It’s been awhile since my last Older Guy update. I admit, I’ve been too busy reminiscing about the past, been too busy sharing stories about the last time I felt really and truly excited about a guy. The reason for my trip down memory lane in ‘The One I Thought Could Be The One” (Parts One, Two, Three and Epilogue) was because I’d been thinking about how I don’t have the same feelings about O.G. (Older Guy) that I had when I was dating The Potential One.
I enjoy O.G.’s company and I see that he’s a good guy with a good heart but for some unknown (annoying) reason I still don’t have ‘that’ feeling about him. This isn’t a new thing either, I even touched upon it in previous blog posts. In ‘I Got Issues’ –
I had started to have doubts about Older Guy. Doubts that now, I realise were just my own little warped way of ‘protecting’ myself; me making excuses, trying to find reasons to back out, trying to find things wrong with him. “He’s too short”, “I’m not sure about how he dresses” “He’s not that confident (cocky) alpha male type I’m used to”, “Do I really like him, or is it that he was just the best of a bad bunch on POF?”
In Courting, Am I? –
I’ve been out with Older Guy six times and he’s definitely a lovely guy. Problem is, although I enjoy both his company and his kisses, I’m still not 100% sure about him. Not sure like I was about The Potential One after say… date number three.
It’s confusing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this confused about a guy before. Usually either I like a guy or I don’t. With O.G. I like him but I’m not sure if it could turn into anything. If I don’t think it can turn into anything, am I wasting both mine and his time? Or because he’s a nice guy, do I give it more time to see if anything changes? To try and get some clarity put together a pros and cons list, who doesn’t love a good list?
Pros
- He’s an absolute gentleman
- He lets me know (verbally) he’s interested in me
- We have a nice time when we hang out
- He’s a good kisser
- He’s family orientated
- He’s sorted himself out professionally
- He’s definitely looking to settle down
- We like the same music
Cons
- He’s reserved, not as affectionate as what I’m used to
- He’s not my usual alpha-male type
- He’s the same height as me in heels
- He has a terrible memory and I have to repeat everything at least 137 times
- His style is a bit hit and miss
- He’s not as adventurous with trying new foods as I am
- He goes to sleep early – not had even one flirty, exciting late night conversation (I thought these were standard)
- No cute, flirty, romantic text messages
- It’s hard to describe, but something just hasn’t clicked, romantically
The cons are some superficial bullshit, right? I want to bitch-slap myself looking at what I’ve just written. To be honest, the most important, is that something just hasn’t clicked between us. I’m sure it’s down to my personal tastes – He’s quite reserved and well behaved. We don’t talk that much in between dates, no late night convos, no good morning text messages etc. There’s no sense of urgency, no sense of familiarity. I don’t know if it’s a good thing of a bad thing . I mean, with the Potential One, it was all of that (plus more) from the very beginning, but where is he now eh? However great it was at the time, it wasn’t exactly something with lasting longevity was it?
Since coming across books such as ‘The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough” and “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s A Good Thing)” I’ve been open to the idea of dating someone out of my comfort zone. This is what I’m doing. O.G. might not be my ‘Mr Perfect’, but I’m trying to go with the idea that he could be my ‘Mr Good Enough’. Maybe the sparks and the butterflies will come in time? If I’m able to get past the lack of excitement and affection, that is.
The crazy thing is I do like him. I wouldn’t keep seeing him if I didn’t. A couple of weekends ago I logged onto POF and saw that O.G. had updated his profile pics. My heart actually plummeted, I went to sleep with it on my mind, I confronted him with it the next morning…. that’s how he ended up suggesting we only date eachother.
Are you confused yet? I sure bloody am…
The Single Filez 
I’m in the same boat with a guy I’m seeing (Prez in my blog). He’s Mr. Good Enough but that’s not what I want … I want Mr. I Can’t Live Without Him. In my theory, the sparks don’t just come over time, that only happens if a guy starts off as just your friend, which obviously Older Guy did not. You’ll know when you’ve met your man, and he’s just not it. Date him if you want but keep your options open. You’ve found that great love once, you’ll find it again. Read my post about soulmates, something just might click!
http://glamoroushustle.blogspot.com/2010/09/true-soulmate-closes-door.html
Yes, I’ve been following your adventures with Prez! How strange that we’re going through such similar situations. Thanks for sharing hon 🙂
I absolutely love reading your blogs, not only do they allow me indulge in your single tales and reminisce on my dating days but they always make me chuckle.
This recent blogs is EXACTLY how I felt about my current BF and I mean exactly. He was definitely not my normal type and ticked a few boxes but not the boxes I thought I needed ticking…but 3 years on we are still very much together. So yes from time to time I flirt with the idea of being single but I know for sure he is the one (I think).
Thanks for taking the time to comment sweets, it’s good to hear from ya. You’ve been with him for THREE years, wow! See that’s the thing… I don’t want to write him off for all of the reasons above just in case he is my ‘Mr Good Enough’.
You’re living proof that a guy doesn’t need to tick all of the boxes to be a guy you can have a long relationship with!
There are some things that just can’t be explained. Your mind will play tricks on you and your heart will outright lie. Find the place that’s neither your feelings or your thoughts, and listen to your instincts. You’ll know what to do ,-)
Best
JFB
Thanks for reading Jack, I feel privileged! 🙂
Yep. I’m going to keep going with the flow and see what happens.
After spending 5 years with someone who doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, I wouldn’t be so quick to say:
“He goes to sleep early – not had even one flirty, exciting late night conversation (I thought these were standard)
No cute, flirty, romantic text messages.”
is superficial. Every girl deserves to feel like she’s the last the thing he thinks off before he goes to sleep even if he is BSing and staying up till 3am playing video games.
