Does Height Matter?

28 Jan

Last weekend I had my first date in two months. As much as I think online dating sucks, I really can’t deny the fact that it has proved to be the best way for me to secure dates. I stop visiting dating sites and I’m dateless for two months. I start browsing sites again and voila, like magic, I have a date within a week. Kinda speaks for itself, right?

Who Is He?
I’m going to call him “Short Stuff”. Because, duh, he’s short. At 5’2″, I’m short but I’m a girl, so it’s seen as cute (so there!). As far as men go, at 5’6″, he’s hella short.  Short Stuff first messaged me via Plenty of Fish approx a week before our date. He’s 34, lives and works in Bournemouth, a seaside town a couple of hours away from London. I came close to nipping it in the bud after just a few messages. My feeling was, what’s the point of dating someone who lives hours away?. He replied saying I was the most decent conversation he’d had on POF in awhile, and that he’s a pretty understanding guy so whatever I decide is cool but… what do I have to lose? He does make a very good point, eh?

The Positives
His messages were normal. Chatty, no text talk, no creepy lecherous ‘hey baby’ talk.

– Through messages I found out that, like me, he’s a fan of travelling. He was even lucky enough to travel around South America (Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, Paraguay and Brazil) a few years back. Niiiice.

The Negatives
– He lives in Bournemouth, I live in London. There’s two hours inbetween us and I don’t drive. It”s not the other side of the earth, but sometimes it’s frustrating dating someone who lives on the other side of London let alone a different town.

– Doing too much online. Asking me out online. Arranging the whole date online. No asking for my number. No suggestion of talking on the phone first. No ice breaker. No chance to hear his voice or get an inkling of whether or not there would be any chemistry. I ended up having to ask him for his number, and on date day no less!

The Date
It was a nice date. Nothing horrific happened. We met at the train station (he was late, but text in advance to let me know). He looked good. He had a nice smart/casual thing going on. We walked along the Southbank to Gabriel’s Wharf. Had a couple of lattes in Studio 6. Talked and shared experiences about travel, Plenty of Fish, family etc and then headed home. Nice. Pleasant. Uneventful.

Although, I have yet to figure out how 5’6″ equates to him feeling the same height as me in flats? I’m ashamed to say that I came away from the date thinking, I could be excited about him, if only he was a few inches taller. And then it hit me,  am I (all 5 foot 2 inches of me), height-ist?

Everyone is taller than me. Even my 14 year old sister is taller than me. It’s just the way it is and I accept it that way. So it’s kinda odd for me, to be worried about wearing heels on a date for fear of being taller than a man. It wasn’t something I’d ever had to deal with before and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

Jeez, it’s not like I’m tall. Is it so wrong of me to want to be able to wear sexy heels on a date if I so choose?  I’m only ickle, is it too much to ask not be taller than my date? It doesn’t seem to bother Katie Holmes, Sophie Dahl, Nicole Kidman et al,  but ladies, what about you? Does the idea of being taller than your date bother you? Does height matter?

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43 Responses to “Does Height Matter?”

  1. The Hopeful Romantic January 28, 2011 at 10:45 AM #

    So in my RT I said height shouldn’t matter if everything else was in place. BUT let’s be real here..attraction is a very very important element of any relationship. It’s different thing if you at 5ft 2 are turning down anyone under 6ft 4 because “that’s your minimum”. We’re talking about possibly not feeling attracted. Attraction can grow as well as go – so maybe it’s worth going on another date just to be sure?

    • TheSingleFilez January 28, 2011 at 11:03 AM #

      Oh no, I never said I didn’t like him! It was a nice date and I actually wouldn’t mind going out with him again. This was more about the fact I questioned whether or not I should wear heels on the date and then, while wearing flats, feeling as though we were the same height.

      It was a strange (and unusual) feeling…

  2. Jackie Summers January 28, 2011 at 11:00 AM #

    If it were turned around, would you be hurt if he were height-ist and he rejected you because you were too short?

    Just something to consider.
    JFB

    • TheSingleFilez January 28, 2011 at 11:07 AM #

      Oh dear. I think I need to make it clear that I haven’t ‘rejected’ him. In fact, I quite liked his company and wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

      The strange and unusual feeling of worrying about whether or not I could wear heels while going out with him caused me to wonder (and write about) whether or not I was height-ist.

