Blogging To Date, Or Dating To Blog?

28 Nov

Taken from my ‘About Me‘ page;

I have a great social life and don’t let being single stop me from doing what I want to do but hey, plain and simple, I’d really like a boyfriend now.

Over the past month or so I’ve been wondering, why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through the torture that is online dating? Why am I putting myself through sending messages to guys who don’t think I’m worthy of a reply? Why am I using up my time going out with guys that I only feel ‘so-so’ about? The answer to all of the above is, because of this blog. Before I started blogging I was quite happy plodding along and getting on with life but now I’m spending a whole lot of time thinking/talking about/drawing attention to the fact that I’m single.

I have a great assortment of friends here in London. I’ve always been able to keep myself busy hanging out with friends in bars, restaurants, at the movies, basketball games, concerts or whatever other things me and my peeps get ourselves into. London is a great city to be single in, there’s always something to see or do. On the flip side, I’m also happy to be at home alone, pigging out on some good food and watching whatever is on the box. It’s obvious to me that if it wasn’t for this blog I wouldn’t be doing this dating thing on such an aggressive level.

I’m not a ‘needy’ singleton. I’m not afraid to be alone. In fact, I really quite enjoy my own company and I as said last week in my guest post on MetAnotherFrog.com, I do think there is something brilliant, exhilarating and indeed confidence-boosting about my singledom.

However, now that I’m a ‘dating blogger’ I feel worse about my dating life than I ever did before.  How’s that for irony? Whereas previously I might’ve browsed an online dating site once every few months. Now I’m on them every bloody day.  It’s almost as though I feel this invisible pressure to land dates so I have something to write about. I’ve been asking myself lately, am I blogging to date or am I dating to blog?

Pre The Single Filez, I got on with things without concentrating on my singledom. Don’t get me wrong, of course I’d think about it from time to time. Of course I’d see happy couples and wish I could experience what it feels like. It’s just that, back then it wasn’t such a huge focus. Now with my blog and with my Twitter, it’s something I’m always focusing on and I don’t think its good for the soul.

I’ve been told a million times “Mr Right isn’t going to come knocking at your front door”, “You’re never going to meet someone if you don’t date” and the age-old cliche “You gotta be in it to win it” But somehow, I felt heaps better about being single when I wasn’t actively trying to date.

Don’t worry, I’m not about to disappear from the blogosphere or anything. I love interacting with all of the new people that have come into my life since I started doing this waaaaay too much for that.  Although I am going to take a step back from the dating sites… whether or not anything will happen in my dating life without them, who knows? Only time will tell…

PS. I’m off on hols next week, so no blog posts for a little while. After reading the above, probably a blessing in disguise.

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26 Responses to “Blogging To Date, Or Dating To Blog?”

  1. The Hopeful Romantic November 28, 2010 at 1:20 PM #

    I have only had the pleasure of following you for the last couple of months so have only recently become aware of your ‘exploits’ (wrong word but my brain is fuzzy this morning). I’m sure i will speak for many who have grimaced with you, crossed fingers with you and laughed with you…but if it has now reached the point where it is not ‘fun’ (because ultimately, i think the whole process of finding and getting to know a potential SO should be) then I think you are doing absolutely the right thing in taking some time out.

    • TheSingleFilez November 28, 2010 at 9:11 PM #

      Thanks so much sweets. I’ve been putting extra pressure on myself because of the blog and because of knowing that I needed to generate content. I have been pushing myself to date when I didn’t always feel like it.

      I’m taking time out of scouring dating sites every day, but hopefully not taking time out of dating. Now is the time for me to see if I can get dates the ‘normal’ way. Knowing my luck, probably not, but I’m going to stop putting pressure on myself whatever happens.

  2. @MissMegasaurus November 28, 2010 at 3:23 PM #

    Oh lovely Single Filez. I had the same epiphany a few months ago when I wrote this: http://glamoroushustle.blogspot.com/2010/09/epiphany.html

    I hear you about the whole dating scene and I’ve been trying to begin sobriety as well, one of two websites have been canceled and I’m thinking of doing the other today (or giving it to a friend because i still have 2 months of communication to use). Don’t stop blogging though … you make me smile with your posts 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez November 28, 2010 at 7:46 PM #

      Hey lovely,

      To be honest, I’m not cancelling dating site memberships, I’m just taking a small break from them. And I’m not taking a break from dating itself, just dating websites. Here’s an opportunity for me to get out there and to try (key word being, TRY) to get dates the good old fashioned way – naturally!

      I’ll do my best to still find interesting things to blog about 😉

  3. Single In Atlanta November 28, 2010 at 4:38 PM #

    You sound like me. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just have fun with it. At least it keeps you busy not getting attached to one person.

    • TheSingleFilez November 28, 2010 at 6:42 PM #

      Hey. Thanks for reading!

      Yeah, I’m hoping that by having a break and by not putting too much pressure on myself, I’ll get back to having fun with it again 🙂

  4. Judy November 29, 2010 at 10:14 PM #

    Great post! It is true I think that when you have a reason to be thinking about dating then it will become a chore almost(probably the same for other topics too). People always tell me I need to get out there and date, but then others tell me all wistfully that I’ll never find anyone while I’m looking – so I can’t win! I think stepping back for a short while is a great idea because it will probably make it seem much more exciting whenever anything happens, instead of knowing you’re actively looking. Look forward to reading more! xx

    • TheSingleFilez December 6, 2010 at 1:34 AM #

      Thanks hun. Yes, it had definitely become too much of a chore!

  5. Sparky November 30, 2010 at 11:22 AM #

    A break is always good, go back to it when you feel like it .. enjoy the time off the sites!

