I first came close to writing about Natalie Lue – of Baggage Reclaim fame – back in October 2010 when I attended her ‘Mr Unavailable’ workshop in central London. But now, a little over a year later, I’m very proud to say that Natalie’s teachings about the dangers of the dreaded Mr Unavailable are now available in print for all to buy.
About Natalie. I’ve known her via Twitter for a little while now and I have also met her twice in real life. I can honestly say that not only is this woman an absolute sweetheart, but she is also extremely wise. I don’t know how’s she done it, but Natalie has taken her personal experiences and observations and parlayed them into a full time job AND a book deal to boot!
If you haven’t checked out the Baggage Reclaim website, you don’t follow Natalie on Twitter or haven’t even seen her pearls of wisdom about “assclowns” (her word, not mine) when she comments on my blog posts please do have a read of a few of my favourite excerpts from her first published (there have been ebooks previously) book – Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl.
“While I’ve educated many thousands of people on the perils of unavailable relationships and what healthy, committed relationships look like, this is also a journey in recognising that if you can’t date with your self-esteem in tow, you need to stop dating until you can. Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl will help you to stop being a passenger in shady, depleting relationships and stop treating these broken men like they’re messiahs while you’re someone who has to clamour around them for crumbs of attention, affection, and hints of commitment. These crumbs don’t become loaves and will leave you hungry for a real relationship. I want you to read this book and recognise that you need the loaf, a whole load and nothing but the loaf.
Pursuing or having relationships with Mr Unavailable is symbolic of your need to learn to love yourself more and to set some boundaries and have better standards.”
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. Nice little saying, that. Not sure where exactly it comes from but I do like it. Only thing is, it doesn’t explain what happens when you fool me, THREE times. That’s exactly what I allowed East End Boy to do.
I can now come clean and admit that East End Boy got back in touch with me a few weeks ago. Typically, not too long after I decided that there wasn’t much point in me dating for the foreseeable future, he got back in touch. There I was, minding my own business, when I got a text from him;
It didn’t take very long, but things have already gone sour with East End Boy. I spent my evening sat at home eating Marks & Spencers chunky chocolate cheesecake (it’s amazing, go buy it) when I was supposed to be out having my first non week-night date with a guy who I was actually excited about. I wish I was able to explain exactly why I was home stuffing my face and drinking wine (pity party, much?) instead of being out enjoying a date, but I can’t, because I don’t even know the answer to that one myself. However, I can tell you how it all played out…
Our first date was so enjoyable that I stayed out until 1am on a week night. That same night we made plans to meet up again at the weekend. Last Sunday, despite the fact it was raining cats and dogs and I wanted to stay cosy indoors, I went on our second date. It turned out to be the best date that I’ve had in a very long time. We went for a walk around Spitalfields market and ate dinner and shared dessert at Giraffe. Like before; plenty of good conversation, plenty of laughter, plenty of discovering we had many things in common and generally having a really good time.
We got a bit smoochy when it was time to say goodbye (PDA alert!) and he asked the same question he asked at the end of our first date, “when am I’m going to see you again?”. I was crazy busy over the next week but we managed to agree on a convenient day for us both. When I pointed out that we’d be seeing eachother again in only two short nights’ he laughed, he hugged me and he said “you’re not used to this are you?”. I admitted that it’d been a long time.
I got home and realised I had double booked myself. I already had plans on the evening I was to meet him. I wanted to see him but I didn’t want to let my friends down, so when we spoke on the phone the following night, I told him I’d do both. I’d spend a couple of hours with my friends and then meet him afterwards. He wasn’t happy with that idea because it would mean we’d only get to spend a couple of hours together. He suggested moving our date to another evening (tonight) when we’d have more time. He said, (NB: HE said), that he wanted to spend time with me to get to know me. I thought it was sweet and I was totally up for the idea of seeing him at the weekend.
After writing about my ‘Nice, But Nothing Special‘ date with The Fireman, I got to thinking that I’m in danger of sounding a bit like stuck record. It dawned on me that a pattern is emerging with regards to the guys I’ve dated who I thought were ‘nice’. While they were all lovely and had done nothing wrong, the thing they all had in common is that they didn’t stimulate me in any way.
No-one enjoys being bored... right?
Italian Guy – He was very sweet and lovely and to be fair, I did go out with him twice even though I wasn’t hugely impressed after the first date. However, I still didn’t feel anything and was definitely turned off after he threw a strop when I didn’t reply to a text message as fast as he would’ve liked.
Older Guy – At first, I was excited by the idea of a older man who was really sweet and gentlemanly but by the time it got to six dates in, all I could wonder was, where on earth were the fireworks? He was a lovely guy but something was missing. It wasn’t exciting. There were no butterflies. No flirting. No late night phonecalls. No anticipation. No nothing. Next!
The Chatty Policeman – A policeman who boxed in his spare time, should’ve been interesting, right? He seemed sweet and like me, was a non-Londoner who had moved to the Big Smoke but once again I knew after the first date that I wasn’t excited but thought it was worth a second date just to be sure. On the second date he told me that he’d told his Mum about me and I knew I had to break it off.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all interested a ‘bad boy’. No siree. I just want someone who is nice… and interesting. Nice… with a bit of oomph. I came across an article on Ask Men where a female writer lists the reasons she believes ‘nice guys finish last‘. I think she sums it up brilliantly here: