Be A Nice Guy, Just Don’t Be A Boring Guy

22 Jul

After writing about my ‘Nice, But Nothing Special‘ date with The Fireman, I got to thinking that I’m in danger of sounding a bit like stuck record.  It dawned on me that a pattern is emerging with regards to the guys I’ve dated who I thought were  ‘nice’.  While they were all lovely and had done nothing wrong, the thing they all had in common is that they didn’t stimulate me in any way.

No-one enjoys being bored... right?

Italian Guy – He was very sweet and lovely and to be fair, I did go out with him twice even though I wasn’t hugely impressed after the first date. However, I still didn’t feel anything and was definitely turned off after he threw a strop when I didn’t reply to a text message as fast as he would’ve liked.

Older Guy  – At first, I was excited by the idea of a older man who was really sweet and gentlemanly but by the time it got to six dates in, all I could wonder was, where  on earth were the fireworks? He was a lovely guy but something was missing. It wasn’t exciting. There were no butterflies. No flirting. No late night phonecalls. No anticipation. No nothing. Next!

The Chatty Policeman – A policeman who boxed in his spare time, should’ve been interesting, right? He seemed sweet and like me, was a non-Londoner who had moved to the Big Smoke but once again I knew after the first date that I wasn’t excited but thought it was worth a second date just to be sure. On the second date he told me that he’d told his Mum about me and I knew I had to break it off.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all interested a ‘bad boy’. No siree. I just want someone who is nice…  and interesting. Nice… with a bit of oomph. I came across an article on Ask Men where a female writer lists the reasons she believes ‘nice guys finish last‘. I think she sums it up brilliantly here:

“You don’t have to be an arrogant prick to land a hot babe, but you do have to have a backbone. You have to like yourself, feel confident and be able to stand up for yourself. Most women don’t really want a true bad boy, unless they’re mentally unstable. We just want a guy we can respect and who will respect us without kissing our ass 24/7. Women love a guy who treats them well, but we also love men with guts and the ability to speak up for themselves. Saying that women don’t like you because you’re a “nice guy” is a cop-out. Chances are it’s not simply because you’re nice; it’s because you’re behaving like a doormat”

I too believe there’s a difference between a regular good guy and a complete and utter sappy doormat. East End Boy (who I’ve now had two dates with) is perfectly nice. He does ‘nice’ things. I’ve overheard him talking on the phone with his Mum, he dotes on his daughter, he gave me his cardigan to wear to stop me feeling cold, he refused to let me go half on the bill and he doesn’t seem to be afraid to give me compliments. The difference is, I’ve enjoyed his company because he’s interesting to talk to, he’s crazy silly  (like, we’re giggling like teenagers while walking down the street type of silly) he’s cheeky (I like cheeky), he’s very opinionated (even gave me his opinion on a family situation I’m going through) and he doesn’t seem to be afraid to say what’s on his mind. Whether or not anything substantial happens between us, he makes for a good date.

People talk about a guy being ‘nice’ like its a bad thing when it’s not. Being boring is the bad thing. So, for the record, I think that nice guys are totally cool, just as long as they have something else going for them too.

Lesson of the day; there is nothing wrong with being a ‘nice guy’, just don’t be a boring guy!

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4 Responses to “Be A Nice Guy, Just Don’t Be A Boring Guy”

  1. The Hopeful Romantic July 22, 2011 at 11:24 AM #

    I think you hit the nail on it’s head in your summation – I love nice, I love sweet – I just don’t love boring. Being a doormat isn’t being manly – or ‘womanly’…it’s just kind of blah! Respecting yourself and confidence (not cockiness) will always be attractive. Let the girls who want the arrogant so and so’s learn the hard way. Stay nice. Stay strong. Stay interesting!

  2. delightfuleccentric July 27, 2011 at 1:38 AM #

    I will warn you in advance, this will be a long comment. Sorry about that!

    I kept dating guys that were…”super nice…but…eh.” My friends heard that phrase so much, I think they were about to stop asking me about my dates. One of my friends asked me if maybe I wasn’t interested in these guys because they were “not enough of a challenge” because they were so nice.

    I was really floored by this idea. You always hear that about men – they say they want a cool chick, but when the woman isn’t a “challenge” they get bored. Oh My God, could this be me?? I was really upset with that idea, and paid special attention to *why* I wasn’t interested in these nice guys. Was it because I didn’t feel a challenge?

    These guys weren’t boring, per se. I had a lot of fun with several of these guys, they were sweet, wonderful guys, and I *wanted* to feel something more than what I felt. But no, they weren’t a challenge – but was that the issue??

    Then I met this new guy. He’s nice. He’s sweet. He’s more laid back than me. He’s not even remotely a challenge. And yet…I *really* like this guy.

    All of this is to say, nice is definitely not a bad thing. 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez July 30, 2011 at 1:31 PM #

      Hey! How’s things? Long time!

      I love all of this love for ‘the nice guy’. I feel like we’re the exception to the so called ‘women love bad boys’ rule. We don’t love bad boys, we love nice guys… just as long as they’re sweet, interesting, strong nice guys.

      Good luck with Mr Nice/Sweet/Not Challenging dude. He sounds promising 😉

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