Mr Perfect vs Mr Good Enough

26 May

Following on from my last post, “Is ‘Nice’ Ever Enough” it got me thinking about the notion that the older we get the more we should give up on the idea of the perfect ‘Mr Right’ and just settle for the nice ‘Mr Good Enough’ instead.

A lot of women were up in arms after the book release of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb. Lori, a 43 yr old single mother, believes that we should,

“Forget about the perfect 10 and look for the perfect 8”.

Gottlieb also says,

“Every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.”

Personally, I’m not hugely fussed about marriage just yet (need to find a man first!), but the fact that I’ve past the age of 30 and I’m still single has not gone unnoticed by myself, my parents or my friends. My Dad is already hinting that he wants to be a grandfather *groan*. The “perfect 8” Gottlieb says? Hmmm… maybe I need to realise that “nice” is not a bad thing at all. But the word “settling” sounds like something a loser would do. It sounds like making do with the booby price.

Mr Cheap, Mr Rude & Mr Jackass – Yep, I know them well!

“Italian Guy” was sweet, funny, not ugly and wants to go out again but yet because I didn’t get ‘that feeling’, because we didn’t have a ‘rom-com look into eachother’s eyes moment’, I didn’t come away from it feeling excited. Is this the ‘too fussy syndrome’ my Mum swears that I suffer from? Why can’t I be happy with someone who likes me and who is perfectly nice? I’ve met guys in the past with whom I’ve felt an intense attraction to and had sparks flying from day one but, where are those losers now eh? Exactly.

Maybe my “Mr Good Enough” is someone who isn’t my usual type? According to Andrea Syrtash, author of He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s A Good Thing),

“women should widen their scope (and their ideal mate checklist!) and be open to meeting men outside of their comfort zone.”

I’m happy to say this is what I’ve been doing since I started this blog – dating guys I wouldn’t have previously. It’s early days yet, lets see if it makes a difference. Yes, I’d settle for a ‘nice guy’ over a ‘hot guy’, but settle for just anyone? Never.

Shemar Moore; totally my type.
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11 Responses to “Mr Perfect vs Mr Good Enough”

  1. Tracey May 26, 2010 at 3:32 PM #

    Interesting blog post – one that I often ponder about, having been single on and off for several years now.

    I sometimes think I get more picky as i get older, when friends suggest potential matches I dont usually have to weigh anything up – I know whether I’d consider them a worthy partner or not straight away.

    I think the general consensus is that we should settle for ‘good enough’ the older we get – people assume that we dont want to be left on the shelf. I don’t agree, I think that there should be a spark, a connection felt… you need to be excited about someone. Thats not to say I havent been more open to guys I might have previously turned my nose up at, its just I see so many friends relationships where they end up going sour and they make do. I don’t want to make the best of situation, I want to be swept off my feet…. at least for the first few years!

    So I am going to continue my search for my Mr Perfect (ish!) x

    • TheSingleFilez May 26, 2010 at 6:02 PM #

      Hey Trace, thanks for commenting! It’s nice to see you over here, away from the 140 character limit on Twitter.

      I’m totally with you on wanting that spark, that connection, that feeling in my stomach but in the words of the lovely Charlotte York Goldenblatt “I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted! Where is he?”. Here’s to being more ‘open-minded’ eh girlie?

  2. singleinmy30s May 26, 2010 at 6:15 PM #

    I think there is some merit to broadening our horizons a bit, i.e. dating someone a little older or a little younger than we’d typically go for, but the idea of settling totally makes me want to just throw in the towel on the whole getting married business. I don’t want to marry a short, pudgy, un-creative, un-spiritual man just because he is really nice to me and happens to make a lot of money he can spoil me with.

    I *am* looking for a spark, a soul connection, and I’m not settling when it comes to that. I am dating a man older than I usually date; a divorced man with children, which used to be something I wasn’t thrilled about doing. We connect on an amazing number of levels, he’s an incredible father, he’s kind and compassionate, funny and sexy, and we can’t get enough of each other. If I hadn’t opened up my eyes a bit wider, I would’ve missed him though.

    • TheSingleFilez May 26, 2010 at 10:38 PM #

      Hey, thanks for your comment, you’ve certainly given me something to think about. Whilst I’ve ‘widened my scope’ regarding dating older, younger and guys of different races I must admit that whenever I’ve come across online dating profiles that say ‘divorced’ or ‘children’, I’ve always skipped past them with a big fat “No Siree”. I won’t be so hasty in the future. Lucky you, he sounds great!

  3. delightfuleccentric May 26, 2010 at 10:48 PM #

    mmmmmm….Shemar Moore…..

    Ahem, excuse me…

    • TheSingleFilez May 27, 2010 at 10:18 AM #

      Hubba hubba!

  4. jo May 26, 2010 at 11:27 PM #

    I wrote about ‘Mr Good Enough’ on my blog a little while ago. I think the person you are looking to spend your life with shouldn’t be a compromise.

    My ‘Mr Right’ turned out to be a man of a different race, who is 10 years younger than me. Before that, I’d been single for 3 long years and was contemplating what would happen if I were to just settle.

    Turns out, I didn’t need to. Sure, my (now husband) wasn’t what I expected, but then I kinda always knew I’d make an unexpected choice. Unexpected is good, and has a habit of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. Taking ‘Mr He Will Do’ is, for me, a compromise too far.

    Good luck!

    Jo

    • TheSingleFilez May 27, 2010 at 3:31 PM #

      Hi Jo, thanks for your comment. Seems you’re the perfect example of how being open minded can work out for the best. Great to hear your story! P.S. – Awesome blog by the way:)

  5. Dazediva May 29, 2010 at 6:24 AM #

    A great topic that gets one thinking ! Always good to come across posts like that.

    I’m sure Mr Good Enough is really more than good enough for us; and had it not been for society somehow brainwashing us in to believing that we must only seek out Mr Perfect – we would probably already be married to Mr Good Enough.

    The Indian culture is all about marriage before a certain age (especially for women) and a girl / woman might ‘miss the boat’ if she delays marriage too long (i.e. past 25 yrs !) …

    I’m 28 years old .. I believe I’m more than good enough for the men around me seeking marriage; which means that I’m not gonna settle for just anyone .. I want my Mr Perfect to be Mr Good Enough for ME !

    Oh and since Shemar Moore is my idea of Mr Perfect – I think you will love this post (http://dazedreflection.blogspot.com/2010/05/sexy-saturday-shemar-moore.html)

    • TheSingleFilez May 29, 2010 at 9:58 AM #

      Hey Dazediva, thanks for commenting. Aged 33 and single I’m sure I’d be classed as a total lost cause in Indian culture!

      You’ve hit the nail on the head there girlie, “I want my Mr Perfect to be Mr Good Enough for ME!”. I couldn’t have said it any better.

      PS – About your Shemar Moore post, I’ve already seen it! In fact, take a look at it again – I was the first person to comment on it back on May 1st 🙂

  6. Muslim Online Website| Matt February 16, 2012 at 12:16 PM #

    The difficult thing isn’t choosing between Mr (or Miss) Perfect and Mr (or Miss) Good Enough; the challange lies in telling the two apart. 😉

    Matt

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