      But no, I haven’t ‘rejected’ him for being short. In fact, I’m more concerned about the fact he lives in a different city than his height.

    • Mo March 10, 2011 at 6:15 PM #

      Exactly!!! Right on you hit the nail on the head!!! If the roles were reversed all hell would be loose as women would bitch, complain and cry that he rejected me just because of my height. But oh wait it’s perfectly acceptable for her to scoff, put her nose up in the air, stomp, throw her fit because oh shit he was all of what like 5’6″. Yeah for men 5’6″ is a bit on the shorter side but she’s all of like 5’2″ and she bitches and complains because she want’s that 6 to 6’2″…. Complete BS especially with her height men at 5’9″ 5’10” are still going to be taller than her even with her 5″ heels. Plus she needs to ask herself honestly how often is she going to wear her heels??? Guaranteed not ever day not 7 days a week. We know that women have the argument of oh it’s the protection thing, we feel “sexy” in heels yeah you will feel just fine with a guy 5’9″ 5’10”. Women do yourselves a favor and get over the want of the 6′, 6’2″ guys when your all of 5’1″, 5’2″!!!!

      • TheSingleFilez March 10, 2011 at 8:37 PM #

        Mo dude. I don’t know which blog post you read, but I never once said I want a guy who is 6 to 6’2″.

        The reason I know that is because, number one I wrote the post and because number two, I know that in my ideal dreamworld, I’d actually quite like to date a guy who is 5’8 to 5’9.

        Methinks you should read the blog post clearly before leaving such a rant-y comment. Just sayin’.

  3. silly girl January 28, 2011 at 11:13 AM #

    I think as long as he’s taller than you, then it’s fine. At 5’7, I’m pretty tall for a girl – esp. when I wear heels! So if I have to bend a bit to put my head on a guy’s shoulder, it’s just awkward!

    • TheSingleFilez January 28, 2011 at 12:15 PM #

      Hey there, thanks for reading!

      Y’see, that’s the thing. At 5’6, I thought he would be taller than me so you can imagine how confusing it felt when I met him wearing flats and he was around the same height? Methinks someone was telling porkies on their dating profile 😉

  4. The Hopeful Romantic January 28, 2011 at 11:22 AM #

    I hear you – I couldn’t be sure from reading which is why I said possibly 🙂

    But JFB – if someone didn’t fancy you because of your height it’s just one of those things. Someone might not like women with feet larger than a size 5 – nothing someone could do about that. Superficial yes – but it happens.

    • Jackie Summers January 28, 2011 at 11:37 AM #

      THR I’m not disagreeing: everyone is entitled to their preferences. I’ve dated women 4’10” and 6’0″ flat-footed (I’m 5’10”). I’m just trying to humanize a legitimate concern. As complex as finding someone you genuinely connect with can be, I think putting yourself in the other persons (sometimes enormous) shoes creates a bit of empathy. No one likes to be reduced down to their statistics.

      TSF, I’m interested in seeing how this turns out.
      Jacks

  5. Sparky January 28, 2011 at 12:22 PM #

    I would prefer to date someone taller than me, I’m 5’5 and have dated someone 5’8 but in heels I was taller, it was a bit offputting for me. If I really liked him it wouldn’t have mattered but because I was only so/so about him it did matter

  6. babycoops January 28, 2011 at 12:39 PM #

    hmm a short, single man from Bournemouth why haven’t I sniffed him out already haha – all joking aside at nearly 5′ 7 then through my heels in to the equation I’ve been taller or equal in height to the few men ive dated (and the one I married) and I have to admit when said ex-husband first asked me out I said to my mum ‘I’m not sure I can go out with someone shorter than me’ and whilst it did all end in tears the first couple of years were brilliant and I used to think god what if I had followed through on that and not said yes I’d never have had all the fun with him that we did. I think I’m with the hopeful romantic on this one if you really like someone it doesn’t become an issue. 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 1:19 AM #

      That’s the thing. If I was was taller, I think I’d be almost be expecting a lot of men to be smaller or the same height as me. But because I’m only 5’2″, it’s not something I’ve come across before.

