Book Review: Lori Gottlieb’s ‘Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough’

23 Jul

A couple of months ago I wrote about what I’ve since learnt is a hot topic for lots of single women today, the ongoing internal battle on whether to settle for Mr Good Enough or to keep on searching for the notorious ‘Mr Right’.

Waiting for Mr Perfect…

In the post I referred to Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough, a book by Lori Gottlieb and as promised, I bought the book and had a good read of it whilst I was away on my solo adventure.

The book features Lori exploring a major issue that faces women today – how you do deal with having a strong desire for a husband and family but at the same time not wanting to settle for anything less than the perfect man? Lori believes that single women everywhere need to stop chasing the much sought after Mr Perfect and instead opt for Mr Good Enough.

Book blurb: You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven’t found The One just yet. Surely he’ll come along, right? But what if he doesn’t? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn’t realize it?

I enjoyed reading the book but while it did make an interesting read, I was slightly surprised to discover that I disagreed with a lot of of what Lori was saying. Mainly for two reasons: firstly, because I’m not on a huge mission to get married. I don’t know why but, even though I do love a good wedding, I personally don’t see marriage as on the cards for me (maybe a subject for another blog post?). Also because secondly, unlike a number of female case studies in the book, I’ve never experienced having that ‘good enough’ guy who I stupidly dumped to go in pursuit of Mr Perfect. I’ve never actually ‘had’ anyone. *Insert sad smiley face here*. However, those main two factors aside, there were quite a few parts of the book that struck a chord.

Here are some of my favourite passages from “Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough”. Passages I feel echo my own personal thoughts, feelings and experiences. Or ones that at least got me thinking:

Whether we admit it or not, being single is often lonely, especially by the time we reach our mid-thirties and many of our friends are busy with families of their own.

So many women say they’d rather be alone than settle, but then they’re alone and miserable – and still holding out for the same unrealistic standards. They assume their soul mate will appear and it will have been worth the wait. Then they’re blindsided and shocked when that doesn’t happen. And it’s too late

Women never want what’s available. If they can’t find the perfect guy at thirty, they move on to find something better. But they don’t learn from this. Even if they’re still alone five years later, they get pickier.

I’d always heard that dating gets harder the older you get, but I’d never really taken it seriously before. I didn’t consider that one decision – say, passing up a good guy because “something was missing” – could change the course of my life forever.

The conclusion I came to is that Lori’s saying ‘Mr Perfect’ doesn’t actually exist and who you think might be ‘Mr Good Enough’ could actually be ‘Mr Right’ in disguise. Definitely worth bearing in mind and, definitely worth a read.

Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb is available from all good book outlets.

3 Responses to “Book Review: Lori Gottlieb’s ‘Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough’”

  1. delightfuleccentric July 28, 2010 at 2:45 AM #

    Right there with you, sugar. Do I want someone in my life, someone to love and to love me? Hell Yes. Do I want marriage, a house in the suburbs, and 2.2 kids? Not so much. Do I want to SETTLE? Well, I’ll save you from the curse words spewing from my mouth at the thought. Yes, I think that women a lot of times need to get out of their own way and give up on some unrealistic expectations, but I don’t think we should lower the quality of what we expect.

    Thought you would enjoy this article:
    I love this part: “No offense Lori Gottlieb, but F you. Thank God you’re not a playwright and weren’t alive in the 16th century and that your existence didn’t cancel out Shakespeare’s, because I’m pretty sure “Some Guy and Juliet” wouldn’t have had the same emotional resonance.” Heehee!!
    Be sure to read the comments – just as entertaining and thought-provoking as the article. Case in point: “If you excuse me, someone is trying to stick their man parts through the hole in my gate, and I must keep up my duty as “sexual gatekeeper” and quickly decide if I should lead them to the entrance with glow sticks or hack off their genitalia with a rusty saw!”
    HA!! 🙂

    • TheSingleFilez August 5, 2010 at 10:49 PM #

      I’m a strange one. Even though I’m not someone who fantasizes about getting married, I do still want to have kids with that special someone in my life.

      The book does make you see how sometimes women are very guilty of having unrealistic expectations, but I also agree with you we shouldn’t have to ‘settle’. I hate that word – settle!

      As for the article, the comments are HILARIOUS! Thanks for sharing.


  1. Tweets that mention Food For Thought – Lori Gottlieb’s Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough « The Single Filez -- - July 23, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by New Book Reviews, The Single Filez. The Single Filez said: *NEW BLOG POST* Food For Thought – Lori Gottlieb's Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough: […]

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