Tag Archives: Lori Gottlieb

Are Chick Flicks Evil?

13 Aug

I’m not ashamed to admit that I love a good chick flick. It’s evident just how much when you check out past blog posts. Long time readers may remember posts about Sex And The City 2 and The Back-Up Plan. Not too long ago I bitched about the fact my solo trip to New York wasn’t anything like my fave NY-based rom coms; Hitch, How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days and Brown Sugar.

Doris Day & Rock Hudson. My love of chick flicks goes way back.

It started while I very young. As a kid I was enamoured with films such Grease, Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman (I own all three films on DVD as an adult, FYI) as well as movies featuring greats such as Doris Day, Judy Garland, Ginger Rogers, Fred Astaire, Rock Hudson and Bing Crosby (Seriously showing my age here). I’ve always been a sucker for a happy romantic ending.

Happy Ever After Addicts
A friend of mine forwarded me this article on the Grazia website, “Are Romantic Films Ruining Your Love Life?”
and it made me think. Once again I’m going to refer to that book, but I remember Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough also had a chapter that touched upon romantic movies and how they’ve manage to drum it into our heads that the handsome, perfect, Knight-In-Shining-Armour-type is what we should be looking for. In my late teens and twenties, there was a part of me that thought it normal. It was what I was aiming for, I wanted the same thing that Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts had. However now, being the bitter old cynic that I am, I watch these movies and think “Pssh. Yeah right, like that would ever happen in real life.” Unrealistic-ness aside, I still love the fantasy of chick flicks and nine times out of ten, I’ll have an lump in my throat by the time I get to the end of the movie. Sometimes, (ahem, most of the time) I’ll end up straight bawling my eyes out. Just a couple of weekends ago I tweeted while watching 500 Days of Summer –

“What I’ve learnt from 500 Days of Summer: Act like you don’t give a shit & THEN that’s when a nice guy’ll want a relationship with you. Duh.”

and I received this interesting response from New York blogger Jack From Brooklyn. Oh, how I do love a male point of view –

“Romantic comedies RUIN relationships; in real life good guys appreciate women who are good to them #chickflicksSUCK”

So there you have it, “Romantic comedies RUIN relationships” and “Chick Flicks Suck”. Ouch. That’s another vote against ‘evil’ chick flicks then. Are rom coms really to blame? I don’t think so. Just as I don’t think horror films are responsible for creating serial killers. If a person knows their ‘own mind’ surely they can’t be swayed into making life decisions based upon Hollywood make-believe?

As for my views on the Grazia article: Hell no, I don’t think rom coms have rose-tinted my vision and yes, there is most definitely something wrong with being caught up in chasing the perfect Hollwood ending. Wake up people, this is the real world!

Book Review: Lori Gottlieb’s ‘Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough’

23 Jul

A couple of months ago I wrote about what I’ve since learnt is a hot topic for lots of single women today, the ongoing internal battle on whether to settle for Mr Good Enough or to keep on searching for the notorious ‘Mr Right’.

Waiting for Mr Perfect…

In the post I referred to Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough, a book by Lori Gottlieb and as promised, I bought the book and had a good read of it whilst I was away on my solo adventure.

The book features Lori exploring a major issue that faces women today – how you do deal with having a strong desire for a husband and family but at the same time not wanting to settle for anything less than the perfect man? Lori believes that single women everywhere need to stop chasing the much sought after Mr Perfect and instead opt for Mr Good Enough.

Book blurb: You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven’t found The One just yet. Surely he’ll come along, right? But what if he doesn’t? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn’t realize it?

I enjoyed reading the book but while it did make an interesting read, I was slightly surprised to discover that I disagreed with a lot of of what Lori was saying. Mainly for two reasons: firstly, because I’m not on a huge mission to get married. I don’t know why but, even though I do love a good wedding, I personally don’t see marriage as on the cards for me (maybe a subject for another blog post?). Also because secondly, unlike a number of female case studies in the book, I’ve never experienced having that ‘good enough’ guy who I stupidly dumped to go in pursuit of Mr Perfect. I’ve never actually ‘had’ anyone. *Insert sad smiley face here*. However, those main two factors aside, there were quite a few parts of the book that struck a chord.

Here are some of my favourite passages from “Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough”. Passages I feel echo my own personal thoughts, feelings and experiences. Or ones that at least got me thinking:

Whether we admit it or not, being single is often lonely, especially by the time we reach our mid-thirties and many of our friends are busy with families of their own.

So many women say they’d rather be alone than settle, but then they’re alone and miserable – and still holding out for the same unrealistic standards. They assume their soul mate will appear and it will have been worth the wait. Then they’re blindsided and shocked when that doesn’t happen. And it’s too late

Women never want what’s available. If they can’t find the perfect guy at thirty, they move on to find something better. But they don’t learn from this. Even if they’re still alone five years later, they get pickier.

I’d always heard that dating gets harder the older you get, but I’d never really taken it seriously before. I didn’t consider that one decision – say, passing up a good guy because “something was missing” – could change the course of my life forever.

The conclusion I came to is that Lori’s saying ‘Mr Perfect’ doesn’t actually exist and who you think might be ‘Mr Good Enough’ could actually be ‘Mr Right’ in disguise. Definitely worth bearing in mind and, definitely worth a read.

Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb is available from all good book outlets.

Mr Perfect vs Mr Good Enough

26 May

Following on from my last post, “Is ‘Nice’ Ever Enough” it got me thinking about the notion that the older we get the more we should give up on the idea of the perfect ‘Mr Right’ and just settle for the nice ‘Mr Good Enough’ instead.

A lot of women were up in arms after the book release of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb. Lori, a 43 yr old single mother, believes that we should,

“Forget about the perfect 10 and look for the perfect 8”.

Gottlieb also says,

“Every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.”

Personally, I’m not hugely fussed about marriage just yet (need to find a man first!), but the fact that I’ve past the age of 30 and I’m still single has not gone unnoticed by myself, my parents or my friends. My Dad is already hinting that he wants to be a grandfather *groan*. The “perfect 8” Gottlieb says? Hmmm… maybe I need to realise that “nice” is not a bad thing at all. But the word “settling” sounds like something a loser would do. It sounds like making do with the booby price.

Mr Cheap, Mr Rude & Mr Jackass – Yep, I know them well!

“Italian Guy” was sweet, funny, not ugly and wants to go out again but yet because I didn’t get ‘that feeling’, because we didn’t have a ‘rom-com look into eachother’s eyes moment’, I didn’t come away from it feeling excited. Is this the ‘too fussy syndrome’ my Mum swears that I suffer from? Why can’t I be happy with someone who likes me and who is perfectly nice? I’ve met guys in the past with whom I’ve felt an intense attraction to and had sparks flying from day one but, where are those losers now eh? Exactly.

Maybe my “Mr Good Enough” is someone who isn’t my usual type? According to Andrea Syrtash, author of He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s A Good Thing),

“women should widen their scope (and their ideal mate checklist!) and be open to meeting men outside of their comfort zone.”

I’m happy to say this is what I’ve been doing since I started this blog – dating guys I wouldn’t have previously. It’s early days yet, lets see if it makes a difference. Yes, I’d settle for a ‘nice guy’ over a ‘hot guy’, but settle for just anyone? Never.

Shemar Moore; totally my type.