      You’re absolutely right, it’s not a good enough reason to dismiss an otherwise great person. The good years you shared with your ex-hubby is proof of that!

  7. Jill January 28, 2011 at 12:40 PM #

    I have to admit, I am a heightest. I am 5’1″ and prefer guys who are at a minimum 5’10”. I have gone one a date or two with guys shorter than that, but I always feel strange. When I see other couples where the girl is taller, I think it’s ok for them. But I just like them tall. I might have missed out on some great opportunities but I’ll take my chances…

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 1:15 AM #

      Wow! 5’1″ but prefer guys who are 5’10” MINIMUM? Girl, you’re way more height-ist than I am 😉

      Personally, I’d be happy with a guy between 5’7″ – 5’10”. Any taller and I feel like a midget. I once dated a guy who was 6’3″ and it felt crazily weird.

  8. Skye Blue January 28, 2011 at 3:40 PM #

    I think that height does matter, because it is one of the many physical factors that draw us to someone we fancy. So if you are indeed a ‘heightest’ I don’t think you need to be ashamed of that.

    As far as my preference at 5’5″ I am most drawn to men 5’10” and under – which makes me different from a lot of women. I have dated men much taller than that (6’4″ being the tallest) and I HATED it. I really dislike having to look up to talk to somebody all the time, and I could care less if I’m taller than him if I wear heels.

    We all have our preferences and no one should make us feel wrong for what we’re attracted to. However, I do want to share the very wise words of a close friend of mine…

    “When shit hits the fan in a relationship, you’re never going to be arguing with his weight, height or ever so dazzling smile.”

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 1:08 AM #

      I soooo hear you! I once dated a guy who was 6’3″ and I felt pressured to wear heels every single time we went out, even if we were going for a walk. One time, I had enough and wore flats – but then it felt like I was a small child walking down the street with her father.

      I figure 5’6″ should still be taller than me in flats, so I think this guy was telling porkies. But hey, your friend is right, it’s not what matters at the end of the day.

      It may not be an issue, as a second date hasn’t even been mentioned. One thing I do know is that because of my own weirdness, if we do go out again, wearing heels would definitely be out of the question!

  9. aperfectsonnet January 28, 2011 at 7:54 PM #

    Yes! It’s one of the first things I’ll look at on someone’s profile. I couldn’t date a guy shorter than me. It’s just not right. I’m 5’9 so unfortunately there’s a LOT of guys out there that sound otherwise perfect … but they’re 5’8 or under! It is annoying, and maybe it shouldn’t matter… but it just doesn’t look right when the girl is taller, does it?! 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 1:11 AM #

      It’s funny that I’m only 5’2″ and pondering this. I imagine if I was taller, it would be something I would have come across a lot sooner! Do you wear heels at 5’9″?

      You’re right. It so shouldn’t matter, but for some reason society has drummed it into our heads that a taller man/shorter woman combo is the norm.

      • aperfectsonnet January 29, 2011 at 6:09 PM #

        I’d like to be able to wear heels but rarely do because I’m conscious of my height! If I had a guy on my arm who was 6’2 or something, I wouldn’t mind. Funnily enough, I’ve just been on a date today with a guy who was just maybe an inch shorter than me.. hmmm! There’s not enough tall men in the world, I think!

  10. Cat January 28, 2011 at 8:15 PM #

    I feel the same way. I’m also 5’2″ so I feel like there’s no excuse for a guy not being taller than me. 5’6″ probably wouldn’t bother me if he were REALLY 5’6″ but a lot of guys lie on their profiles about that. I usually like to go for 5’8″ and up, just in case I ever develop the ability to walk in 5″ heels.

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 12:45 AM #

      Exactly. I’ve been trying to figure out if he purposely lied on his dating profile, or if he actually believes that he is 5’6″?

  11. John Boy January 28, 2011 at 9:45 PM #

    Deary me. Lied about his height. Seeing as it isn’t a lie you can get away with I wonder what dude was thinking? 4 inches? You sure? Done a surreptitious comparison with the aid of a reflective material? Handle that and get back to us… Can’t believe he risked it (is it even a risk if you’re definitely gonna get caught)

    I hate to admit it cos I’m 5’5 but I can’t see there’s anything wrong with being heightist if it impacts on the attraction. If you minus the attraction the people you get on like a house on fire with are called friends.

