Are You A Believer?

14 Aug

A couple of years ago my younger sister bought me a copy of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. You remember that book? The one that says you can change every aspect of your life and that every dream can be yours, if only you use ‘The Secret’, in other words, the law of attraction. The law of attraction is the belief that everything that’s coming into your life  is what you are attracting into your life. The belief that what is going on in your mind is what you are attracting to you.

I read the book. I asked. I visualised. I sent thoughts out ‘into the universe’. Maybe I just didn’t ‘believe’ enough because years later I’m still single, I still haven’t experienced a long term relationship and I still haven’t won the lottery. (hmmph!). I’ve always been the sort of person who thinks about – daydreaming, if you will – about how I want my life to be. Call me a sceptic, but I’m just not someone who believes in the whole ‘ask the universe and ye shall receive’ philosophy.

Ask the universe and ye shall receive... does it actually work?

In my last blog post, I shared my thoughts on the fact that even though I’m not keen on dating right now, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop blogging. Now, I’d just be classing myself as a ‘single blogger’ rather than a ‘dating blogger. I received lots of feedback. Mainly from lovely folks who were glad I wasn’t going to give up on blogging but there was one piece of feedback, in particular, that I thought was really interesting.

A lovely Twitter friend who I actually spent my last night in NYC drinking margaritas and dancing to 80’s/90’s music with, told me why she thought I shouldn’t call myself a ‘single’ blogger. She said that she believes we can call things in existence and that the moment we say things out loud, the universe delivers.  By using the term ‘single’ to describe myself, I’m aligning my actions with my goals. From her own personal experience, she felt that once she changed  her mindset and erased that word from any description about herself, her dating life improved. Obviously, her thoughts made me think of the law of attraction.

The thing is, when I said that I’m calling myself a ‘single blogger’ rather than a dating one, I meant that single life is about so much more than just the action of dating. I meant that the emphasis of the blog will change a little. It’s not a HUGE change because, in the past, I’ve written about many things that aren’t specific to me going out on actual dates. I’ve written about having Daddy Issues and not having grown up around close male figures, I’ve written about being stuck in the friend zone, I’ve written about my solo travel adventures, about dating boot camps and tarot card readers. Similar to those sort of posts, I’ll be concentrating on other aspects of being single.

I wasn’t calling myself a single blogger with a view of sending out my single status into the universe. Anywhooo,  my blog called ‘The SINGLE Filez’ has been around for a year and a half, so I guess I’m already guilty of putting my singleness ‘out there’, but hey I’ve been single my whole life so not really sure that has much to do with anything.

Anyway, if the law of attraction was really true, wouldn’t I have won the lottery and be living in New York with a very loving and extremely hot boyfriend by now? Sorry but I’m just not a believer. Let me know if the law of attraction worked for you. I’m curious to know…

16 Responses to “Are You A Believer?”

  1. Si August 14, 2011 at 1:22 PM #

    Great post.

    I’m curious, did she elaborate on how her dating life has improved? I would be interested to know if the law of attraction has worked for anyone too as I’m a bit like you… sceptical! 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez August 14, 2011 at 7:13 PM #

      Thanks Si. I’ve since found out (see comment from Renae below) that she’s back with her ex. I’m still sceptical though, I believe that sometimes things just happen… not necessarily because of what you ‘send’ out into the universe… but that’s just me!

  2. moneymaus August 14, 2011 at 1:57 PM #

    I also read the book a few years ago, and it’s one of the few books I kept when moving to NYC. And you know what? YES. I am a believer. I honestly can say this worked for me but it wasn’t necessarily a conscious decision i.e. “I’m going use The Secret…” but it just happened with positive thinking. You see, I had changed ALL of the backgrounds of everything I had to the NYC skyline…my cell phone, my personal laptop and my work computer. Therefore I was seeing New York constantly, all day, everyday, and it seemed to put a constant image/thought in my head even if I was only at that point telling myself “it would be nice to live there one day”… So then a few months later where I decided to job hunt…it literally all came together! That’s fate with a LOT of positive reinforcement worked in. Even if I wasn’t constantly thinking about moving to NYC, I was always reminded of the city every time I looked at those pictures, and I believe that planted the right seed and allowed it to grow, which the universe then got the message!

