Taking A Break From Dating: One Girls’ Story

17 Aug

I haven’t had a guest blogger since my one year blogaversary week of international guest posts back in April. It’s been a long time coming but the timing on this one couldn’t be any more perfect. To combat all of the anti-dating talk I’ve been doing lately, here’s the lovely Liz from We Love Dates sharing her story…

The very lovely Liz from We Love Dates.

We at We Love Dates love Ms. Single Filez and her blog.  When I found out she wasn’t so much loving the dates right now, I completely sympathized.  I am the editor for a dating website for the love of god, I am supposed to LOVE DATES. However, it wasn’t always like that.

Last year around this time, I took a break from dating.  I removed all my online dating profiles, and deleted a bunch of numbers from my phone.  I was burned out, and completely over it. After meeting man after man,  I was losing faith in the male species. Dating wasn’t making me feel good, and life is hard enough.

Since I was no longer spending countless hours online maintaining my online dating profiles, or going out on dates, I found myself with a lot of free time.  I wish I could tell you I spent my time by volunteering at a charity, or saving the world.  Nah.  Instead, I was a little bored, and I felt a little bit lost.  Usually, when I needed a boost, or didn’t want to stay home on a Friday night, I’d hop online and set up a date.  I realized that dating had become a mindless time filler.

Instead, I watched a lot of T.V, hung out with friends and family, worked out at the gym and found myself again – take that Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love!  🙂 I didn’t even have to go to Italy!

I began un-hiding my profiles online.  Instead of trying to meet as many men as possible in an effort to “give everyone a chance”, I dated selectively.  I didn’t allow myself to feel pressured in meeting in real life if I was unsure.  I evaluated my dating habits and put a stop to behaviors and patterns that would ultimately end with me sad and hurt.  I also began smiling back at guys at the gym, or sparking a conversation with the hottie behind me in line at Starbucks.

I didn’t sit down one day and declare my dating ban lifted.  I think as humans, we crave affection and butterflies in our tummy and all the good, cheese-ball stuff that goes along with dating.  When I was ready, I allowed dating back into my life, but I no longer made it my life.

My advice to anyone feeling burned out by the dating game is to take a break, have some fun and relax.  Drink some wine with your girls.  Hang out with your puppy and your DVR for a night. Remember that the option to date will always be there.

Whatever you do, take the pressure off yourself.  I think we forget all the positives that come with being single…it’s really pretty fabulous.

_____________________________________________________________

We Love Dates is an online dating website & dating advice blog for singles in the UK, Ireland, US, Canada, South Africa & Australia.  Liz blogs (and vlogs!) about all things online dating, love, sex and relationships.  Follow We Love Dates on Twitter, and get friendly with them on Facebook.  

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11 Responses to “Taking A Break From Dating: One Girls’ Story”

  1. Nikki B August 17, 2011 at 2:41 PM #

    Um yeah this: “When I was ready, I allowed dating back into my life, but I no longer made it my life”.

    Yep. Sometimes I think people burn out on dating because 1) they feel so much pressure to do it and 2) there is SO much rejection in it, by it’s very nature.

    You can’t do anything about #2 (people are going to like what they like and sometimes that’s not you), but you can change #1. You have a life. Live it.

    • Liz August 17, 2011 at 4:41 PM #

      Amen girl! You run the dating show, I get so upset when I see women becoming trapped by their dating life. xo!

  2. The Hopeful Romantic August 17, 2011 at 2:47 PM #

    I think that sometimes you have to just take a step back and take some time for you – to reconnect with you as an individual. I’m in agreement with Liz – being selective is important -‘everyone’ doesn’t deserve a chance because ‘everyone’ isn’t worthy, appreciative or deserving of what you have to offer…what’s that old phrase : “don’t cast your pearls before swine”.

    • Liz August 17, 2011 at 4:40 PM #

      Oh I love that quote! Completely agree-not everyone is worthy!

  3. The Booby Prize August 18, 2011 at 12:16 AM #

    “After meeting man after man, I was losing faith in the male species. Dating wasn’t making me feel good, and life is hard enough.”

    I can relate to that so much! But as Nikki B said above, there’s so much rejection in dating by its very nature. All you can do is try to take it as lightly as possible, accept that not everyone is going to like you (likewise you’re not going to like everyone – it’s a two-way street!). Not always easy, but hopefully it’ll pay off one day..

    Great post, btw. 🙂

    • Liz August 20, 2011 at 7:49 AM #

      Thanks so much!

      So true about the rejection-gotta have a thick skin if you’re going to date.
      xo!

  4. Pamela Trent September 18, 2011 at 9:55 PM #

    I think I want to take a Break i feel like i need it but I don’t know what i am supposed to do while im on the break can you still be friends with guys and hang with them or do you cut them out of the picture all together?

  5. I'm Tired December 19, 2011 at 6:47 PM #

    I can so relate. I am seriously considering taking a break from dating. After endind a five year relation, doing the rebound thing, and becoming more and more disappointed with the whole dating scence, I’ve decided that enough is enough. I’m tired. Mostly I’m tired of feeling bad about myself and falling into bad habit after another, like having sex too soon, feeling like my value is directly related to my ability to attract, seduce, and keep a man, or just doing it purely for recreation or as an eager booster. I have become painly aware that “I am” the onre responsible for my lack of success as dating. The reality is when we don’t value ourselves, we attract men who don’t value us either. We tend to do more talking than anything. We say with our mouths what we expect from a man and how we expect to be treated but our actions don’t always add up. I’ve noticed all of this in myself, and quite frankly I’m sick of being this kind of woman, leading me back to why I must take a break. At first I was put a time frame on when I would start back dating, but after reading this blog, I think it might be best that I just taking one step at a time and re-enter the dating schence when it feels natural to do so. Thanks for sharing

    • I'm Tired December 19, 2011 at 6:49 PM #

      sorry about all the typos

    • ANewLife February 2, 2012 at 3:09 PM #

      I have a lump in my throat holding back tears because what you’ve just described is my story. I realized after yet another painful break up – in which I put up with lies and cheating for too long, that I needed to take a break from men for a LONG time. I fell off the wagon and went on two dates with this guy who seemed really wonderful, I’m sure he is, but we went too far WAY too soon and now things are ruined. He doesn’t call anymore and I understand why. The rejection hurts, but it’s a reminder of why I needed this break from dating to begin with – TO VALUE MYSELF. I’ve been giving myself away for far too long, focusing on trying to find relationships when I should have been focusing on my career and getting a masters degree. I lost my job and will soon need to find new housing, but with no job in sight, I feel stuck. Dating should be the least of my concerns.

  6. Free Muslim Dating Site | Matt February 8, 2012 at 8:13 AM #

    So many people assume that taking a break is a bad thing..

    If you ‘take a break’ from your job, odds are that you’re looking to go elsewhere.

    If you ‘take a break’ from the gym, you’re likely to give it the boot altogether.

    If you ‘take a break’ in a relationship, well, you see where I’m heading…

    But with all that being said, taking a break from dating is, from my personal experience, a wonderful idea. It revitalises you entirely. You stop putting such emphasis on ‘finding someone’ and analysing dates play-by-play like they’re a football game! It gives you time to reflect and really remember what YOU enjoy doing. Hobbies are reignited, career goals get definited and you start to build confidence within yourself again.

    All of this aids you when you do return to the dating scene as a much healthier, balanced and less cynical person.

    So, take a break – you’ve earned it 😛

    Matt

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