I’m That Cute Chick

26 Jan

I’m not unattractive. Then again, I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. I do admit I am hugely biased, but I happen to think I’m far from ugly. Unfortunately though, thanks to this dating malarkey, my confidence has been shot to hell. Over the past nine months I’ve been dating like a mofo and I’ve been putting myself  ‘out there’ more than I normally would but apart from a few entertaining disastrous stories to share at dinner parties, I haven’t seen any substantial fruits of my labour. Why is it so bloody hard for me when it comes to these things? If I’m pimping myself out so much then why aren’t I seeing results?

For instance, I have a friend whose long term relationship came to an end a month or so after I starting blogging and even though she hasn’t joined any dating sites, or put herself out there on a serious level, she’s still seen way more action than I have. She’s actually been seeing a guy for the past few months now. This is the norm for me. I always see people break up and get into brand new relationships (my parents included), all while I stay single. It just doesn’t happen for me like it happens for other people. Maybe it helps that my friend is  the type guys stop driving down the road to speak to. It’s amazing to see the amount of heads that turn when she walks down Oxford Street. But, that’s not me, I’m not that chick. Even less so when walking down the street with my friend, haha!

Remember my ‘Pretty, Sexy or Cute‘ post from last year? Well, I’m that cute chick. I’m petite, youthful- looking and have a great smile (so I’ve been told). I’m likeable, smiley, friendly, (relatively) sensible. Guys like me as a sister. I’m that friend they want to protect and look after. I’m not the glitterous, glamorous sort of chick that stands out in a crowded club or bar. I’m not that crazy hot, edgy, sexy, flirty, uber-confident type with the ‘I know I’m a bad bitch’ attitude. No matter how many times I’ve admired that chick or even wanted to be that type of chick, I never have been.

On the positive side, my looks are a blessing in a different way. My Mum, at 53,  is always mistaken for being my sister and people often don’t believe she has a 34 year old daughter. We even share our clothes and shoes. I have those genes, so I know that one day my ‘cuteness’ will work in my favour. Until then, all I can do is work with what I’ve got and hope that one day (soon) I find a man who is on the lookout for that cute cute chick with the great smile and a whole lot of other stuff going for her *wink*. Anyway, I’m stunning in my own way… my Dad says so!

(Strangely enough, the same day I wrote this post, rapper Fabolous starting tweeting about the very same subject, except he put it way more ‘eloquently’ than I ever could… ahem.)

Fabolous - Pearl of wisdom 1

Fabolous - Pearl of wisdom 2

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14 Responses to “I’m That Cute Chick”

  1. Man-shopper January 26, 2011 at 11:05 AM #

    I’ve never given off the badbitch vibe either, and I’m determined to believe that it will work to the advantage of us cuties in the long run. Stay the course, lady!

    Your papa is dead right, he’d never lie to his little girl!:)

  2. nikki04 January 26, 2011 at 2:14 PM #

    I have the same experience with a friend: she’s been outside of a relationship only twice in the past five years, and during that time, she met SO many new guys and dated constantly! I couldn’t figure it out!

    Then I realized, when she didn’t have a man, she was just DEAD SET on finding a new man. Constantly. The way she behaved around men while she was single was clear – and it was not how I will ever behave.

    Sometimes I think behaving like that, or playing the game, or whatever, is actually very important for snagging certain me. A lot of men. But. I am not going to do either – I’d rather be me and find a genuine person who appreciates that and is attracted to that. Be yourself, lady! 😀

    • TheSingleFilez January 27, 2011 at 12:33 AM #

      Weird isn’t it? I think there are ‘relationship people’ and ‘non-relationship people’. Some people just ‘fall’ into relationships without even trying.

  3. Little Miss Random January 26, 2011 at 10:03 PM #

    Hi there,

    Going by your ‘Pretty, Sexy or Cute’ post, I guess I fall squarely into the ‘cute’ category (though, if I were to be really cheeky, I’d say I fall into the fourth ‘none of the above’!).

    My best friend who is an incredibly amazing girl is most definitely ‘sexy’; I wouldn’t call her a ‘bitch’ though! I’m constantly joking with her that between the two of us, we have, on average one man each. And it’s usually the case that I’m perpetually very single, and she’s got them both! Men just gravitate to her, buy her drinks, and, I swear, they’d queue up to hold her hair back if she were to even come near throwing up, and, this, all the while she’s in a serious relationship and doesn’t behave as though she’s looking for a guy!

    Me? I’m always getting told that I’ve got a great smile, get the occasional ‘killer legs’ compliment, and, every once in a while, am told that I give off good energy and make people happy. But that’s not really what draws people over to come to me. Usually, it’s because I’m standing next to my best friend! Heh.