    (Err, however, the whole “love” portion of it has never worked out…I don’t think you can just directly follow the advice from the book, I think you need to do your own spin on it. And it seemed to happen when I wasn’t solely focused on it, but it was a daily image. Make sense?)

    • etta August 14, 2011 at 2:13 PM #

      i like your “it seemed to happen when i wasn’t solely focused on it” words. i’m currently very interested in a man and things were somewhat okay until other women began to become interested. now here i am trying to figure out how to make him more interested. why? but he’s already shown interest before. why does that always happen? anyway, i do believe that when you’re not looking, what you’re not looking for usually happens.

      • TheSingleFilez August 14, 2011 at 7:19 PM #

        Let’s hope that what you guys had before the other women became interested was enough to keep him interested. Good luck!

    • TheSingleFilez August 14, 2011 at 7:23 PM #

      Hehehe, but that could’ve just been down to pure determination and being in the right place at the right time rather than sending things out into the universe and speaking it into existence…?

      Who knows, eh? But either way my dear, it’s a wonderful thing that has happened for you! And kudos to you for making that West to East coast move! 🙂

  3. David August 14, 2011 at 2:06 PM #

    I believe in chaos theory and the “butterfly effect” , google it for more detail.But basicaly a small change at one place in a nonlinear system can result in large differences to a later state.So maybe if you had bought that lucky dip lotto ticket an hour earlier you could have won, if you had just said hi to him he might have turned out to be ‘the one’.

  4. Renae August 14, 2011 at 5:15 PM #

    Hi! I read the book about 3 years ago, (at the worst point in my life because it was after my break up with my ex). And it offered a gleam of hope to me. Like any amateur Secret Reader, I instantly constructed a vision board…but when the results weren’t matching up, I scrapped that -ish. But what did work for me was thinking things into existence. Like, calling out a parking spot for myself, and calling out favorable results from interactions with people.

    A couple of years later, I’m in church one day, and my minister brings up Ask, Believe, Receive, and something about corresponding actions. Hmm…sounded like something I’d read before ;-). He mentioned that life is in the tongue and what you speak about yourself you bring into existence. Take for instance, broke people always crying BROKE (I know, cause girl that used to be my favorite word) But from my minister’s lesson I learned that you have to faithfully and mentally rise above your current situation and call into existence what you want to be. So, when it comes to dating, if we get so hung up in the questions as to “Why Am I Single”, we’re going to be stuck answering that question until we move on. I know it sounds looney, but it’s kind of right.

    So I began writing personal affirmations, not about my love life at first, but about my career life (I’ll tag you in one on my FB). Instead of feeling bad about be a part time hourly paid temp, I called into existence what I really wanted. Eventually, one of those things was a marketing job in NYC, and Thank God, because that’s where I am today.

    So, I decided to try it with my love life…I’d had on my wall this affirmation of attracting a husband into my life. And it worked, because I was always attracting someone’s husband/man/boyfriend….just not my own. So I took it down, but started introspecting on my love life and what was I doing that I kept finding myself always with nice guys who were emotionally unavailable. I attracted emotionally unavailable men, because I was emotionally unavailable. You remember I said I made a vision board after my break up, well most of it was centered on my ex and I getting back together. I mean I asked, believed and received that we would ultimately get back together and get married. Which explains his continued existence in my life after the fact, and why I couldn’t move beyond him. Which is like a blessing and a curse. (See, you get what you ask for).

    This year, I took it a step further. I used to pride myself in living la vie Single! I had single friends, and did single girl things. But that’s not what I wanted, in the long run. So, I changed my mind frame, and started thinking of myself as someone’s woman/wife. I stopped clubbing every.single.weekend. I also widened my circle friends to those who were coupled up or married. Then I started removing the word “single” from every descriptor about me. And my corresponding actions that aligned my thinking of myself beyond single yielded the results I wanted. In addition to the relationship with my ex improving, I also started dating 2 other men who were 100% single and also very interested in pursuing ltr’s with me. And it was a great experience.

