Courting, Am I?

10 Sep

To court someone. Courting. Courtship.

What does it mean?

I remember the term being used by my Nan when she was alive. I remember her asking if my friend Matthew was ‘courting me’ – at the time I responded with an embarrassed sounding “Noooo” with the usual teenage petulant attitude (little did anyone know the things Matthew and I used to get up to when we weren’t watching Manga cartoons) but honestly, I didn’t know what she was talking about and I really still don’t know what it means.

Yes, I know it’s an old fashioned term for dating but is it the same thing as dating? If not, what exactly makes it different? Is it something we still do in 2010? How do we know if we’re just being taken out on a regular date or if we’re being ‘courted’?

It goes without saying that Google is my friend. I hardly ever ask a question these days without consulting my dear dependable search engine buddy first, and this is what I managed to find –

Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval.


Not really like this anymore, is it?


  • I’ve been out with Older Guy six times and he’s definitely a lovely guy. Problem is, although I enjoy both his company and his kisses, I’m still not 100% sure about him. Not sure like I was about The Potential One after say… date number three.
  • I had a major freak out when Older Guy invited me to his friends BBQ after only three dates but I admire the fact that it didn’t put him off inviting me to his friends 40th birthday party next week (I talked myself into saying yes, FYI).
  • This week there was an incident (details to follow in a future blog post) that lead to us having discussion about ‘not dating other people’. The outcome of that convo was that we’ve now agreed we’re ‘officially only dating eachother’.

What exactly does this mean? And why does he keep wanting me to meet his friends? Are we ‘officially courting’? (See Wiki entry for ‘courting’ above and replace the second ‘engagement’ with ‘serious relationship’). What do you think?  Please share your thoughts…


5 Responses to “Courting, Am I?”

  1. Skye Blue September 10, 2010 at 7:01 PM #

    I’m not sure if you’re courting, but re him wanting you to meet his friends isn’t that generally a good sign? An indicator that he wants to include you in his life?

    And I also think meeting his friends may help you to clear up where you stand on things with him. Seeing who his friends are and how he interacts with them will tell you a lot about him. So perhaps this is more of an opportunity than something to be nervous about.

    Finally, regarding what the whole ‘offically only dating each other’ thing means – i think that is something that only you and he can really answer.

  2. Dragonessa Fiore September 10, 2010 at 9:08 PM #

    I see courtship as the time when a relationship has moved from casual to meeting friends and family, and becoming seriously involved in each others lives. To me, its that phase between dating and engagement when both take the relationship seriously and treat each other with the intent leading to marriage.

    Im very traditional though, and really do believe in courtship. My ex-bf stole my heart when while talking to my daughter about something he said “When I first started courting your mom…” Man, I just finally got over that guy, dont make me reminisce like that LoL!

    • TheSingleFilez September 11, 2010 at 8:54 PM #

      @SkyeBlue That’s the problem… I’m not sure how I feel about him, so the idea that he wants to include me in his life worries me a little. The recent posts about the ‘Potential One’ were brought on by me reminiscing about how it felt to be *really* excited about a guy.

      If I was as excited about Older Guy as I was about The Potential One, I’d be jumping for joy.

      @DragonessaFiore Ex-bf sounds smoooooth. (Sorry, won’t make you think about him anymore. Mwah!)

  3. Something She Dated September 15, 2010 at 12:31 AM #

    Okay so now for these considerations…

    1. okay so you’re not 100% sure like you were about the potential one…except wait…you were wrong about the potential one…so why would you even want to be THAT kind of sure about anyone else right? but either way…life is fluid…nothing is ever certain…you enjoy his company and his kisses??? well that’s enough to keep dating him and see what happens yes no?

    2. Glad to hear you accepted the subsequent invite 🙂

    3. Unless something has changed since question one (like you’ve suddenly become much much more into him) OR you’re both interested in a speedy committment for reasons of (wanting to have sex without condoms, wanting to focus solely on one person at a time, or whatever other good reason there could be for only see each) I strongly advise against this (though I feel as though it’s a past tense thing in which case…oh well right :)…can’t wait to read the post that explains this more though 🙂

    Keep enjoying that company and those kisses I say 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez September 17, 2010 at 12:15 PM #

      1. True, The Potential One didn’t work out but it’s not about the guy, it’s about the way he makes me feel. I’d like to be able to feel that way again… no matter who the guy is. I’d like to really ‘click’ with a guy, I’d like to have the laughter, the silliness, the closeness, the flirtiness, the crazy feelings of attraction again.

      2).The party is tonight! I’m interested to see what it will be like 🙂

      3).I would like to focus on one person at a time, but a person with potential. The more time I spend with O.G. the more I think it’s not him. For now, I’ll keep enjoying his company but hey… we’ll see?

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