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 1:24 AM #

      I know, right? Thing is I’m way too polite to say anything. Maybe once I’ve seen him a few more times, I may casually ask him about the truth of his dating profile?

      The crazy thing is, previously it’s always been the other way around! Being only 5’2″, I don’t like to date guys who are way too tall. Feels weird to me. But this situation was the first time I’ve dated someone who was the same height. A nouveau experience for me…

  12. turnjacson January 29, 2011 at 12:30 AM #

    great post… love the comments.

    it’d be tough to wear heels around him but you gotta think he’s used to girls being taller than him. so it all comes down to your comfort level

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 1:26 AM #

      Haha! Thank you.

      You hit the nail on the head. At the end of the day, if he’s a cool guy and I enjoy his company, it comes down to me and my own comfort level.

      There has been a number of ‘after-date-texts’, but no mention of date number two yet. So we’ll see…

  13. Lunalove321 January 29, 2011 at 3:49 PM #

    I went on a date with a short guy this month. He would be perfect if he was taller. The height thing is more of what the public will think, so I try really hard and ignore the small voice inside of me. I dated a shorter guy before…it was hard and I tried but I always felt uncomfortable. Its about staying true to your feelings.

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 7:47 PM #

      Exactly. We’re the ones who feel uncomfortable, which is a shame. For me it’s an idealism; my ideal guy would be taller than me in heels, but in the real world I would be open to being with a guy of any height, as long as he was awesome.

  14. LadyTT January 29, 2011 at 4:17 PM #

    Hee hee I love this blog post as I can so relate. At 5’3 myself I tend to have dated guys much taller than me generally cos most guys ARE taller than me. Then I met my ex. At 5’7 he was short to me, and I gotta admit at first I was a little concious of it. However, I soon got over that when I fell in love with him and it became irrelevant. In fact, when I wore heels we were pretty much the same height and I liked the fact when I lent to kiss him I wasn’t crooking my neck. Or when I saw photos of us together I didnt look as much a short ass as I would usually. I do understand what you’re saying though girl, however even in heels you wont be towering over him. I’m now dating a guy at 6’1 and boooy do I feel concious when wearing flats but I can’t be breaking my feet everytime we out on a date so I guess we can never win!

    Two shorties together is kinda cute! Good luck girl 😉

    • MrWW January 29, 2011 at 5:04 PM #

      I just had a break through… and found out I could be a “height-ist”.

      It hardly ever occurred to me before and to be honest I never really thought too much about it. However after I went on a few dates with a shorter woman (5’1/5’2) I felt overly awkward, I tried to put it at the back of my mind because she was attractive and hopefully to try to find out more about the actual person rather than their looks and height (as you do) but it didn’t matter, she wore heels and it was obvious she had an issue with it too. However when I rectified this issue by then dating a taller woman who was 6’0 it was the ultimate dating nightmare (most of my boys are 6’0). I realised that as a Man of 6’1 i’m sticking to 5’3-5’7s just to stay on the safe side… My ex was 5’3 and I had no issue.

      I do think being a “height-ist” limits my opportunities but hey the beat goes on.

      If I was shorter than the woman… I actually don’t want to think about that lol

      Cool blog by the way. Some good comments.

  15. Jackie Summers January 29, 2011 at 4:57 PM #

    So here’s my “shoe on the other foot” question. Let’s flip it and change height for breasts and say a guy wrote a story about a woman he kinda liked but was flat chested. The accompanying photos had an ironing board and raisins. Would women be up in arms?

    (Just cause I like to start shit ,-)
    JFB

    • TheSingleFilez January 29, 2011 at 8:28 PM #

      Ha! You’re such a troublemaker! You’re not the first guy who responded to this post by comparing height to boobs. As I said on Twitter, some of the women who have commented are height-ist, but some aren’t. Just as I believe some men would prefer large breasts and others wouldn’t care.

