Yes, Gentlemen Do Still Exist (Part 2)

11 Aug

Thumbs Up!

At 6.57pm Older Guy called to say he was downstairs – no BPT here, he was ON TIME! Not only had he turned up three minutes early (impressive) but he had already booked a table (more impressive) AND he was a complete gentleman the whole evening (I’m like, SO impressed here).

We had dinner at a Chinese restaurant and then we went onto a bar to chill out and chat some more. We talked music (he ended up giving me the CD that was playing in his car because I kept going on about a track I loved), we talked TV (some similarities), we shared disastrous online dating stories (I totally won, obviously), we briefly spoke about past relationship experiences, we talked about what we thought about eachother so far vs our online dating profiles (he likes the fact I change my hair a lot, random but true) and we even talked about where to go for our next date. Yes, ladies and gents, you read correctly… we talked about date number THREE which, if it actually goes ahead, will be my first third date since starting this blog. But, let me not get too head of myself here… back to the date at hand.

So when we touched upon past relationship experiences, I was faced with having to answer the dreaded question “So when was your last relationship?”. I seriously HATE it. I hate telling new guys that I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. Inevitably it always comes up. I date a guy, sooner or later (usually sooner) they will ask “how long ago was your last relationship?” or “how long did your last serious relationship last for?”. I dread it every single time. Being 33 yrs old and never having had a serious relationship before makes me sound like some sort of serious emotional retard. I really do feel it goes against me, but unless I’m willing to tell a huge big lie, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, I have to be honest. I get annoyed when people automatically put the blame on me “Are you too fussy/picky?” is the usual one. Older Guy came out with the one, he asked “So, what’s up? Are you scared of commitment?”. Grrrrr. I mean like, what the hell is wrong with me? Shit, if I didn’t know me, I’d wonder what the hell is wrong with me too. It doesn’t make sense. I’m not unattractive, I’m fun, I’m kind, I’m hard-working and independent, I’m good in social situations, I’m normal. So why on earth am I the only adult I know who has never experienced being in a relationship? Anyway, enough of the ‘woe is me’ stuff. I’m totally going off topic… back to the date.

He was surprised when I told him I’ve never been in a long term relationship before. But then, so is everyone I tell . He didn’t really push it and I wasn’t about to start volunteering detailed information so I just said the same thing I say to everyone, “I guess I haven’t met the right guy yet”. Other than that, the conversation was good, topics flowed nicely and in the midst of it all, I managed to find out some interesting things:

– His last relationship lasted for eight years, they lived together but broke up two years ago.
– He’s never dated someone as young as me before. The biggest age gap previously was five years.
– Just last week he booked a trip to Barbados with his friends. They’re going in October (I’m so jealous!) but how strange… similar travel tastes or what?
– He likes watching Coronation St (Ummm…) but he totally makes up for it by also liking 24, Heroes and Smallville.
– In the spring/summer months he goes for one hour jogs around the park… everyday.
– He’s quite fussy about food and he doesn’t eat anything he doesn’t like the look of. (Not a plus point, I LOVE food and I love trying new things!)
– He suggested us being Facebook Friends, I diplomatically said ‘hmm maybe not’. Just because my FB is for friends and fam and it feels too early to let him into ‘my world’.
– He enjoys my company and thinks I look even prettier (and younger) in real life compared to my photos. Yay!

The old me would’ve made more out of the fact that his clothes weren’t quite ‘to my tastes’, but the current me (still feeling inspired after reading Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough) knows that his clothes aren’t important. That’s what shopping trips are for, right? And anyway, I’ve dated plenty of uber-stylish guys in the past but where are their worthless asses now eh? Exactly.


25 Responses to “Yes, Gentlemen Do Still Exist (Part 2)”

  1. Dazediva August 11, 2010 at 11:29 AM #

    Sounds like you had a lovely time !
    There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not having been in a serious relationship .. each person has their own perception of what ‘serious’ can mean .. so don’t fret on it so much
    Enjoy his company; have fun on the 3rd date and then you can keep us posted on so much more 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez August 11, 2010 at 11:50 PM #

      Yep, I had a lovely time indeed. Here’s hoping there’s many more to come. Thanks for commenting hun!

