I first came close to writing about Natalie Lue – of Baggage Reclaim fame – back in October 2010 when I attended her ‘Mr Unavailable’ workshop in central London. But now, a little over a year later, I’m very proud to say that Natalie’s teachings about the dangers of the dreaded Mr Unavailable are now available in print for all to buy.
About Natalie. I’ve known her via Twitter for a little while now and I have also met her twice in real life. I can honestly say that not only is this woman an absolute sweetheart, but she is also extremely wise. I don’t know how’s she done it, but Natalie has taken her personal experiences and observations and parlayed them into a full time job AND a book deal to boot!
If you haven’t checked out the Baggage Reclaim website, you don’t follow Natalie on Twitter or haven’t even seen her pearls of wisdom about “assclowns” (her word, not mine) when she comments on my blog posts please do have a read of a few of my favourite excerpts from her first published (there have been ebooks previously) book – Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl.
“While I’ve educated many thousands of people on the perils of unavailable relationships and what healthy, committed relationships look like, this is also a journey in recognising that if you can’t date with your self-esteem in tow, you need to stop dating until you can. Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl will help you to stop being a passenger in shady, depleting relationships and stop treating these broken men like they’re messiahs while you’re someone who has to clamour around them for crumbs of attention, affection, and hints of commitment. These crumbs don’t become loaves and will leave you hungry for a real relationship. I want you to read this book and recognise that you need the loaf, a whole load and nothing but the loaf.
Pursuing or having relationships with Mr Unavailable is symbolic of your need to learn to love yourself more and to set some boundaries and have better standards.”
If like me, you are spending yet another Christmas as a singleton, take solace in knowing that there are actually lots of positives to what many smug marrieds look upon as being some sort of seriously pitiful affliction. It’s fine smuggies, no need to feel sorry for us, we’re doing a-ok. In fact, feel free to take a look at what makes being single over the festive season a pretty damn good thing:
We don’t have the added stress of worrying what to buy for our ‘other half’
As if buying presents for family wasn’t already demanding enough, having to pour over what would be the ideal present for someone you’ve only been dating for a short while is extremely painful. Cue the whole “but if I buy him this, he’ll think I’m being too serious”, “what’s the reasonable about to spend on a guy I’ve only been seeing for a little while” dilemma. Plus, the money we save can be used to splurge on ourselves. We’re single and we’re allowed to be selfish, goddammit!
A couple of weeks ago, Twitter friend JustSewTired suggested a book she thought I should read. As soon as I Googled it and saw that the author, Andrew G Marshall, is a marital therapist with RELATE – the UK’s leading counselling charity – I just knew that this was a book I needed to buy.
The cover blurb:
- Are you tired of casual relationships and playing ‘the game’?
- Do you want to settle down, but can’t seem to find the right person?
- Have you just come out of a long term relationship, or had your heart badly broken?
- Do you worry that nobody will love you again?
If any of this sounds familiar, you may have fallen into the Single Trap. You are not alone. For the first time ever, the number of single-person households in the UK us about to outnumber those with families.
In this book Andrew G Marshall draws on his 25 years experience to help readers to free themselves from the trap and to find ever lasting love (hmm, we shall see). I’ve only just started reading, but already I am finding his take on ‘the single epidemic’ to be extremely interesting. He likened it to choosing the perfect pair of jeans. No really, he did!
A couple of years ago my younger sister bought me a copy of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. You remember that book? The one that says you can change every aspect of your life and that every dream can be yours, if only you use ‘The Secret’, in other words, the law of attraction. The law of attraction is the belief that everything that’s coming into your life is what you are attracting into your life. The belief that what is going on in your mind is what you are attracting to you.
I read the book. I asked. I visualised. I sent thoughts out ‘into the universe’. Maybe I just didn’t ‘believe’ enough because years later I’m still single, I still haven’t experienced a long term relationship and I still haven’t won the lottery. (hmmph!). I’ve always been the sort of person who thinks about – daydreaming, if you will – about how I want my life to be. Call me a sceptic, but I’m just not someone who believes in the whole ‘ask the universe and ye shall receive’ philosophy.
Ask the universe and ye shall receive... does it actually work?