I personally think it’s very important he makes you feel loved/special. He can’t be bothered now when he’s trying to win you over, how is he going to be in 10 years time?
That is a *very* good point. If he can’t be bothered now after only a month and a half, what would he be like in the future??!
To be honest, I’m not sure it’s that he ‘can’t be bothered’, I’m just getting the feeling it’s just not really ‘his style’.
Either way, it’s not really working for me!
I was with a guy for a couple of months like what you’re describing, lovely guy but I just didn’t feel any butterflies when I was with him, thought maybe it was better to be with this guy than no one, we both stopped our online profiles too, but for me it just wasn’t working so I stayed friends with him but thats all! I’ve since met 2 guys that gave me butterflies, although they turned out to be like your potential one I’ve no regrets!
I get the feeling you could have a blog too, Sparky! We’ve been through lots of similar situations.
I totally agree with you. The guys who have given us butterflies but turned out to be huge ass-wipes in the past… it can be frustrating and disappointing when it doesn’t work out but still, no regrets! Each one teaches us something… and hey, those butterflies and that chemistry can feel pretty damn amazing at the time eh?
How’s it going with the slow-moving-guy?
I know, my friends keep asking me to do a blog, my dating life has soooo many dramas! Slow moving guy no. 1 is gone (never even kissed him after 3 dates!), slow moving guy no. 2 I haven’t heard from in a few weeks … very very slow!!
I agree with your reservations. The odd flirty communication can be the build up to things. it gets the adrenalin and enthusiasm going. I dont veen like when a man I am seeing doesnt put a kiss on the end of a text so think you are being far too hard on yourself. I totally agree with Miss City Girl, if he isnt going ALL out to make that kind of effort now – what will he be like when he pins you down :)I also couldnt bear repeating myself! so frustrating as it makes you feel like you arent being listened to , a bug bear that should happen much later on. never settle for someone – you are way better than that !but maybe enjoy it and see where it goes – things may change and feelings may develop. good luck xx
Hey Lis! Thanks for commenting hun. You’re SO right about the adrenalin and enthusiasm thing… at the moment there just isn’t the excitement that should be there after only dating for six weeks!
Hehehe, I’m glad I’m not the only who gets annoyed at constantly having to repeat herself. I keep thinking it’s because he’s older than me. They say memory get’s worse with age, right? LOL
I hear you. I may want to be in a relationship, but it doesn’t mean I should ‘settle’. I’ll give it more time and see what happens x
Another quality post. Hi-five (don’t leave me hangin’). Tuppence:
Penny 1) There’s nothing wrong with dating in a non-exclusive fashion but I find if I really like a girl I don’t want to date anyone else. The competition fades to grey.
Penny 2) That memory thing. In my experience it points to either a disparity in investment or a genuinely rubbish memory – some people are forgetful. I mean, can he run his business with that level of memory failure?
Hey JohnBoy. Hi-five back at ya!
Thanks so much for reading & commenting. As usual I don’t disagree with your tuppence worth. My response –
Penny 1) While I do agree there is nothing wrong with dating in a non exclusive fashion, I personally don’t find it easy to do. If it’s a guy I’ve dated only once or twice… no worries, I’m a dating machine. If its a guy I’ve dated four or five times… it feels like something more and I feel uncomfortable dating other guys too.
Penny 2) It’s just a personal thing for me. I have a crazy photographic memory and find it frustrating always having to repeat myself but hey, while it’s annoying, it’s not a deal breaker. I’d never dismiss a perfectly nice guy for that reason only.
When it comes to O.G. it’s the lack of romantic chemistry that’s doing really my nut. Seems I only have that sort of chemistry with the guys who don’t amount to anything. Psshhh.
Please don’t settle! No “Mr Good Enough”! Someone famous and wise (no idea who) said that when you feel that you are just SO LUCKY to have met a person, that’s when it’s right. So I guess you just have to ask yourself, “do I feel lucky?” = )
Christina
Hey Christina. Thanks for reading/commenting 🙂
That’s a great question to ask myself… to be honest, right about now, the answer would be a big fat NO!
That tells me all I need to know doesn’t it? Hmmmmm…..
I loved reading your blog post! I think if you imagine whether you would rather go with somebody else if you easily could, it will answer your question! Or may be, you like him for right now. 🙂 Good luck!!!
Thanks so much Lena!
I do think its a case of liking him for right now. I don’t see it as a long term thing. I’ll keep enjoying his company for now and just see what happens.
x
I agree with ALL of the other comments! Also, if you find yourself analyzing the relationship…it’s NOT right! You should feel totally, 100% happy. I’ve dated a Potential One and Mr Good Enough, and I know that I will never, ever settle. The butterflies totally trump the lackluster feelings. Find someone you deserve! 🙂
I still feel it’s early days yet. But its a case of, do I continue to stick with it thinking it may improve? Or do I come to the conclusion if its like this now at the stage where I’m supposed to be feeling giddy and giggly?
I’m going to see him a couple more times to see how I feel x
Chemistry with your partner shouldn’t be downplayed. This shouldn’t be confused with sexual infatuation, which waxes and wanes over the course of a relationship. I’d want to be with someone who’s more than a match of several boxes on my checklist. Because when it comes down to it, what’s most important is the living, breathing man holding your hand and sharing life’s adventures, and connecting with your soul. Don’t settle. Wait for the butterflies.
I’m waiting, yes STILL waiting for the butterflies…
When you’ve felt THAT feeling before, its hard to accept anything less. You can’t force it though. If you aren’t feeling it, I say move on or just enjoy him for what he is until you get that feeling from someone else (but be honest with OG about what your relationship is and what it isn’t).
“When you’ve felt THAT feeling before, its hard to accept anything less”
Amen to that sentence! Exactly what I am feeling… 🙂