  2. Laydee_TT August 11, 2010 at 11:45 AM #

    Oooh how exciting!! *insert love struck bbm face here* I’m loving Mr Older Guy’s proactive dating methods. Looking forward to date no.3 update.

    • TheSingleFilez August 12, 2010 at 8:10 AM #

      Exciting indeed! Still early days yet… Hoping that date no 3 turns out to be even more positive 😉

  3. You're not the only one August 11, 2010 at 12:01 PM #

    Ok… So you never met an adult who has never experienced a relationship…
    Yes you do know someone… and I understand you perfectly… It’s not you dont want to commit, it’s not you are picky…
    It’s just that in reality you’ve never met the right person for you and your personality means you are a person who prefers staying alone rather than be ok-ish with someone…
    What you want is just to feel love …. and that’s never happened…
    But the thing is, even though it’s annoying when people say you’re picky or whatever, it’s normal they ask you that…
    Be honest, and imagine your older gentleman guy saying to you I have never had serious relationship… What would you think?
    IMO, and I’m like you, I’d automatically think something is wrong… even if I like him… how stupid???
    But true, it’s normal he that he asked…
    Anyway good luck and I hope this one will be your first real relationship!

    • TheSingleFilez August 12, 2010 at 8:17 AM #

      You hit the nail on the head – I’m not ‘too picky’, I do want commitment but I haven’t met ‘that guy’ yet so I prefer to be alone then to be with someone just for the sake of it! There have been times when I thought I may have found ‘that guy’ but they’ve not felt the same way.

      Very true. I agree that if I met a guy who said he’d never been in a relationship, I would be suspicious too! That’s why I said above that “If I didn’t know me (and everything I’d been through), I would wonder what was wrong with me too!”.

      Thanks for your best wishes xx

  4. Lafayette August 11, 2010 at 1:27 PM #

    So what else happened, kiss at the end of the night?Are y’all still in communicado in the meantime between time?

    • TheSingleFilez August 11, 2010 at 11:59 PM #

      Wow. You guys are greedy huh? Nope, no kiss at the end of the night. You know I would’ve been shouting about it if there was! 😉

  5. Wendi B August 11, 2010 at 2:20 PM #

    WE ARE KINDRED SPIRITS!!! I too have only really had what I call ‘involvements’ and no long-term constant relationship. More often than not I lie and give and say maybe 2 years has been my longest, but I’m not going to do that anymore.

    • TheSingleFilez August 11, 2010 at 11:56 PM #

      There are way too many similarities in our dating lives! Freaky. I’ve never lied about my lack of past relationships but hey, it’s an idea… I wonder if it would make a difference?

  6. babycoops August 11, 2010 at 3:53 PM #

    I did the ultimate serious relationship and got married and even that didn’t work out lol i think theres a lot to be said for waiting til you’re 100% sure about commiting to Mr Right (and not just mr right now)

    Loving the sound of the older guy it’s filling me with hope that somewhere out there decent men do still exsist! they are just hiding from me!!

    Hope date no 3 is as good if not better than the first 2!! x

    • TheSingleFilez August 11, 2010 at 11:57 PM #

      Sorry to hear about the marriage hun. Yes, we’ve got to live in hope that decent men do still exist. Mind you, I’m not putting all of my eggs in one basket just yet. It’s still early days with Older Guy, most guys I meet tend to be sweet and keen at the beginning. I’m going to wait and see how this one plays out…

  7. Sparky August 11, 2010 at 4:41 PM #

    Sounds like a great date! If it helps I’m 36 and never been in a serious relationship either, also about 3 of my single friends also never have been so you’re not alone … you just haven’t settled for a so so guy .. thats a good thing!

    • TheSingleFilez August 11, 2010 at 11:53 PM #

      I’m honestly the only adult I know who has never been in a serious relationship, so it’s easy for me to to think there is something wrong, but its sooo good to know I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  8. Kev August 11, 2010 at 6:17 PM #

    Yup, I’m with @Lafayette – come on, fess up: Late night kiss or what?

    • TheSingleFilez August 12, 2010 at 12:01 AM #

      Lordy. As I said to Lafayette, I would’ve been shouting it from the rooftops if any juicy kiss-related action had taken place. But alas, no. He really was a ‘gentleman’ the whole evening long.