    So where am I now? My ex and I got back together last month. And our relationship is moving forward :-).

    I say, it was all God, but…I can say once I detached myself from words, or phrases that were not aligned with my end goals, is when my life began to improve.

    • TheSingleFilez August 15, 2011 at 10:29 PM #

      Wow! A comment, and a half! Thanks loads for sharing Renae. No doubt about the fact that you’re definitely a believer, and it works for you.

      Congrats on getting back together with your ex. Got my fingers crossed for ya!


  5. Arlene August 14, 2011 at 6:45 PM #

    It sounds easier than it is. I think that book simplifies it, but really its about setting yourself goals, and trying to achieve them…. I don’t think its enough to ask the universe, and then sit around waiting for things to happen. I think you have to make them happen, after you know exactly what it is you want to happen, and when you want it to happen. Once you know those things, its easier to work towards them…..Also, I think the journey to your goal is no less important. If you have to date 100 guys to meet the guy that you are ready to spend the rest of your life with, you will reach him a lot wiser and better prepared than you would have before you dated the 100 guys. Personally, I find it takes me a long time to figure out exactly what I want, and how I want it to happen. In order to figure it out, I need to experience a lot of thing to know what is going to work for me and what isn’t….

    • TheSingleFilez August 15, 2011 at 10:38 PM #

      That’s great, I totally believe in the action of setting goals and achieving them…. finding a job, buying a home, planning a vacation etc. All do-able.

      I guess I was more perplexed by this whole ‘putting things out into the universe’ thing. Like, I’m doing myself harm by calling myself a single blogger because I’m putting the word ‘single’ out into the universe?

      It’s weird to me. I wish I was a ‘believer’ in the law of attraction… !

  6. The Booby Prize August 15, 2011 at 12:09 AM #

    I’m with you, mostly – I don’t really believe in this, either. To be honest, I am a stronger believer in the great Sod’s Law.. i.e. the moment you stop wanting/trying for something – there it is! So perhaps you’ll find as soon as you establish yourself as a Single Blogger, Mr Right will come along and you’ll have to scrap your title and become The Happily Loved-Up Filez… haha! I can hope for you, anyway 😉

    But no, more seriously, I don’t think you are repelling anything away from you by classifying yourself as “Single”. Hell, we’re certainly not defined by our dating status anyway, and woe betide anyone who thinks that we are! Blogwise, I think it’s a great move and change of focus for you. Perhaps you *will* be more successful with dates because of it, because you’re not so concerned with the fact that dating is something you *need* to do for the sake of your blog and will be able to just “go with the flow” easier…?

  7. Person Called Me August 22, 2011 at 2:11 PM #

    All I will say is: You. Are. Me.

  8. Matt | Dating Muslim Man February 7, 2012 at 4:16 AM #

    I didn’t know what the type was all about when ‘The Secret’ first launched. If I can remember correctly, the author was on an episode of Oprah then suddenly the ‘power of the universe’ was all people could talk about. The world was abuzz because they were going to get the car/men/house/job/shoes of their dreams and best of all, all they had to do was WANT it! Almost sounds a little too good to be true, right? 😛

    I’m not going to bash the book (or the video, or the audio tapes, or the website, or the… 😛 ) because at it’s core, when you strip back all of the gloss and, well, junk the it’s encased in, the tiny flicker of a message than remains is a good one.

    You have to have faith in the fact that good things can come to you. They won’t be delivered to your door courtesy of a ‘vision board’, you’ll have to work for them, but you ARE capable of accepting good things into your life, regardless of sex, race or creed.

    ‘The Secret’ is self belief – the type of self belief that is required to apply for a new job, talk to a guy/girl in a cafe or to even start your own blog – (I’m lookin’ at you, kid!) Tenacity is the real secret and we’re all more than capable of expressing it.

    Matt x

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