Coming On Too Strong Too Soon

4 May

Last week I had my first ‘non-online dating date’ in what feels like forever. It was with a friend of a friend and that fact alone made me the most excited I’ve been about a date in a while. Unfortunately, in true The Single Filez style, it didn’t end so great. But first, the backstory.

Who Is He?
Before Easter, a friend told me that her work buddy saw a photo of me on her phone and asked who I was. This, of course, sent my friend into super-charged-Cupid-mode. I didn’t mind. I’m totally open to the idea of friends setting me up. In fact, I prefer the idea of my friends matchmaking versus trawling endless dating sites.

Who needs Cupid when you have friends?

My friend insisted that exchanging BBM pins with her work buddy would be a good way for me to see whether I wanted to meet him. Now, we all know how I feel about conducting ‘getting to know you sessions’ via BBMΒ but,Β it actually wasn’t too bad. Adding him as a BlackBerry contact gave us a chance to break the ice and it give me a chance to see what he looked like – y’know, those people who change their BBM profile pic every day? Yeah, that.

The Positives
– My friend has worked with him for three years and she only has good things to say about him. That has to be good, right?

– We only had one phone conversation prior to meeting, but it lasted for TWO hours. One of those, ‘where the hell did time go?’ conversations. We talked and laughed smoothly for 120 minutes without even realising how long we were speaking for.

The Negatives
– Being the cynic that I am, I always feel suspicious (and cringe-y) when a guy calls me ‘baby’ and ‘honey’ and sends me ‘Morning Beautiful’ texts before they’ve even ever met me.

The Date
Apart from the fact that he was 30 minutes late (bad), shorter than I was expecting and wearing an outfit like that of a boy band wannabe (extremely bad), the first part of the date was quite enjoyable.

Just because they do it, doesn't mean you should.

*Sidenote: Fellas just because Cristiano Ronaldo, JLS, Justin Timberlake and Usher tuck jeans into boots – it doesn’t mean its actually a good idea. Just sayin’.

The first part of the date wasn’t terrible. We went for drinks at a favourite bar of mine (he couldn’t think of anywhere to go so I took charge, also bad) and then we went to eat at another favourite spot of mine (where he moaned about the food being too spicy – wuss) but those points aside, there was good conversation and lots of laughter.

Other things that stood out to me during the first part of the date;

  • When asked why I switch my BlackBerry to silent overnight, I explained “I don’t like being woken up in the middle of the night”. He give me the sexy *side-eye* which made me laugh. My explanation obviously made his mind go somewhere it shouldn’t have been. A bit pre-sumptious of him, but still funny.
  • He took a pic of me with his phone and told me he was going to put it as his phone wallpaper. This was my turn to give him the suspicious*side-eye*. Dude, you’ve only ever met me ONCE.

Coming on too strong. Never a good look.

The conversation must have been good, because dinner and drinks went on so late, I missed the last tube home. Instead of me getting the night bus home, he insisted on giving me a lift. Ok , being dropped home was a nice gentlemanly touch however it didn’t stop there. Here began the second part of the date, the part I really could’ve done without;
  • Once outside my building he asked to use my toilet, which is absolutely fine but why then three hours later at 5am, am I having to do the stretch, yawn “I’m so tired I think I’m gonna get ready for bed” move for him to get the hint to leave?
  • During those few hours he managed to (jokingly, apparently) invite himself along on my NYC trip.
  • He was a bit touchy-feely and when playing with my hands, he removed one of my rings and put it on my wedding finger (errr, what the….?). I swiftly stopped him by explaining that it’s bad luck.
  • When saying goodbye, he landed a kiss on me. I wasn’t feeling it but I didn’t want to be mean so managed to turn it into a nice hug.

I get that he was just showing his interest and that’s a nice and all but woah, this was the first time we’d ever met. If you turned it all around, if a woman did all of those things to a man on the first date he would get the heebie jeebies and never been seen again. Well guess what? Sometimes it works the other way around too.

There’s being interested and there’s coming on far too strong. Neeeeexxxxt!

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28 Responses to “Coming On Too Strong Too Soon”

  1. Natalie May 4, 2011 at 12:43 PM #

    I’m crying with laughter. I’ll have to come back and post later when my face stops aching!

    • TheSingleFilez May 4, 2011 at 8:08 PM #

      Ha! It’s funny, but sad too. Why oh why can’t I just have a normal, exciting, intriguing (did I say, normal?) date?

  2. Lafeyette May 4, 2011 at 1:28 PM #

    LOL! Bare Jokes lady! So i agreee about the whole jeans tucked into boots look on a guy is not the one! LOL! GTFOH with that boyband look, it doesnt even work for them…lol! Has he contacted you since?

    • TheSingleFilez May 4, 2011 at 8:18 PM #

      You’re right. It’s just NOT a good look.

      After he left I only got a few hours sleep because I wanted to be up for the Royal Wedding. I woke up to a BBM message from him. I didn’t respond right away so he messaged again and then CALLED ME WHEN KATE WAS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE!! Who. Does. That??

