“Dating in The City of Angels” by Brooke Farmer

9 Nov

Twitter is so much more than just a social network, it’s also a place where I meet and connect with people from all over the world. I’ve made ‘friends’ with lots of like-minded people whose names & faces I don’t even know (and vice versa).  It’s truly an amazing thing. One of my newest Twitter friends is the lovely Brooke Farmer, in a short space of we’ve discovered that we have a scary amount of things in common. Seriously, its SCARY! The biggest being that we share the same birthday. Today is our birthday (Happy Birthday ‘Birthday Twin’!) and to celebrate this special occasion Brooke came up with a great idea, “What do you think about guest blogging on each other’s sites for our joint birthday next week? We could exchange bday blogs as our “gifts” to each other”. I loved the idea! So here, is the lovely Brooke Farmer’s birthday gift to me (and be sure to make your way over to Brooke’s blog to peep my gift to her) …

Dating in The City of Angels

I moved to Los Angeles about a year and a half ago and have discovered that dating here is a very different game than it was back home. This city has it’s own culture, values, and personality and these things impact the way the dating game works. I’m still trying to figure out how it all works our here, but here are a few things I’ve learned so far.

  • In Los Angeles it is totally acceptable (normal, even) for a sixty plus year old man to hit on a pretty, young thirty something. They don’t even expect to face rejection. These guys have money and don’t understand why that isn’t enough. I’ve been courted by a fifty year old who showered me with gifts through months of me saying no. He eventually grabbed me and tried to kiss me in the stairwell at work. I’ve had what I believed to be a friendship with a sixty plus writer that I was kind of trying to network with turn into what was apparently planned as a romantic night in with wine, cheese, and a walk on the beach outside his Santa Monica beachfront home. I thought we were going to have coffee and talk about making it as a writer- because he has. I was so naïve about the whole thing that it wasn’t until he put his arm around me and went in for the kiss that I realized this was a date. Fortunately for me, money is not enough to make me forget that if his face is wrinkled and old, everything else likely is too or the fact that when looking for someone to spend your life with it is best to stick to guys who have as many years left as I do.
  • Men and women alike are terrified of children in this city. Of course, being a single parent (which I am) anywhere presents certain dating challenges but in Los Angeles it is a particularly large obstacle to overcome. And I totally get it. Since I moved here it has become harder and harder to imagine myself dating a single father of a small child. I don’t want to fall in love with a man who has a child because I don’t want to play mom to a kid that isn’t going to be graduating high school in the next five years. I have dreams to pursue. Everyone in this city has big dreams. And that, I think, is the difference.
  • One-night stands are SO common here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the one-night stand when that’s what I’m looking for. But I have recently decided I would like to actually DATE someone again. And that seems to be far less common. Again, maybe the result of the fact that we’re all out here chasing big things. No one wants anything that will tie them down or distract them. But I want to fall in love again, and I am finding that to be a rather difficult thing to do.
  • Women are way more aggressive out here. I am used to men pursuing me, not the other way around. In Denver guys do the vast majority of the approaching. That’s easy. Here? The woman is expected to be able to walk up to the man in the bar that she’s chosen and get the ball rolling. I’m no good at this. I want to be, but I just don’t know how to do it and no matter how many times I watch my girlfriends pull it off it is still a skill I just do not possess.

All I really want is a sweet, slightly nerdy boy who doesn’t want kids but is okay with the fact that I have one. If you know where one of these guys is hiding hit me up!

8 Responses to ““Dating in The City of Angels” by Brooke Farmer”

  1. singlegirlie November 9, 2010 at 9:01 AM #

    Honey, I hear ya! Dating in LA can hardly be called dating. It’s more like finding someone you can stand long enough to shag a few times then move on to the next, better thing that’s always around the corner. Even if you’re Jennifer Aniston. This town ain’t for sissies, that’s for sure! Best of luck, love! 🙂

  2. LauraK November 9, 2010 at 9:37 AM #

    You think that’s bad? Where i’m from (Ireland) the guys don’t believe in dates. you’re either “going out” or not. exclusively.

    No dating, no spending time together to see if you find each other mutually attractive. nada. If you meet up with them for a coffee/drink etc it’s just assumed that you’re now together.

    *if* like me you’re all about the dating and taking your time then you’re fussy/high maintenance/slutty. it irks me so much, it’s a serious bone of contention with me and subject of more than one blog entry. rawrrrr.

    go figure huh?

  3. Skye Blue November 9, 2010 at 12:00 PM #

    Wow. Dating in L.A. sounds rough. Definitely know I couldn’t be any old man’s sugar baby and that I would be totally flabbergasted by an old man making a move on me.

    Re finding a nerdy boy who will love your kid and not have or want any of his own, trust me he’s out there. Have no tips for pointing you in the right direction, but I know you’ll find him. How do I know? I think I’m his female counterpart.

    • Brooke Farmer November 9, 2010 at 5:18 PM #

      @singlegirlie- Ain’t that the truth! I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I transplanted myself from Denver. I love this city, but so far the men leave a little something to be desired.

      @LauraK- That sounds so awful. Relationships scare me a little bit and I definitely don’t want to jump into one over the first cup of coffee. I think I would be having a lot of breakups.

      @SkyeBlue- Yeah, it’s been interesting. And I clearly didn’t see it coming with the old men. A friend even asked “are you sure he’s not asking you on a date?” I was so adamant that couldn’t be the case. And yet.

  4. Zia Zitella November 9, 2010 at 6:59 PM #

    Brooke, babe, I feel ya. We’ll have to grab a beer sometime, sit in a booth and see if we can will some men to come over and make the first move. I’ve found in my years of LA dating that the men are basically chickshit and have no backbones. The best ones are the newly transplanted that haven’t been tarnished by the glitz & glam yet. Sadly, they get snatched up right away. Maybe if we plant ourselves at LAX & create our own happy hour at the luggage claim we could snag one. Ya think?

    • Brooke Farmer November 9, 2010 at 11:39 PM #

      That’s hysterical! And I’m totally down. (Are you allowed to make cocktails at the luggage claim?)

      And I totally agree the best ones are all from some place else.

  5. TheSingleFilez November 9, 2010 at 11:49 PM #

    Is it bad that even after all of that, I’d still love to experience dating in LA?

    I’m obviously a glutton for punishment.

    Thanks for the birthday gift Brooke 🙂

    • Brooke Farmer November 9, 2010 at 11:53 PM #

      I love LIVING in LA, but the men out here do leave something to be desired. I never even had to wish I could find a date when I lived in Denver, it just kind of happened all on its own.

      But if you DO come to LA you and I are definitely getting together!

      And as for the gift, no problem! This was fun. Maybe we’ll make it a tradition!

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