Fool Me Once… Shame On You

28 Aug

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. Nice little saying, that. Not sure where exactly it comes from but I do like it. Only thing is, it doesn’t explain what happens when you fool me, THREE times. That’s exactly what I allowed East End Boy to do.

I can now come clean and admit that East End Boy got back in touch with me a few weeks ago. Typically, not too long after I decided that there wasn’t much point in me dating for the foreseeable future, he got back in touch. There I was, minding my own business, when I got a text from him;

“Hey Missy. Hope you’re well. Funny thought of you today, don’t really know what happened between us. Anyway, hope you’re cool and had a great weekend with your family”

I was surprised to hear from him in the first place but also surprised that a) he said he ‘really didn’t know what happened between us’ and that b) he remembered I had a big family occasion coming up. I didn’t reply right away. I was busy with family, after all. I replied a couple of days later saying;

“Hi ‘East End Boy’. Isn’t it funny how people can interpret the same thing in completely different ways? You say you don’t really know what happened between us, whereas I just thought you didn’t return my calls and didn’t get in touch when we had plans a few Fridays back.  Thanks for remembering the family event”

Then followed a text conversation where he admitted that he thought I wasn’t ‘into’ him because on our second date, when he said he wanted to see me again just two days later, I commented on the fact that it was ‘just two days later’. He also thought that because I ended up  “cancelling” on him that also meant I wasn’t feeling him. He said he wasn’t ignoring me, but giving me space. He didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ who wanted to see me more than I wanted to see him.

I understood him not wanting to be that eager-beaver, keen-bean type of guy, he was obviously more sensitive than I had realised. However, me merely commenting on the fact we were making plans only two days after we’d last seen eachother, was hardly me saying “Urgh, only two days away, that’s far too much” (which is obviously what he heard in his head). Also, I DIDN’T CANCEL ON HIM. I had double booked myself  but said I’d do both – see my friends and see him too. But no, HE was the one who said it wouldn’t be enough time and that we should move our date to the Friday. Does that sound like me cancelling on him? Or does that sound like him re-arranging the day of the date? I thought it was a weak excuse. Also, none of that explains why he didn’t return my calls. If he thought I wasn’t into him and then why the hell did he think I was calling him?

I wasn’t getting the answers to those questions via our text conversation. All I was getting was that he was truly sorry for ignoring my calls and that he still really wanted to see me. After pow wowing with a couple of friends… “meet him and hear what he has to say”, “don’t cut of your nose to spite your face”, “everyone deserves a second chance”… I made plans to go out with him again.

Except, it didn’t happen. Again. Twice.  We made plans to go out, except it was on a day where he was out of London visiting Leeds and he got back far too late for us to go anywhere. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and made plans to go out a couple of Friday ago, except he text me at the last minute (an hour before we were due to meet) to say his niece had gone into hospital, so he couldn’t make it.

I wouldn’t wish an ill relative on anyone (if that was even the truth) but y’know… that was the last straw. That’s now three times I had planned to go out with him for it to not happen. There’s giving someone a chance (or two), and there’s letting someone take the absolute piss.

Fellas, if you’re telling a woman that you’re interested in her, this is not the way to show it. Just sayin’.

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21 Responses to “Fool Me Once… Shame On You”

  1. myhonestanswer August 28, 2011 at 3:10 PM #

    At least you now know that you were right and you won’t be left wondering! You gave him and second (and third) chance. He showed he’s unreliable. Now you can delete him from your phone and move on knowing you gave him a chance.

    Also, regarding the niece in hospital, that is really awful (if it was true) but I would still expect a PHONE CALL rather than a text message to apologise. I have a feeling that if it really did happen he would have called. He probably didn’t want to risk you realising he was lying when he talked to you. It’s a lot easier to tell lies in a text where you can’t hear tone or voice or see the person.

    • TheSingleFilez August 29, 2011 at 11:17 PM #

      That’s so true. Considering what had happened with our previous dates that didn’t happen, you’d think that he’d at least make the effort to call and cancel rather than send a text an hour before we were due to meet. Really unimpressive behaviour!

  2. Natalie August 28, 2011 at 4:58 PM #

    These guys are about as predictable as the sun coming up each day…

    Basically he pressed the ‘reset button’ and attempted to pick up where he has decided you left off. He thought he could breeze his way in with texts and some pretty mediocre excuses.

    He breezed in and blew out by text – twice. This guy’s a pisstaker! Don’t participate anymore – he’s just not that special! You haven’t seen enough in or of this man to warrant the effort. You can do waaaaaaaaay better.

    • TheSingleFilez August 29, 2011 at 11:21 PM #

      Your comments always give me LIFE! Thank you 😉

      I’ve had people tell me I should give him another chance but you summed it up perfectly here, “You haven’t seen enough in or of this man to warrant the effort”. So flippin’ true.

  3. Dazediva August 29, 2011 at 7:16 AM #

    Talk about being a piss-off and a half !
    You gave him the benefit of the doubt which was nice and he should appreciate that – but for him to just faff out the way he did is ridiculous.
    You’re an amazing person and you don’t need to be around people who can’t even commit to meeting you on a basic level. No point in wasting time or energy on people like him.
    Hit the delete button on the boys’ name (I won’t call him a man ‘cos that really isn’t man like behaviour)

    • TheSingleFilez August 29, 2011 at 11:11 PM #

      Thanks hun. Despite the fact that he wimped out of our third date, didn’t return my calls and disappeared without a trace for two weeks…. I still gave him the benefit of the doubt (twice) and he still kept letting me down.

