eHarmony, So Far…

15 May

Just over three weeks ago I decided I needed to ramp up my search and so decided to actually PAY for a dating website. I knew that if I was going to part with my hard-earned cash, I should go for eHarmony, one of the reputed best. Problem is, it’s nearly a month into my three month membership and I’m yet to find it enjoyable.

I’m guilty of having been slightly addicted to lesser dating sites in the past and I’ve now come to the conclusion that it’s because other dating sites are similar to man catalogues (if such things existed) and eHarmony isn’t. Unlike other dating sites, eHarmony doesn’t let me browse through pages and pages of men. It doesn’t give me the opportunity to flick through photo after photo to see who catches my eye. eHarmony is a site that does the picking on my behalf, which means I only get to see who they put in front of me. So far that has meant I haven’t come across many guys I find physically attractive.

Don’t get me wrong.  Looks arent the only thing of importance BUT they are what initially catches my attention. I don’t care for  good-looking dumb/cocky guys – if I see a good looking guy with a cheesy topless self-photo taken in the mirror, I’m like, NEEEEXT! – but like most people I need the initial physical attraction while also needing the profile to be able to back it up too.

How eHarmony Works
The registration process is looooonnng. Lots of people (including myself) are put off by the pages and pages of questions you have to answer to sign up to eHarmony. The meaning behind the questions is that you are sharing everything important about yourself; your likes and your dislikes. This is all part of the grand plan. Your answers will help create your personality profile and will of course be used as the basis upon how they determine your compatibility with their users. After you’ve answered the hundreds of questions, you can view your profile, make changes and do the fun part – add photos.

The ‘Match-y’ Bit
Apparently eHarmony uses 29 different dimensions to match you with different users. They start off by giving you an original set of matches that you can review and then you get daily emails when more matches are found.

The Communication Bit
Another looooonnng element of eHarmony is the guided communication bit. They think it’s key to ask all of the important questions early before you become too involved. Which, in a way, is a good thing. It makes sure you aren’t wasting your time! This is why there are three rounds of ‘guided communication’ before you speak to someone.The first round is ‘Getting To Know Eachother’, where you choose five questions to send your match, and vice versa. The second stage is where you send eachother your 10 ‘Must Haves’ and 10 ‘Can’t Stands’ and the third and final stage is the ‘Learn More About Eachother’ stage,  where you ask eachother open-ended questions. After all of this, you’re able to move onto the eHarmony Mail stage, if you wish.

I’m currently at the ‘Learn More About Eachother’ stage with a nice looking blonde guy (blonde is so not my usual type, but he sent me an ice breaker, he had a nice enough smile and a decent profile, so I’m rolling with it) and personally I’ve found the ‘guided communication’ process to be a bit of a drag but hey, that’s just me.

My lack of enthusiasm aside, I still have two months left to make the most of this opportunity. Seeing as I’m heading to New York soon, I’m thinking of changing my search settings to include guys from there. It could be an interesting way to spice up my dating life. and anything’s worth a try! After watching the video below, I’m more determined than ever to make my eHarmony experience a positive one.

(Thanks LifeByteStory for pointing me in the direction of this vid)


10 Responses to “eHarmony, So Far…”

  1. Roxanne May 15, 2011 at 4:24 PM #

    Thanks for sharing. I still haven’t mustered up the energy to do eHarmony. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Ugh. I hope you have luck and inspire me.

  2. Natalie May 15, 2011 at 5:41 PM #

    This post made me laugh especially when you said about the catalogue bit – hilarious! I think eHarmony is for looking for a serious relationship and shedding preconceptions of type. It’s almost like you have to do the due dilligence with the process and put a lot of work in at the beginning and then pretty much entrust them to ‘deliver’ dates. As a 3 month trial, I’d go with the flow – I know quite a few people who are in serious relationships as a result of the site. There are a lot of trifling shoppers on other sites – I’d separate the eHarmony experience from others and continue to supplement it for the eye candy experience elsewhere. I’m rooting for you!

    • TheSingleFilez May 16, 2011 at 9:47 PM #

      Thanks for rooting for me Natalie! Please do believe me when I say that ultimately I *am* looking for a serious relationship.

      Shedding preconceptions of ‘type’ is definitely a hard one for me though. It’s something I’m aware I need to work on. I think that if a met a guy (who wasn’t necessarily my ‘type’) in a social situation it would be more likely I could fall for them. Online dating however, means that I go by photos/profiles and it leads to me (and people in general) being fussier than in ‘real life’.

      I’ve heard many positive things about eHarmony too. We’ll see eh? *fingers crossed*

  3. Folly May 15, 2011 at 8:08 PM #

    Ooooo thank you for this post! eHarmony is a site I’ve seriously considered trying, since I’m looking for a serious relationship, and it’s nice to know now what the “Guided Communication” really means. Thanks for the breakdown!

  4. eyebrowsofdoom May 15, 2011 at 8:28 PM #

    I feel really processed and patronised with the guided communication bit so skip straight over into messaging. 😉

    • TheSingleFilez May 16, 2011 at 9:50 PM #

      Yup! I wanted to go through the whole process to be able to review it properly for the blog. But if I ever find anyone else I want to talk to, I’ll skip straight over into messaging too 🙂

  5. MoneyMaus May 17, 2011 at 12:27 AM #

    My best friend in San Diego met her husband through eHarmony. He is amazing and they are a fantastic couple, both in their mid-30s when they met! I used eHarmony last year for 3 months, met one guy and dated for a bit…oh wait, I mean we were FRIENDS for a while. There was little-to-no romance. Yes, the process is daunting and I actually didn’t like all the involvement to get to messaging someone but at least that means you can be thorough, right? And that they are hopefully serious!

    Good luck 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez May 17, 2011 at 9:24 PM #

      I’ve had so many people share lovely stories of people they know who have met and/or gotten married thanks to eHarmony, this is my reason for giving it try. I’m not hoping for marriage, but at least some dates with potential would be good.

      You’re right about the guided communication thing. It’s definitely thorough and it’s definitely a good way to weed out those who aren’t serious.

      Thanks hun, I’ll keep at it!

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