we we will have much to talk about!”
- “your smile is doing it honey :)”
- “i like u”
- “you look hot”
- “how u doing gergous?xxx”
- “Hi how are you? you are very nice, ciao”
- “hey u r a scorpio, u nice !!!”
- “hoii ya looking great as usual”
- “you look gorgeous and i like you”.
- “you’re a cutie ;-)”
- “Text me, 079xxx xxxxxxx”
- “Morning Cheeky”
- “hiya, u’ve got quite an admirable appearance i must say; certainly the looks of a black queen! regrettably, cant help sounding rather flattery or being perceived as disingenuous, but i’m being honest as i possibly can, from just gazing at your photos posted here. hoping my guess is not quite far from d real you!!”
I guess these guys think their messages are somehow flattering but does anyone else find it funny (or, ahem, scary) that grown men seem to think it’s okay to approach a woman like this?
The Single Filez 
The best ones I ever got were;
“hi 🙂 how r u ??? dis is daniel n u ???”
“I loved your photo ..bur expecially what you wrote in your profile.. (Have you ever thought about turning your hand to writing?) Would love to get to know you.. What part of London are you based in?
x” (If only he knew….)
“You’re in banking. I’m smart too.”
I agree with you, some of these guys really know how to win a lady over!
“dis is daniel n u ???”
Wow. I have no words.
Yeah, those are pretty bad. As a guy, I don’t get a ton of first messages (I’m usually sending them) but when I do they’re almost always bad. The one time I got a good one, it turned out it was copied and pasted to me but I didn’t mind since we were on our 8th date when she admitted that.
Sometimes I will just get a reply that says, “hahahahah”. WTF am I supposed to do with that?
Awesome. Online dating is such a phenomenon.
I gave up after I found myself on a date with a thug who had a tatoo on his face.
(Which pretty much means I am going to die alone because I can’t seem to meet people in real life on my own.)
He had a tattoo on his face… how did you not know that ahead of time?
@Brooke Famer You actually scare me sometimes. I think the coincidences are too much… I too believe “I am going to die alone because I can’t seem to meet people in real life”. What the frick is up with having to rely on online dating for dates? Sheesh.
Also, @Date Hater has a point. If it was online dating, how did you not know the guy had a tatt on his face??
Lol to the nth. “gergous”? Not serious.
I know, right? I particularly liked “hey u r a scorpio, u nice !!!”
at first I thought my favorite was going to be “hoii…” because not only is “hoii” being used…but it’s a two i situation…really buddy? really? but then I got to the next one and I knew I’d found my man. You simply have to give me his profile. So I can message him. My new boyfriend. In hopes that he’ll like me. As much as he does you.
“you look gorgoues and I like you”
ahahhahahha Awesome. Yesterday a boy (if you saw my tweet yesterday, the same one who told this 29 yr old I looked 22 *cough bullshit*) told me that he had to change his pants and wipe the drool off his computer after seeing my pics. Now if that doesn’t make a girl swoon I don’t know what does.
I’m dying over here… if only you knew how much you make me giggle. “Hoii” is particularly special, isn’t it?
I don’t get it. Jokes aside, the boy you mentioned (yes, I saw the tweet!) he honestly thinks that by telling you he had to change his pants, that you would want to date him? I don’t get the logic. Total wackjobs!
Wow… who are these guys?
I don’t even want to know my dear. Don’t even want to know…
I didn’t know because every photo he had posted on the site favored the left side of his face. He really, blatantly HID it from potential dates- as if we might not notice when we met him in real life (or as if him ending the date with the words, “So, we gonna f@#$ or not?” was going to be so charming that we would get over the face tat and jump into bed.)
Yup. That was pretty much the last online meetup I braved.
I am actually writing a guest post about that date for another blogger right now.
Oh dear…. *sad face*
“hoii ya looking great as usual” – what in the what?? Stalker much?!?
Crazy huh? Like, how would he know what I usually look like?!
Fan of your blog…I just love to hear stories from other single girls…it’s amazing to me how there are this many lame guys out there…makes me wonder what the chances are of actually finding a good guy.
Anyways…just wanted to share the best one I’ve ever heard: ‘I could be your special friend $$’. This was said in a text message to a friend of mine from an online find.
Unfortunately, he was dead serious.
So, what are you expecting? some long-winded diatribe about politics? Some insanely clever gimmick that will laugh you out of your panties? my favorite are the POF women with blatant cleavage shots then have some remark in their profile about how guys using pictures without shirts are douche bags. Strong hypocrisy and stronger lols
Are you serious? I never once said in this post that I was expecting the world. Like any other normal person on a dating site, I’m hoping for messages that are a nice introduction, a little conversational, with half decent spelling (and definitely no text speak) and hey, maybe a message that comes across as being written by someone well versed in social interaction.
I’m afraid I don’t know anything about “POF women with blatant cleavage shots”, thats not my style.
Haaaa ha! Love this! My best one was “You look like you like bumming. Do you?”
I didn’t reply.
I always knew there were some real Einsteins out there in cyberland making it harder for the rest of us trying to find someone special. And I thought it was POF site. Since they started charging for premium membership. My mistake, seems the stalker type is scaring all the women into hiding.
Your first mistake was saying approach… It’s not reall approaching you at all, rather sending 500 generic messages hoping one girl laughs or finds it sad enough to reply. Plenty of fish, just cause you laugh doesn’t mean the next girl isn’t eating it up….. Also if girls didn’t make lane one line profiles we’d have a bit more to go off other then the one good photo you took 6 years ago that they have in their profile
Just been introduced to your blog, and this post is hilarious. I used to be on POF before I had to wean myself off for the sake of my sanity.
Best message I ever received:
“You albino spanking c*nt”
So tempted to rejoin just for the entertainment factor.
That the author of this article would be so insensitive as to share personal (yes, they are!) messages, usually sent with some trepidation by men used to being spurned, shows a spectacular lack of class on her part. I would contend that these fellows should be glad that she saw fit to overlook their overtures (awkward as they may have been.)
Why, thanks! Glad you enjoyed reading my blog… NOT.
Can dish it out, but can’t take it, eh? Classless AND Gutless.
Oh, for sure. Hope you pass by and read again. Because if I were you, what I’d really want to do is spend my valuable time reading and commenting on blogs that I DON’T like.
Well maybe you can help me out here. There are a few of us nice guys on pof that have morals and know how to be respectful to a lady, but it seems like all these douche selfish jerks have ruined it for the rest of us good guys. I feel like girls take it as sarcasm when we write a decent message with common likes we share. I always maje sure