      I do like to try and give people a chance, but he definitely ran out of those.

  4. Nikki B August 29, 2011 at 2:53 PM #

    It’s always a good idea to think about how you would treat someone if you were really into them. Things come up, sure, but I know I’d make damn sure to find a time to see someone I was interested in.

    Meh. And there’s your answer. Words are cheap, man.

    • TheSingleFilez August 29, 2011 at 11:03 PM #

      Indeed. And he had the cheek to say that he ignored my calls and flaked out of our third date because he didn’t think that I was interested in him….! WTF?

      Words are most definitely cheap.

      • Nikki B September 1, 2011 at 1:55 PM #

        Yeah… I love it when they try and blame you for things. *eye roll*

  5. Miss Daydream (@missldaydream) August 30, 2011 at 3:41 PM #

    What a loser! The first time was bad enough – but then to think he could worm his way back in again, and then let you down again – I mean, what is this guy actually hoping to gain from all of this? It’s possible that the neice thing was true, but tbh it sounds like a cop out to me.

    I feel as though he ought to get his come-uppance in some way – arrange another date with him, and then don’t show up?? x

    • TheSingleFilez September 4, 2011 at 2:33 AM #

      He wormed his way back in again and let me down two more times…. which I think is my fault. I gave him too many chances.

      Problem is, if I arranged another date with him, who’s to say that he wouldn’t flake on me before I (purposely) got the chance to flake on him?

      I’m totally done with him now. Totally over it. Next!

  6. trininista August 30, 2011 at 10:09 PM #

    Does he think you are sitting with your phone in your hand, foaming at the mouth waiting for his stink ass? Really, buddy?? OMG. I am so tired of these men who think they can piss on our stoop and we will sit on the staircase just watching it dry. Why get back in touch and make this grand production of it all if you were just launching EEB – The Sequel. No Part III for this knob. The end! Goodbye! Good riddance!

    • TheSingleFilez September 4, 2011 at 2:34 AM #

      You said it girlie, “No Part III for this knob. The end! Goodbye! Good riddance!”

  7. IceQueen August 31, 2011 at 12:38 PM #

    Good riddance, at least you gave him a chance so you aren’t left wondering if it was you etc. He is a piss taker and like Natalie said you have barely seen this man to have to go through all this effort it is long….
    I really cant understand why he bothered to get back in contact with you to only flake out and be unreliable. I cant stand flakey sometimeish people, they get on my nerves!

    • TheSingleFilez September 4, 2011 at 2:37 AM #

      Riiiiight? And especially after what happened the first time, you’d think he’d realised that he’d need to make an extra special effort to get back into my good books. Letting me down two more times definitely isn’t the way to do that.

      Not a good way to make an impression on someone you ‘supposedly’ like, at all!

  8. Kim September 1, 2011 at 10:36 PM #

    Ergh. Why can’t men ever just be consistent!? Has this developed further- I saw your tweeted a bit ago saying that some people reckon he deserves another chance… Hmm. He really doesn’t! But then, it depends how much you’re into him and how much you believe his “excuses”.

    Frankly, even if all his reasons have been legit, why should you nice him another chance and make him think you have nothing better to do than sit around wating for him to next ft you in his schedule- uh no! or at least that’s the “sensible” thing to do…

    Ive had a similar experience lately. A guy i dated earlier this year and was quite into. After 4 dates he cancelled the 5th then i didn’t hear from him for a LONG time. Through Facebook we started chatting again and a couple months ago he started asking if i wanted to meet up again. Finally gave in, and we arranged to.meet last week – an arrangement we had for about a month. He text me like 3 hours before we were supposed to meet.. His excuse? He had a drink at a friend’s leaving party so couldn’t drive over to see me. I deleted him from Facebook- i don’t want to feel like a mug again!

    I can totally understand either way how you deal with this, if you do give him another chance and god forbid he bails again… Bye bye east end boy!!

    • Kim September 1, 2011 at 11:17 PM #

      This is from my phone so if there are ridiculous typos- blame android not me! 😉

    • TheSingleFilez September 4, 2011 at 2:51 AM #

      Nope. No further developments. A couple of people suggested I should give him another chance, but my feelings were completely different. For me, three chances was enough. I wasn’t about to be a complete sucker. Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? Maybe. But the thing is, the three times he let me down have totally wiped out the two good dates we had way back. The mojo was lost. I was no longer feeling excited by him, quite the opposite in fact. Now, he had just pissed me off. So yeah, no more chances for EEB!

      Your situation sounds frustration. Why on earth did he leave it so long? And then after all of that, come up with such a LAME excuse? Urrrgh. They can be so annoying sometimes!

  9. Muslim Dating | Matt February 11, 2012 at 3:15 AM #

    You’ve got such an incredibly interesting love life! 😛 As a guy, naturally my eyes glaze over a little when my girl friends chat about the ins and outs of their dating experiences; analysis every look, comment and text. It drives me a little loopy.

    That’s why I find it so amusing (for lack of a better word,) that I enjoy reading this blog so much 😛 As I’ve mentioned to you before, you’re a very articulate and obviously ‘switched on,’ kind of girl so regardless of the outcome – win, lose or draw – East End Boy had best open his eyes as to what he has in front of him 😛

    Keep it up!

    Matt x

  10. Muslim Dating | Matt February 11, 2012 at 9:51 AM #

    I’m not sure East End Boy knew what he was potentially throwing away 😛

    Matt.

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  1. Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire | State of Mind Coaching & Training - November 30, 2011

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