Wanted: Fireworks

27 Sep

Over the past week or so quite a few of my Twitter friends have been asking me about Older Guy. I guess it’s to be expected. I hyped him up so much in the beginning that it’s only natural people are going to be curious now. Well, if I’m totally honest, there hasn’t been any developments since I wrote ‘Confused? Moi?’ a couple of weeks ago. The only thing that has changed since then is that I’m a lot less confused now. Now I know for sure that whilst he is a lovely guy, this thing with O.G. really isn’t going anywhere.

A date with fireworks: would be nice

Despite him suggesting we don’t date other people, fireworks are still nowhere to be seen. We’ve gone out twice in the past fortnight and not once was the subject of our dating situation brought up. He’s still reserved (shy maybe?) and not at all the affectionate type I’m used to. There still hasn’t been any exciting,  flirty late night conversations or text messages and the only time we speak on the phone is to arrange our next meeting. A friend I spoke to recently made a very good point; she told me “exclusive dating should be happening between two people who communicate at least every day or two and who get together at least a couple of times a week”.

And its not like I haven’t tried to give it a chance. He’s a nice guy and there were things I liked about him (he’s older, he’s thoughtful, he’s got his shit together etc) so I didn’t want to be too hasty because I’ve had the excitement and the fireworks with guys in the past and none of those stories have ended well. But after nearly two months of dating and no improvement, it’s time for me to admit that O.G is not going to be ‘the one’.

Thing is, I need to tell him this and I’m dreading it. A male friend of mine reminded me “He’s not your man, you’re only dating. You’re not in a committed relationship with the guy”. That’s true, but I did agree to date him exclusively so that’s a ‘sort of relationship’, isn’t it? I owe it to him to tell him something. I’m still trying to figure out what to say…

“I’m happy to hang out with you from time to time but I think we should go back to dating other people…”

“I don’t think its working, it’s been over two weeks since we agreed to date exclusively but it’s all so ‘meh’…”

“Dude. Let’s get real, we are just not that into eachother…”

I can’t imagine any of this being a huge surprise to him. I’ve not called him since the last time we went out but, he’s not calling me either. Surely he must feel the same? Surely he must feel that things aren’t amazing between us? The whole ‘fairytale and fireworks’ scenario tends to be more of a female thing, but men feel it too, right?

No romantic chemistry and definitely no fireworks. If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. I can’t force something that’s not there. That wouldn’t be fair to me… or to him.

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12 Responses to “Wanted: Fireworks”

  1. Sparky September 27, 2010 at 3:23 PM #

    Ah its a pity but you will feel so much better once you’ve finished it, as you say he may be feeling the same so it might be easier than you think. Good luck!

    • TheSingleFilez September 28, 2010 at 8:50 PM #

      Considering we haven’t spoken in over a week now, I’m going to assume he definitely feels the same way too. At least it makes it easier eh?

  2. mychickenfeed September 27, 2010 at 5:00 PM #

    don’t think about it too much. we generally know the answers to most things before we take the action, we just delay through fear. My take is if you feel the need to say something, then say it, and be honest in a kind way. No guy can ask more than that. Head held high…you can move forward now….

    • TheSingleFilez September 28, 2010 at 9:53 PM #

      Hey. Thanks for commenting! You are definitely right on the whole delaying through fear thing. I think the fact that he hasn’t called me yet is making it easier for me to not deal with and (guiltily) push that episode under the carpet.

  3. Solo @ 30 September 27, 2010 at 6:24 PM #

    You’ve dated for 2 months and still don’t feel that special something for him. He only communicates to set up dates. It sounds to me like it’s not really an exclusive relationship in actuality.

    I think being honest is best: tell him what a nice and thoughtful guy he is. You enjoy his company. Yet you don’t feel that extra something to take this “relationship” further. If you’re candid and kind, that’s all anyone can ask, like mychickenfeed said.

    Maybe this is the beginning of a nice friendship for you two. Don’t force it to be more if you don’t feel it.

    • TheSingleFilez September 28, 2010 at 10:00 PM #

      This is perfect “tell him what a nice and thoughtful guy he is. You enjoy his company. Yet you don’t feel that extra something to take this “relationship” further.”

      That is exactly the sort of thing I will say, except I’ve not called him and he’s not called me. The lack of communication is making it even more difficult for me to find the balls to say this to him. For now, I’m going to lay low and see what (if anything) happens.

      Thanks for your wonderful words, as always!

  4. Kay September 27, 2010 at 7:07 PM #

    Do be honest, with him and with yourself. A lack of chemistry is most usually something felt (or not felt in this case) by both people. My Shy Guy experience had me holding on to it because he was perfect on paper…but there were no fireworks whatsoever, and I found myself relieved when it was over. I suspect he felt the same way.

    • TheSingleFilez September 28, 2010 at 10:03 PM #

      Hi Kay, welcome to the blog!

      I agree. He’s not stupid. He *must* feel it too. I suspect this is why he’s not calling me either. That’s the thing isn’t it?The whole ‘perfect on paper’ thing. We like the idea of having someone special that sometimes we try and tell ourselves ‘fireworks’ aren’t what is important. When in fact, they count for quite a lot…

  5. Something She Dated September 28, 2010 at 7:47 AM #

    Good for you, you gave it the old college try and now you know what’s up. So where to from here? Well I would vote no on your first two choices and maybe on the third (though I would say it’s best to keep it about how YOU feel no chemistry and not try to speculate on how he feels).

    Since you did agree to exclusivity, unfortunately I think you definitely to step up and proactively say something. For reference no matter length of time, if you hadn’t been exclusive I would have said you could simply just cease contact and should he contact you then you’d have to tell him. But as it is now…you need to dial that phone…and the sooner the better…rip the bandaid.

    But.

    I beg of you. DO NOT TELL HIM YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS unless YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO BE FRIENDS. If you just want to keep him on the back burner for a lonely saturday or something while then you’ll have to pick and choose your words but otherwise I’d say cut them ties girl! And Solo gives some great suggestions…

    He’s lovely
    You’re just not that into him (or softer…you just don’t feel a chemistry [which you feel is necessary] to continue dating)
    It’s been a slice and good luck in the future.
    and then you’re done. Onto greener pastures 🙂

    Keep us posted!

    • TheSingleFilez September 28, 2010 at 10:39 PM #

      I heart you I do! As always, everything you say leaves me with something to think about.

      I totally hear you, on all of the above, as far as the ripping the bandaid thing. Easy in theory. I just need to put it into practice.

      Yep, I shall keep you posted for sure 🙂

  6. PersonCalledMe September 28, 2010 at 1:38 PM #

    I fully hear you on the fireworks thing. There’s no point dating someone if at this early stage you’re not excited to see or speak to each other. This is definitely a ‘not that into you’ situation on both parts.

    • TheSingleFilez September 28, 2010 at 10:15 PM #

      Exactly. It’s still early stages, this is supposed to be the time that its all new and exciting. It just wasn’t meant to be. Back to the drawing board!

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