As mentioned at the end of my last post not only was I going on my first date kinda-sorted organised by my Personal Dating Agent, (she found him but I was the one who got it to ‘date stage’), but it was also my first date in bloody ages. After East End Boy last August I knew I had to disembark from the dating-merry-go-round for awhile. Six Plenty-of-Fish-free months later, I’m ready to jump back on again.
Who Is He?
George Lamb - 32, Silyer & Foxy.
The Silver Fox – so called because at only 38 years old, he’s already got the whole grey hair thing going on. Luckily it’s in a nice way. He’s not old enough to be compared to actor George Clooney, but not young enough to be compared to TV personality George Lamb. Either way, he’s cute AND grey and was someone that my Personal Dating Agent Natasha found on Match.com. She winked at him and he replied with a message.
The way the PDA service is supposed to work is that Natasha messages guys on my behalf and when it gets to date stage – she passes them over to me. Except in this case I was intrigued by what I saw and I couldn’t help but to reply to his message myself. Here started a daily conversation exchange which, after a week and a half, resulted in him asking if I’d like to go out for drinks.
The Positives
The biggest pre-date positive about The Silver Fox was that we had discovered via our Match.com conversations that we both love to travel and we’re both all about living life to the fullest.
The Negatives
While we both like to travel, he does things like swimming with stingrays and sharks, sleeping in hammocks in the rainforest and climbing mountains. Whereas my idea of a good break involves strutting around beautiful, buzzy vibrant cities like New York, Paris, Madrid and Toronto. At the same time, having holiday choices in common isn’t the be all and end all, so I wasn’t about to let it put me off.
The Date
Apart from a slight footwear spazz out (he’s only 5’5 and I wasn’t sure if I should wear heels or not) it turns out that I was actually looking forward to going out on a date. To cut a long story short, we had a good time. The conversation flowed easily, there were no awkward silences, there was lots of laughter and what started out as a drink or two became numerous drinks until the last train home.
The evening finished up with me not feeling sure about whether or not I actually fancied him. Yes, we got along but there wasn’t any kind of ‘romantic spark’ between us. During the date he asked my thoughts so far. Obviously I must’ve been attracted to him to wink at him on Match, but now that I’d met him in person, did I still fancy him? Pretty brave move on his part. He said he definitely found me attractive but was very much aware of our different backgrounds/lifestyles. It was good to know I wasn’t the only one who had noticed!
Him: Country boy, lives by the river in a quiet town with not much happening but cosy local pubs, can’t imagine living anywhere else and wants to stay close to his family
Me: City girl, lives in an apartment block near shops, cafes, restaurants and bars, left my hometown in my teens, would love to live in the US or Canada
Him: Old fashioned technophone. Doesn’t own a computer, doesn’t use a smartphone, only just about familiar with Facebook
Me: Would shrivel up and die without the internet (well, not really but..)
Him: Into Kings of Leon, Kasabian and outdoor music festivals
Me: Into R&B & hip hop and seeing music artists in a way that doesn’t involve sleeping in fields
Silly little things, but still noticeable. Lack of obvious chemistry aside, The Silver Fox and I both decided that we enjoyed each other’s company too much to not plan another date. So, which is best – something in common or opposites attract? Who knows?
The Single Filez 
If there is no romantic spark, I found that it doesn’t really turn out that well. So why settle…But if by the 3rd or 4th date there is still no spark, no attraction whatsoever, it seems like you’d get along as friends and there’s a possibility to make new connections and maybe set each other up with a new date (his friend, your friend, vice versa). I actually read this advice on Patti Stanger’s book.
Definitely no ‘settling’ going on over here. If it’s the chance to widen my social circle and make friends, that’s all good. If not, if it’s just a couple of fun nights out and nothing else, that’s all good too.
For now, I’ll just go with the flow and enjoy his company with no other expectations.
Don’t overthink it, girl! You had fun, so go out again and have fun! Keep having fun until it’s no longer fun. Lemme tell you, you are not going to find someone who is going to match you all all fronts. I’m glad you’re giving it another go.
Personal dating agent, huh? So do you get to pick the guys she winks at? I assume it’s your profile, right? Very interesting. Could take out the annoying parts of online dating (except meeting people, I suppose). 🙂
You hit the nail on the head! I’m not overthinking it, I will just enjoy his company *while* I enjoy his company and if something happens, great. If not, then I had fun.
Tweeted you a link with more info on Personal Dating Agent. It’s a pretty cool (if darn expensive) dating service.
I agree! Have fun and don’t over-think it. It’s still so early in the game so just go with the flow!
Sparks can grow the more you know the person (as someone who has fallen for male friends in the past, I can say this is true). I also believe that opposites can attract. I’m a R&B/Hip Hop girl and my ex was a rock & roll/Industrial kind of guy – and we still had a good relationship! With that said, you do need to have some common ground however, considering that you had fun together, you must have some of that. Besides, this guy actually sounds nice. Have fun & report back! 😉
I think it’s great you’re going out with him again! If nothing else, you’re getting a new friend.
I think the perfect relationship is one where the couple has some similarities, but are also different.
Thanks for reading Aurathena. And yes, I agree on both counts!
There’s an event called Blind Hate which is a speed-dating concept based on the theory that while people don’t necessarily have to have overlapping interests and passions in order to date, but they do have to have overlapping hatreds.
That anecdote aside, whether one needs to have something in common, or someone to inspire discovery of things you knew nothing about, I can’t comment. All I can say is that it usually takes around three dates for me to make a decision as to whether it’ll go anywhere. So, yes! Go with the flow. Have fun. If something comes of it, then yay!
enjoy the experience. you don’t have to decide to marry the guy after the first date. it may be surprising, or it may be what you expected – but ultimately, you’re dating again, and getting to meet different kinds of men and that is a win right there. forgive me for the lack of caps – lazy this morning. lol
if you don’t see your self together with him then i think the two of you become friends. its good to meet someone that is different from you since the next time you meet another one you can handle it. and with meeting people opposite than you, you can discover things about yourself.
Something in Common!
I once had a sort of PDA. In my case, my PDA was a friend who was the ultimate ice-breaker with women – not a fear in the world. Ironically, his insecurities kicked in only after the opening and he usually befriended women he considered above his station. This is where he became the PDA, often introducing his new friends to some of his male friends. He then thrived on the gossip and sordid details of the inevitable liasons which ensued. It took me awhile to understand that his PDA services were not so benevolent but that didn’t really matter to me. Thanks to my PDA, I was able to have adventurous and unentangled relations with a bevy of women I might otherwise never have met. It is deliciously devilish the things some girls will do when they feel they aren’t being judged or when none of their friends or family know who they are with. I was fortunate to be the recipient/participant on some occasions – all thanks to my accidental PDA.
Opposites can complete each other in a whole other way then someone who is just like you. I think it is easier to spark attraction when you meet a person that is different from you. For every Ying there needs to be a yang :). Good luck with the silver fox, keep us updated 🙂
In general I think differences are good…things that are more important…can he make you laugh…do you make him laugh…do you two laugh at the same things? Music festivals come and go, everyone can have their own ipod but what gets you through 40 years of marriage is going to be the laughter.
That being said, I couldn’t date someone who wasn’t down with the internet. Smart phone, lap top, constant social media contact…dealbreaker.
Either way though I agree with the other comments…relax and see what’s what…no need to stress out over the little things now.