  9. Something She Dated August 11, 2010 at 7:58 PM #

    Okay…well…I like organization so here’s my thoughts 😛

    1. What does BPT stand for? (I only recently learned about IMO and FWIW so don’t mock me :P)

    2. I love that he’s clothes weren’t “quite to your tastes”…I totally get this…with the older guy (aka Trucker Joe 😛 because although he looked like abercrombie and fitch on the first date…the shirts aren’t always quite as cool…I mean…still if 10 is A&F and 1 is Hawiian shirt…he’s a 7-9 but still…I get it)

    3. (feel free not to answer but if you do…I may…MAY…be able to offer some advice on how to spin what you’re working with…then again maybe not…)…it’s in regards to the “why” of not having a long term relationship

    3A. First let’s make sure we’re all talking terminology…how long were your longest 3 relationships (include regardless of exclusivity b/c I don’t think that’s an definer of a relationship)

    3B. Who ended the relationships and were reasons given (if him) or what did you feel the reasons were (if you)

    3C. What are the 3 most important things you want out of life (living forever is not an option :P) and the more specific the better

    again feel free not to answer but I’d love to understand you better and/or be able to offer advice if I can (guess I did get psych degree for something afterall 😛 mom and dad would be so proud :P)

    and btw…I don’t think there’s the slightest thing wrong with you (more so than is wrong with the rest of us…us being the world…I mean)…I just think maybe you can’t see the forest for the trees and thus can’t offer a good reason when asked an uncomfortable questions (but just remember as well…he’s probably not judging you…he just wants to know you better 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez August 12, 2010 at 12:54 PM #

      Hey lady! Wow, this is a comment to end all comments. Ok, let me start at the beginning:-

      1) BPT. Sometimes known as CPT. It’s actually a very bad racial stereotype. An ‘in-joke’ if you will. It stands for black peoples time or coloured peoples time (I hate when we’re called “coloured” FYI). In other words, it means late! It’s not an internet acronym. It’s a phrase that has been around for many, many years.

      2) Arrgh, the clothes! Well, date 1 was after work so he was wearing a smart shirt and smart trousers. He looked good – maybe a 7? Date two was at the weekend, me – I like to get dressed up on a Sat night, I wore a casual but cute black playsuit with wedge shoes, he had on an old looking black t-shirt, black trousers that looked like they belonged to a young boy’s school uniform and I never quite figured out the footwear?! That outfit was a 4/4.5. A nice smart pair of jeans and a nice t-shirt/shirt would have sufficed, no? I’m interested to see what he will wear on date 3…

      3) Hmmm… to make this one easier, what I will say is that I’ve never been involved with a guy for longer than three months. There have been a couple of guys where it was ‘on and off’ over a longer length of time, but never for more than a few months each time. It tends to be them who finishes it. Mostly they do it by disappearing off the face of the earth – found out by hidden girlfriends or wives? Gone back to their exes? Freaked out by the idea of getting serious? Or just plain old not interested? Who knows. I hardly ever get feedback, which is the frustrating thing.

      You know what? I’m going to continue this conversation via email. Look out for an email from me!

  10. lisa August 13, 2010 at 2:50 PM #

    i am so engrossed in this! loving it! i love that you are being open minded about the whole style thing – i tend to let things like that put me off to but you are right its good to be a bit less judgemental etc. sounds like you are having fun with him. totally agree about the face book thing – its too much too soon – you just know he would be having a right old route around lol. aww keep us posted – really enjoying it xxx

    • TheSingleFilez August 15, 2010 at 12:20 PM #

      Thanks hun. Yes, about the Facebook thing… that would be too much too soon. Too many pics from fun drunken nights out with my girls, lol!

  11. Dragonessa Fiore August 14, 2010 at 6:49 AM #

    This guy sounds ultra cool, ultra fresh! LoL! I really like the sound of him so far and looking forward to date #3 to!!

    Im not sure whats worse…not having been in a long term relationship and moving onto the next, or spending years with someone only to hear them say, or see them do what they should have 3 months into the relationship before I got so emotionally involved. They both suck I think…ahhh!!!

    Our time will come…but youre closer than me right now so Im gonna live vicariously through you 😉

    • TheSingleFilez August 15, 2010 at 12:23 PM #

      Fingers crossed our time will come… and soon!

  12. delightfuleccentric August 14, 2010 at 3:28 PM #

    Yay! 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez August 15, 2010 at 12:24 PM #



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