      (Go start shit elsewhere Mr Summers ;-))

  16. Sparkles January 29, 2011 at 5:56 PM #

    I have to say height definately matters to me 🙂 I’ve always dated guys who are quite a bit taller than me! I once dated a guy who wasn’t shorter than me but wasn’t much taller either! Needless to say lots of my friends had comments to make about the situation – I couldn’t wear heels around him – now for a female that’s just strange x

  17. Little Miss Random January 29, 2011 at 7:05 PM #

    I did a light-hearted post about my “six-inch rule”.

    I have dated a guy who was a foot taller than I was. It was a little tough having to crook my neck all the time! Also, a guy who’s significantly taller doesn’t make for a great dance partner because either the guy would have to slouch or the female would have to go on her tip-toes in order to maintain arms at the correct height.

    But, on a more serious note, I would generally prefer for a guy to be taller than I am, yet not too tall. I think a lot of females do. It’s just one of those things, you know? Like how some guys like redheads or some girls like blue eyes. The heart wants what it wants.

    • TheSingleFilez February 16, 2011 at 8:40 PM #

      Forgot to reply to this. Love your post lady! And how very right you are… the heart wants what the heart wants.

  18. Something She Dated February 16, 2011 at 6:32 PM #

    The truth is…height hugely bothers me…but then I’m 5’7 and the taller you are the harder it is to find guys taller than you. BUT and here’s the big one…the best sex I’ve had since this whole blogging thing happened…the best experience really…was with a dude who was 5’9. Just Sayin’. So while I think it’s a good idea to look for what you’re interested in…I also think it’s very important to keep those options open…afterall my Mr. barely taller than me (Intelligence Officer) is the only “Something” I still talk to…says something I think. Good luck though…can’t wait to hear more

  19. ana February 16, 2011 at 6:33 PM #

    I absolutely worry about my height and most of all, about my date’s height. I’m 5’9 and live in Mexico. You can’t seriously imagine what I go through in order to find men that are taller than me. Now, imagine the situation while I’m wearing high heels.

    Right now, I’m single. For me to kiss a man looking upwards is absolutely imperative. Don’t wanna feel like his mother or his big sister. So last week I decided that every time I go out to a club or just dinner with my friends, I will wear high shoes. If I ever find a man that I like, he will have to come up to my same height. At least I won’t have to worry about first dates or parties in the future. We might, as well, save each others time.

  20. sonia April 9, 2011 at 6:36 PM #

    hi

    I am 5’2 and sorry but im heightist , i prefer men tall , around 5’10/5’11+ .Ijust love the protection, and feeling cared for ,

    I just personal preference

  21. Newt April 24, 2011 at 9:23 PM #

    A LOT shorter would bother me. Or if he’d lied about his height.. I’d drop a guy for that in a flash.

    If it’s just an inch or two difference, that doesn’t bother me. Especially not if I wasn’t lied to about it.

  22. youthoughtyouhaditbad June 7, 2011 at 4:53 PM #

    I’m 5’4.75, I say I’m 5’5 because I am with shoes. I don’t really have a pickiness with a lady’s height. I don’t care about what other people think when they see us together…I care about what I think when I see us together and the warm feelings I have.

    Now I’m not nuts enough to say that I expect everyone to feel that way. I often date women around my height or a little taller. (5’6 is the height of THE ex)

    Do I think it’s height-ist? Sure. But you can’t hate on people for dating who they are attracted to. I would like it if girls shorter than me would give me a chance to woo them properly, and then decide that I’m not tall enough for their vaginas after failing to win them over with charm and wit.

    The ones taller than me I can live with them not being interested. And I don’t care if women wear heels to make themselves taller than me, not even a little bit. It makes their calves look nicer. Who am I to say no to that?

  23. Something She Dated June 9, 2011 at 10:32 PM #

    This article was awhile ago and since I get alerted to new comments on things that I commented on…it was brought back to my attention. And I’ve made a new discovery. Height is the easy route to what I’m looking for but it’s not the only way.

    The truth is…I just want to feel protected. I want to feel like a lady and I want my dude to feel like the big strong man. And he can do that with more than his physical presence. But however he accomplishes it, THATS the big non-negotiable for me.

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