Strong, Independent and…. Lonely

13 Oct

I love reading blogs. Sometimes they make me smile, sometimes they make me laugh out loud. Others have me nodding my head along in agreement (or shaking it in disagreement) but last night… last night I read a blog post that summed up EXACTLY how I’m feeling at the moment. It was so spot on that it actually shook me up. A bit of a realisation, if you will.

Being alone isn't always lonely. But sometimes... it is.

Yesterday Jess at City Girls World, a US based blog I discovered thanks to Twitter, posted a piece entitled “Are You Lonely?”.  Normally I’d say”Lonely? I’m out with friends most evenings” or “Lonely? I love getting cosy on my sofa with a good DVD all on my lonesome”.  But after reading the post, I feel like saying it out loud  “Fuck it. So what.  I admit it. While I do love my me-time,  at the same time I am as lonely as hell too”.

I’m not online dating at the mo. I threw in the towel on the 10 Day Test once I found out it involved messaging ten guys a day for ten days. 100 guys? If you’ve ever used a dating website you will know that coming across 100 guys you would actually WANT to date is impossible.  You’re usually lucky if you come across five. Online dating is pretty much the same as searching for a needle in a haystack… bloody difficult.

On top of that, I’ve been feeling so ‘meh’ about dating recently that until seeing the post on City Girls World, I haven’t even felt inspired to blog. I’ve been busy doing great things in my career and busy planning a trip to Toronto, but the whole dating thing? I’m not feeling it at the moment, so please do excuse bear with me, I’m sure I’ll get my mojo back sometime soon.

Until then, my favourite part of  “Are You Lonely”…

You can be a strong, independent and fulfilled woman. And you can feel lonely without love in your life. Embrace that feeling too, the loneliness, because if you cannot admit to what is missing in your life, you are very unlikely to find it.

It’s ok to want love, to hope for it, and to seek it out. And it’s ok to feel lonely and frustrated while you wait for it.

Yes I may have a great social life, yes I may own my own flat, yes I may jet off on holiday whenever I can. I do have fun, I do enjoy a busy, fulfilling life. But, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel lonely. It doesn’t mean I don’t wonder if this is how it’s going to be for me, forever and ever…

To see the article in full, head on over to, say Hi to Christie and Jess and tell ’em I sent ya.


12 Responses to “Strong, Independent and…. Lonely”

  1. Jess of October 13, 2010 at 1:45 PM #

    I’m so so honored that you enjoyed the article. And talk about timing…. I have been having my own struggles with blogging lately after some negative reactions to a recent post. Your positive reaction came at the best possible time. Talk about serendipity. In the meantime, it sounds like your head and heart are in the right place. I really look forward to reading along as you jetset and (most certainly) find love too.

    • TheSingleFilez October 13, 2010 at 11:45 PM #

      Sorry to hear you had negative reactions to a recent blog post, that sucks. Glad to hear though that my being totally enamoured with your post came at the right time for you. Like you said, serendipity!


  2. HoneyB October 13, 2010 at 2:26 PM #

    Hola, great post! I am 100% in the same exact boat right down to the very detail. At 1st I thought maybe something is wrong w/ me, am I becoming crazy? But to have read your post it has helped me to know I’m not a lone in these thoughts.

    Thank you :o)

    Oh & p.s. Your blog & city girlz blog inspires & motivates me. I only hope my blog (which I’m re-organizing) will be as wonderful.

    • TheSingleFilez October 13, 2010 at 11:33 PM #

      Thanks for reading and commenting. That’s the great thing about these blogs eh? Realising you’re not alone in how you feel.

      Don’t worry girl, you aren’t crazy. Lonely, but not crazy 😉

  3. Brooke Farmer October 13, 2010 at 11:59 PM #

    I completely relate! I am out all the time and I know some amazing people. But that doesn’t take away from the desire for someone to curl up in bed with at night.

    • TheSingleFilez October 14, 2010 at 11:18 AM #

      Yup! Someone to curl up in bed with, someone to go on holiday with, someone to say ‘hey, there’s a cool event happening at the weekend, shall we go?’ to. *Sigh*

  4. Christie of CityGirlsWorld October 14, 2010 at 12:52 AM #

    Jess is very wise–I get most of my best advice from her!! Another friend also reminded me, about a year and a half ago when I jumped back into the dating pool, that dating can make you more lonely–lonelier than just being single and adopting cats as a favorite pastime.

    I remember thinking: “really?” and then, several weeks later “wow. I never remembered it being this hard and feeling so alone.”

    However–embracing it and marching forward? Totally helped me!! A year and a half later I’m with a great man. I didn’t want or need him at the time, but he reminded me what life can be like. So, I feel like there is hope both ways. Single and in a relationship. Stick with it!

    • TheSingleFilez October 15, 2010 at 9:55 PM #

      Jess is very wise indeed. Loved the post! I agree with the whole “I never remembered it being this hard and feeling so alone”. The dating game isn’t what it used to be in my teens and twenties,
      that’s for sure!

      I always march forward, I ‘do’ me and I have the utmost fun doing it too. But yeah, loneliness still likes to rear its ugly head from time to time.


  5. singlegirlie October 14, 2010 at 6:05 PM #

    Oh, honey, I get it. The loneliness is certainly the worst part about being single, even if everything else is fabulous. But relationships are tough, too. There can be a lot of drama. Seems the grass is always greener, isn’t it?

    • TheSingleFilez October 15, 2010 at 10:12 PM #

      “The grass is always greener on the other side”, such a true saying. However, for me, in this case I hope I have the opportunity to be able to experience what “the other side” is actually like.


  6. Wonderful October 15, 2010 at 5:51 PM #

    I always admit to my friends that I’m lonely, and even on my blog. I, like you, occupy my time doing plenty of things, but sometimes the feeling consumes me (like on Friday evenings or Sundays – I don’t know why those particular times!) and I even get sick of myself complaining that I’m lonely. But I guess all we can do is plod along…

    • TheSingleFilez October 15, 2010 at 10:18 PM #

      Sometimes I totally adore my own company. Sometimes I want more. Totally sucks doesn’t it? Imagine how much worse it would be if you lived alone too?

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