  3. Little Miss Random May 4, 2011 at 8:24 PM #

    I’ve already mentioned that I wrote about something similar just yesterday, but I also wanted to add another anecdote. It happened quite some time ago, but I still recall this really clearly because it was our second date and I mentioned that I was going to this music festival. As it turned out, it was a festival he wanted to go to as well, and he just went “Oh, I can’t wait to meet ALL your friends!” And I just thought, “hang on a second there, I didn’t invite you to come with us!” Things didn’t get any better from there. *sigh*

  4. Man-shopper May 4, 2011 at 9:11 PM #

    Next next NEXT! There’s always a worm in every apple, isn’t there?

  5. Shade May 4, 2011 at 10:26 PM #

    That is hilarious! The toilet thing, the premature ‘honey, baby’ bit…I think I’ve dated this guy. But the ring? I have not experienced that, that was stalker excessive, you’ll have to change you BBM pin now…

    • TheSingleFilez May 5, 2011 at 10:13 PM #

      Hey there, thanks for reading!

      I agree, the ring thing was particularly weird. I mean, really, who *does* that?

  6. justmewith May 4, 2011 at 10:40 PM #

    I’m getting the “ick” just reading this. The worse part for me was having him on your couch. I don’t know why that bothers me so much, but ick.

    • TheSingleFilez May 5, 2011 at 10:11 PM #

      At first I didn’t mind him hanging around after using the bathroom but it kept getting later and he still… would… not…go!

  7. Caleb May 4, 2011 at 10:55 PM #

    I’m normally against snap judgments, but when you haven’t met someone (and talked to them ONCE) and you get a “morning, beautiful” (he used a comma, right?) text? Uh uh. Nope. Done before it even began.

    For serious.

    • TheSingleFilez May 5, 2011 at 10:08 PM #

      Caleb, it’s a damn shame. I had high hopes because he was a friend of a friend but the fact he jumped to ‘we’ve been dating for months’ stage so quickly made me go from ‘aah’ to ‘ugh’.

  8. Amanda May 5, 2011 at 12:23 AM #

    Why do men do that? Some guy called me “baby girl” before we even went out. I wanted to reach through the phone and smack him. Pet names happen AFTER you’ve been together a while.

  9. The Hopeful Romantic May 5, 2011 at 9:46 PM #

    Awwwwww! I am soooo upset – i was soooo hopeful about this one! hey ho- next!!

    • TheSingleFilez May 5, 2011 at 10:14 PM #

      Me too girl, me too. I always get hopeful and I always end up disappointed.

      Story of my (love) life!

  10. Miss Solomon May 9, 2011 at 8:06 AM #

    The chemistry probably wasn’t there anyway. Had he been a little more charismatic you might have been excited about how strong he was coming on. When there isn’t alot of chemistry it makes the person seem desperate

    • TheSingleFilez May 12, 2011 at 10:12 PM #

      Hey there, thanks for reading! As for the chemistry not being there in the first place, I think I was hoping it would be there. I was hoping that the fact he was a friend of a friend and not from a dating site, that it would be better.

  11. Toast May 9, 2011 at 3:28 PM #

    Urgh. That sounds awful. How awkward. Next time just say you don’t have a loo.

    Toast

  12. sparky May 11, 2011 at 12:17 PM #

    Definately trying WAY too hard .. very funny though .. 5am good God!!

    • TheSingleFilez May 12, 2011 at 10:16 PM #

      Yup! 5am on the morning of the Royal Wedding too. I watched the wedding through bleary eyes, I was soooooo tired. *yawn*

  13. Lifebeginsat30ty May 20, 2011 at 12:10 PM #

    *cringe* hasn’t he ever learned the concept of always leave em wanting more?? πŸ˜‰

    • TheSingleFilez May 21, 2011 at 11:48 AM #

      I honestly don’t think he has! Even after the date he continued to be “too much”, so I ended up having to tell him we weren’t compatible.

      Neeeeext! πŸ˜‰

  14. D4n 7h3 M4n February 28, 2012 at 5:48 AM #

    That’s pretty intense for a first date. Sounds like he misread your interest level, or felt like he could sway you to his. Can’t imagine sending a good morning sweetheart text before even meeting in person. I take issue with one point though: assuming she’s attractive, if a girl came on that strong, it would end in the bedroom not with the guy getting creeped out.

    Men as a whole tend to be less aware of women’s intentions, so many girls have to throw themselves at a guy to get their point across. And while there are cases of stalkery girls, unless they’re unattractive they usually don’t turn into an issue until well into a relationship. Hence the “crazy ex” that alot of guys can claim.

    • TheSingleFilez February 29, 2012 at 9:37 PM #

      “if a girl came on that strong, it would end in the bedroom not with the guy getting creeped out” <– That, is very true. I'm always slightly fascinated when a guy comments on a post. I love hearing things from a male point of view. Thanks for reading!

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