How To Kill A Relationship Before It Even Starts

Just the other day my Twitter bud @WendiWrites reminded me that in part two of my ‘Get The Guy’ Women’s Weekend post I promised to go into more detail about the ‘Keep The Guy’ section. I’d completely forgotten that I was going to write about it (thanks Wendi!) but definitely feel I should. This was the part of the workshop that spoke to me the most, because this is the part I always fall down on. You may not see it from reading this blog, but I can actually attract the guys. Maybe not so much recently, but attracting guys never used to be my issue. What’s always been my problem is keeping the guys once they’re attracted.

For instance, there was the guy who lied about who he was and then my whirlwind three month romance that included two international trips, lots of sex and all kinds of promising potential… until he disappeared off the face of the earth.  Obviously I can’t help but wonder if its down to me falling for the wrong type of guy or if its down to something I do or say. For it to happen once or twice is understandable, but for it to happen over and over again, to the point of me being 34 and never having had a long term relationship tells me it could be me. So when dating coach Matt Hussey said this part of the weekend was going to look at the six major factors that often kill a relationship before it gets started, my ears perked right up. Was I finally going to get the explanation I’d been wanting for so long? Was I finally going to find out what it is that I do or say that always seems to kill potential relationships dead?

Here are the six major factors that can kill a relationship before it starts:

Dating Boot Camp Weekend: Day 2

'Get The Guy' DEFO gives you a lot to think about...

After a very jam-packed day one,  day two of the Get The Guy Women’s Weekend kicked off with the trainers giving us feedback on how we performed the night before. Did we breakthrough any barriers? How many men did we speak to? Yada, yada, yada. I’m ashamed to say that I let myself down and didn’t approach any men whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong, I did speak to lots of men but only after someone else (a trainer, one of the other ladies) broke the ice first.  Even thought there  weren’t any guys in the bar that I fancied, I still didn’t have the guts to walk up to one and strike up a conversation from scratch.

The feedback I received from the trainers confirmed what I already knew, that I’m absolutely fine when speaking to men. They noticed I had no problem keeping a conversation flowing. They said I came across as confident, fun and engaging. They also said it doesn’t make sense because elements of my job are way more scary than approaching a random guy. I’ve worked with celebrities. I’ve met people whose work I admire. I’ve had to walk up to the likes of Will Smith, Tyrese, Paul Walker and John Legend and introduce myself. I’ve had to tell them where they need to be or who they need to speak to. The trainers  (very rightly so) said that to some people, introducing themselves to a celeb would be way more nervewracking than approaching ‘some dude’. Work is what I have to do. The trainers pointed out that if I wanted to see results in my love life, making more of a effort is something I have to do.

Dating Boot Camp Weekend: Day 1

Long time readers will remember that last summer I did Get The Guy’s Secrets of Attraction one day event and absolutely loved it. That day, I left knowing I would do the full Women’s Weekend as soon as I got the chance. That chance came last weekend.

I don’t want to give too much away, because I feel its the sort of thing you have to experience for yourself. I think its the sort of thing that effects you in your own personal way, depending on the reason you’re there. But, I’ll  share a few personal highlights with you…

Find The Guy, Get The Guy, Keep The Guy

I first heard about ‘Get The Guy’ thanks to the lovely Sarah Finley, otherwise known as @LovesOfaLDNGirl, who wrote an article about the Get The Guy Dating Bootcamp in the Daily Express a little while back.

Although it sounded like fun, it wasn’t until Sarah directed me to the Get The Guy website that I became intrigued and decided to go check out a seminar for myself. Last weekend I went to one of their ‘Secrets of Attraction’ events and if I’m honest, I left feeling inspired. Inspired enough to want to go and try out the things I’d just heard.

Real life 'Dating Doctors' actually do exist. WhoDaThunkIt?

Matthew Hussey, the dating doctor extraordinaire behind Get The Guy, started out as a confidence coach for men and his sessions were so impressive that his client roster grew to include big corporates such as Morgan Stanley and Accenture. But it wasn’t until he turned his hand to doing workshops for women, teaching them how to get ‘the love life they wanted’ that his business really blossomed. Nowadays Matthew and Get The Guy are regularly featured on TV and radio as well as in national newspapers and well known magazines.

Held in a lovely central London hotel, my first thought when turning up to the seminar was “Wow, look at all of these women”. I saw women of all ages, women of all races and from different backgrounds. Lots of friendly, attractive, approachable women all there with one common purpose; to get help finding and keeping a man. I spoke with one of Matthew’s team and he told me their one day Secrets of Attraction seminars and Women’s Weekend boot camps take place once a month with a large number of women taking part each time. I was impressed, but bewildered. Just how bad must the current the state of affairs between men and women be, for it to have to come to this?

The one day seminar was split up into three sections: Find The Guy (where do you meet decent guys nowadays?), Get The Guy (how do you initiate conversation?) and Keep The Guy (you’ve got the first date, now how do you keep him interested?), all I which I found extremely useful and most definitely relevant. Matthew himself was down to earth, funny, honest and really easy to listen to. I found myself totally engrossed in what he was saying, amazed at how I recognised the situations, the feelings, the things he was talking about. He hit the nail on the head with so many topics it was scary. During a toilet break I overheard a woman saying “He looks so young, at first I was wondering what on earth he could possibly teach me? I walked in thinking I had wasted my Saturday afternoon but you know what? Matthew really knows his stuff!”. I agreed with her, don’t be mistaken by Matthew’s youthful looks, he really does know what he is talking about.

Without wanting to give too much away (you really must attend a seminar yourself to get the full lowdown ), here are a few interesting things took away from from the day:

• “The Rules” are rubbish (I kind of knew that already) but Matthew really hates The Rules. Throw ’em out ladies. Matthew says call him whenever you want, go ahead and accept a Friday date on a Wednesday, don’t play hard to get and for Pete’s sake, approach him if you want to!
• When Matthew asked a room full of single women (there were over 50 of us) “How many new men do you meet in an average week?” it was really quite embarrassing to see  no-one raised their hand until he had counted down from 10 down to four. The majority of the room meets between zero and one guy a week. One woman said she meets three new men a week, a no more than a few said they’d meet between one to two guys but the majority (me included) … meet NO new guys during an average week.
• Most women wouldn’t approach a man because they fear rejection. Matthew let us know that most men are absolutely terrified at the idea of approaching a woman they really like too. The cocky, all-up-in-your-face guys who approach you, they’re the ones who do it ALL of the time
• Interestingly he said, when approaching a guy, the look you give him may make more of an impression than your actual looks

The four hour session finished off with Matthew telling us all about the Women’s Weekend Boot Camps which sound like all kinds of awesome. You spend the Saturday in workshops, get one to one tuition with Matthew’s team of ‘Love Doctors’ who cover off everything from : body language, chat up lines, how to get phone numbers,  how to get the best out of group situations, how to spot a player within the first five minutes of conversation (yes, really!) and much more. On the Saturday night you all go out to a bar and put theory into practice, go out to work ‘in the field’ so to speak, all while the ‘Love Doctors’ watch from behind the scenes, taking notes and on the Sunday you have a debriefing session, giving you feedback on how you did.

A cross between Will Smith’s ‘Hitch’ and Neil Strauss’ ‘pick up artist’ workshops, but for women. Pretty damn cool.