  6. nicole December 2, 2010 at 6:02 PM #

    I have noticed the same thing about myself. However, sometimes I think the odds have to be better by actually going out with people.
    I have tons of single friends who complain about being single and don’t even TRY to date. At least you are being active in your life.

    • TheSingleFilez December 6, 2010 at 1:49 AM #

      Very true, I am definitely being active. I’ve heard ‘if you throw enough mud at the wall, some of it is bound to stick’… basically, if I keep dating all sorts of guys, I’m bound to meet the right one sooner or later. Problem is, online dating is exhausting and often, very disappointing.

      I’m going to see if I have any luck with meeting guys the good ol’ fashioned way!

      Fingers crossed x

  7. TheDatingFiles December 3, 2010 at 6:38 AM #

    Dating like many other aspects of life has an ebb and flow effect. I agree that you may be feeling this way because you are thinking about it all the time…and putting too much pressure on yourself. I fully support dating the old fashion way! Dating sites are a great resource, but it shouldn’t be the only one. I enjoy reading your blog and hope you will continue to write!

    • TheSingleFilez December 6, 2010 at 1:52 AM #

      “Dating sites are a great resource, but it shouldn’t be the only one.” <– I agree wholeheartedly!

      I think that the pressure to get dates because of this blog made me rely on the easy option. Online dating is an easy option, but not necessarily the best one.

      I'm enjoying my 'dating website break' but I do wonder, how will I get dates without them. Hmmm, this is going to be interesting…

  8. Something She Dated December 6, 2010 at 11:50 PM #

    I partly hear ya…hence my month long twitter/blog break for school. But on the flipside sometimes I find the blog is like a younger-shit-disturbing friend who I can blame (because she doesn’t mind) all the ridiculous and ballsy things I do for dating. Remember This: http://bit.ly/9kAPy3 Though it didn’t procure any future dates for me…it was hilarious…it was awesome…it’s a story I’ll tell my grand kids…it’s a hilarious inside (and outside) joke…and I would never have done it if it hadn’t been for the blog. Plus every time I get so so so so so so so so nervous for a first date (which BTW is every first date)…part of what keeps me from backing out is the blog. Because at the very least…I’ll have a story. And lo and behold turns out I meet a cool guy *spoiler*…Just Sayin’

    • TheSingleFilez December 20, 2010 at 2:16 PM #

      I’m down for being ballsy! I’m still giving online dating a rest but I’ll be looking at other ways to land dates. Either way, I’m still hoping to have stories to tell 😉

  9. Harriet Bond December 20, 2010 at 12:28 PM #

    I too am trying out internet dating, partly as fodder for my own blog about internet dating and partly for the sheer ‘what the hell, why not?’ factor. I must say, my experience of it so far is very similar to yours. It’s so good to read about people who are going through the same thing, if only to feel like ‘it’s not just me!’Internet dating can potentially be addictive and as someone who is prone to getting a bit obsessed with things, I have made myself some rules (such as I am only allowed to check my messages every other day, unless it’s a weekend, when I can do two consecutive days!)to keep myself sane. As you say, it’s a difficult balance to strike: you don’t want to be single forever and it’s difficult to meet single people when all your friends are already hooked up, but at the same time you don’t want to finding someone to take over your life and spoil your enjoyment of actually being single! There are no answers, but having blogs like this to read is definitely good therapy!

    • TheSingleFilez December 22, 2010 at 1:59 AM #

      Hi Hannah, I totally agree with EVERYTHING you just said. Since I started blogging, I too have discovered other similar bloggers and I also find it good to read about others who are going through the same thing.

      It’s kinda of therapeutic in a way. Makes me less alone/weird/crazy. Ha!

  10. Cougel December 20, 2010 at 9:25 PM #

    Excellent post! I feel ya on many levels. My best friend, who struggled with finding love in NY, moved to London and is going to get married soon. The difficulties of dating in NY, and how that drives us to online dating, which in turn drives us mad, gives us something to blog about, right? It’s harder when you actually feel yourself teetering out of singledom.. When u meet someone, then what? I posted a few pieces on the subject.. thought you might relate!
    Should writers tell the truth, even when they’re single? http://bit.ly/99wR8p
    Really like your blog!

    • TheSingleFilez December 22, 2010 at 1:30 AM #

      Woah. Definite similarities in our posts eh? From what I’ve heard from friends, there seems to be quite a few similarities in the struggles involved in the dating scenes in both NY and in London. The downside of living in a busy city I guess.

      Thanks for reading! 😉

  11. notcomplicated December 23, 2010 at 3:46 PM #

    Hilariously, before a date with a random I have uttered the words: “Worst case scenario, I have a blog story.” 🙂

  12. Natalie May 28, 2011 at 10:24 AM #

    I went through the same thing and ultimately it’s better to get on with your life without doing stuff to generate content because you’ll start to feel contrived and pressured. People read this because they like you and are reading about you. You’re more than dates.

  13. Muslim Dating Matt February 5, 2012 at 5:00 AM #

    “I’m not a ‘needy’ singleton. I’m not afraid to be alone.” – What wonderful words to hear coming from a clearly strong and independent woman!

    It seems that every girl (and yes, I mean girl as opposed to woman,) that I’ve dated lately has lacked that conviction and self confidence that you clearly possess. I know it takes time and possibly even the right relationship in order for it to develop, yet it seems that I’m falling for one nervous nelly after the next. 😦

    Any advice?

    • TheSingleFilez February 6, 2012 at 11:27 PM #

      By the sounds of it, it all comes down to the women you are choosing to date? Not sure I can advise you on that!

      Thanks for reading though 🙂

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