    • TheSingleFilez January 27, 2011 at 12:21 AM #

      I feel your pain sweetie, I really do. But yay on the killer legs compliments. That’s gotta feel good, right?

  4. Christine Garvin February 3, 2011 at 11:01 AM #

    I can relate, never having been the ‘relationship girl’ and thinking of myself as the ‘cute-but-not-stunning girl.’ At some point over the last couple of years, I realized two things:

    1. I’m putting myself in the ‘cute’ category, so why would anyone else put me in any other category?

    2. I think every woman has her own ‘edge’, she just has to find it for herself. I’ll never be the traditionally sexy woman that you see in magazines or even standing next to you walking down the street (aka hot best friend), but I, you, and every woman have some sort of sex appeal that is their very own. Thing is, you have to find it for yourself first, and then it starts to show on the outside. Not only do more men approach me now, but very different types of men do, more of what I’m looking for. It’s not like I suddenly have men stopping in the street to talk to me, but there is an obvious shift that has occurred. I totally give credit where credit it due – I shifted my own perspective of myself (and will continue to work on that for the rest of my life – I don’t think there’s an end point), and voila! others shifted their perspective of me.

    • TheSingleFilez February 4, 2011 at 12:33 AM #

      Hi Christine, thanks for reading & thanks for leaving such an insightful comment.

      You’ve definitely given me something to think about. I only wish I knew how to change my own perception of myself!

  5. Sammy February 16, 2011 at 1:25 AM #

    Thought I’d throw in a guy’s perspective. I’ll start in my late 20s…throughout my 20s I wanted badly to have a relationship. I was always on the lookout, even joining dating sites (although I never actually did go on any dates through them). I met the woman I ended up marrying precisely because I stopped looking. It was very casual at first, and I truly didn’t care how it worked out. It may be true that we eventually divorced last year, but I think the lesson still applies. It’s that old cliche of “it happens when you least expect it.” To sum up, stop trying so hard.

    In addition to that…I will echo Christine’s comments above. I think the most important thing is to learn to love yourself…I am learning this lesson now. I’ve always been the one to seek out this “missing” love from other people, but we can provide it ourselves. We can be OK alone when we love ourselves…paradoxically, I think when we love ourselves and are confident being by ourselves, it radiates outwards. I’m trying to get over this idea that I need someone else to complete me. It’s all in here.

    I recently wrote a post about this self-love that you might find helpful: http://confrontinglove.com/2011/02/14/learning-how-to-love-yourself/

    I think it might also answer your reply, “I only wish I knew how to change my own perception of myself!”

    Don’t forget, we’re all in this together 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez February 16, 2011 at 8:31 PM #

      Hi Sammy,

      Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment. Although, can I just say, I am a dating blogger. So dating is what I do. I blog for entertainment, but also because it pushes me to make an effort. Before I started this blog I hadn’t been on a date in over a year and a half. Because I was busy. I was busy enjoying life. So yes, I wasn’t looking. I wasn’t ‘trying so hard’, but I was still single. I have been blogging for under a year, but I have been single all of my life. Do you see where I’m coming from? I have always been single – whether I try or not. I think its unfair to read a post or two and then say something as harsh as ‘stop trying so hard’, without knowing my history.

      • Sammy February 17, 2011 at 5:52 PM #

        Sorry if that sounded harsh, I certainly didn’t mean to. I was just drawing on my own experience, remembering how hard I was trying, how conscious I was constantly…every cute girl was potential, every time out I was trying to be “on my game.” It was exhausting. Like you, I’ve always been “the friend.” It’s been frustrating for sure. Now that I am single again, I just want to learn to be happy with myself. I have to ask myself, what is it that I think another person will give me? Why do I need it so bad?

        Anyway, sorry again for making a snap judgment. All the best.

  6. Something She Dated February 16, 2011 at 6:26 PM #

    Interesting…I don’t totally know how I’m seen…a couple of year ago I would’ve said when I’m “out and about” I’d guess boys see the Bad Bitch…but I’m guessing they see Miss Cute these days…hard to say.

    PS…I’m totally going to pretend I’m not crushed my name has disappeared from your blogroll *sigh* *weep* *weep* *hiccup* *sob* 😉

    • TheSingleFilez February 16, 2011 at 8:39 PM #

      I don’t know what’s happened. You’re totally still on my blogroll. Don’t ya know I love ya long time? I need to figure out why it’s not showing. Rest assured that you’re still my favourite judgy-wudgy-crazy-like-a-bear-Vancouverite-dating-blogger 🙂

      • Something She Dated February 18, 2011 at 12:18 AM #

        Phew! That’s a relief lol…(ps nicely done with the summary that really is EXACTLY who I am teehee!) MUAH! xoxo

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