Can I Call Myself Celibate Yet?

19 Jul

Look up celibacy in the dictionary and you will see a photo of me looking right back at you. Big cheesy smile and everything. The Webster’s Dictionary definition of celibate is 1: an unmarried status. 2: abstaining from sexual relations. So, yep, I’m totally there on both counts.

Apparently I’m in good company because it seems the likes of  Lady Gaga, Lenny Kravitz, Peter Andre, Britney Spears and Colin Farrell consider themselves celibate too. I should make it clear, I’m not complaining about my current status because I know it’s own choice. I know that, at the end of the day, if  I really and truly just wanted to have sex I could go and find a willing participant in a club, bar, outside of my local KFC or by using the safest option – browsing through my Facebook friends list.

But, that’s not my style at all. I’m not sure if it means I’m part of an endangered species but, I’m someone who believes sex means more than that. Call it a bit of the ‘Charlotte York syndrome’ if you must but, I’m definitely a little ‘traditional’ when it comes to sex. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying that I want to wait to be married before I next knock boots with a guy (No Siree!) but what I am saying is that it’s gotta mean something. We don’t necessarily have to be deeply in love or anything but I’d prefer not to have to be chucking some random Tom, Dick or Harry out of bed halfway through the night because I can’t stand to see the sight of him.

Last year’s summer flings in Barbados aside, the only men I’ve had sex with have been guys I thought were going to be around for awhile. Guys, who at the time, I was seeing and generally spending lots of time with. On each occasion I thought it was going to be something that lasted, but it never did. More fool me, it was never more than a few months before something went wrong. So what has emerged from those experiences is a 33 year old who has never known what it’s like to experience sex within a long-term relationship.

I manage to get some here and sometimes get some there but mostly there tends to be a reeeeeaaaally long time in between hits. I’m talking 2 years and 7 months at the longest point (yikes!). I’m currently standing at 1 year and 3 weeks; is that long enough to call myself celibate? I think so. If not, surely I have the right to call myself a ‘born again virgin’?

Oh and I’ve never had a fuck buddy either. Never been in one of those ‘friends with benefits’ situations. I mean, sure, I have had a couple of ‘FWB’ offers over the years but I’ve never taken anyone up on it. I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea. Sheesh, maybe I’m actually more like Charlotte York than I’d like to admit?

“How can a person have really hot s-e-x with someone they don’t even like?”  Charlotte York, Sex And The City, 2002.

What are your thoughts? Am I missing out? Please do share your fuck buddy stories with me. Let me know, should I get with the ‘FWB programme’ or continue working on the great relationship I already have with my Rabbit? (PS – Can I still call myself celibate if I have sex with a rabbit? Answers on a postcard….)

17 Responses to “Can I Call Myself Celibate Yet?”

  1. Skye Blue July 19, 2010 at 11:53 AM #

    Girlfriend, you are definitely celibate. From what I’ve read you can claim that title after 6 months.

    Although I hear you on the sex meaning something thing, I also know that sometimes a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do. Unfortunately, some of us women aren’t always the best at maintaining the status quo on a FWB situation and have to find creative ways to manage our crazy. In my case that has sometimes meant calling it quits, soon after getting out of the starting gate. Here’s a link to one such story …

    In any case, if your rabbit is working for you, I say hang in there til you find the right bloke or feel comfortable getting down with a not-so-right one.

    • TheSingleFilez July 19, 2010 at 3:30 PM #

      Love the blog post! That’s a sure-fire warning of the side-effects of getting into an FWB situation if there ever was one?

      I’ll stick to my rabbit for now, thanks.


  2. rubywildflower July 19, 2010 at 12:36 PM #

    Oh honey – forget it. Get yourself a block of chocolate and gobble up! You’re certainly not an endangered species by any means! I’ve found myself so used to not having any dirty shags that when presented with the opportunity I automatically turn them down! Ooops!

    Although (as per Ms Bradshaw) I also just wanna feel the weight of a man.

    • TheSingleFilez July 19, 2010 at 3:40 PM #

      Mmmmmmm… chocolate.

      (Thanks for the comment Ruby!)

  3. singlegirlie July 19, 2010 at 7:28 PM #

    Geez, I’m at four months and thinking I’m celibate. Getting very antsy, too. Argh argh argh.

    • TheSingleFilez July 19, 2010 at 8:37 PM #

      Only four months? You’re just showing off now. Grrrr….


  4. pillowchats July 21, 2010 at 4:21 AM #

    TV always makes us think that 6 months without sex is forever, but for most people in the “real world”, not having sex for 6+ months is completely normal.

    Ruby is right – chocolate!

    • TheSingleFilez July 22, 2010 at 6:05 PM #

      I’m so glad that I wrote this post. All of your comments have made be realise that I’m in good company and that I’m totally normal. Yay!

  5. Solo @ 30 July 21, 2010 at 6:59 PM #

    You aren’t missing out! Sex without feelings is empty; while it may be exciting as all get out in the moment, too often regret lingers when you realize that there is nothing more than sex between you and your lover. Embrace your celibacy until you meet a man worthy of your body’s gifts. 😉

    • TheSingleFilez July 22, 2010 at 11:33 PM #

      I like that. “A man worthy of my body’s gifts”! Let’s hope he shows up sometime soon eh?

  6. itneverrainsinseattle July 22, 2010 at 9:34 AM #

    Still married, but soon to be divorced. And sex is a part of the reason.

    My wife claims to be interested in sex. Just not with me.

    This coming August will mark three years since the last time. Celibacy is highly overrated.

    • TheSingleFilez July 22, 2010 at 11:36 PM #

      Wow. Three years, you win!

      But seriously though, sorry to hear about your divorce.

  7. Brooke Farmer January 3, 2011 at 11:55 PM #

    I’m such a whore.

    After six months I thought the world was going to end if I didn’t have sex so I totally went out and made it happen.

    • TheSingleFilez January 4, 2011 at 9:27 PM #

      Shaaaadddup! You are so NOT a whore.

      You just have a stronger craving, more of a deeper need for chocolate cake. My chocolate cake comes with conditions. That’s all


      • theromanticrealist April 3, 2011 at 2:44 PM #

        well technically I am celibate then.. according to that definition. it’ll be ONE YEAR in a few days.

        that’s why I’m craving it so much… and trying to push my “i get attached when I do it” self away so I can just embrace myself in some pleasure.

        • TheSingleFilez April 3, 2011 at 9:17 PM #

          I wrote this post July 2010, so I’m coming up to two years now. It’s been so damn long that I don’t even crave it anymore.

          Sad times 😦


  1. You can get cobwebs down there, you know « DelightfulEccentric - July 21, 2010

    […] sex Damn it, I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about this for several weeks now, and The Single Filez beat me to it! (She also wrote a post about interracial dating, which I’ve been meaning to write about…it’s […]

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