Italian Guy, Fail

3 Jun

A few nights ago, I had a second date with Italian guy. Although I had reservations after the first outing,  I thought it was only right to go out with him a second time if only to make sure my first impressions were correct.

My first impressions, were indeed correct.  Yes, he was a  nice enough guy but no he didn’t ‘do it’ for me. Sweet but no sparks. Banter but no butterflies.  I met him at a train station this time and the moment I saw him I knew there wasn’t going to be a third date. Not wanting to be rude I went with the flow and just tried to enjoy the evening. I thought that we could still have an enjoyable evening despite the fact I wasn’t interested in him in ‘that’ way, and we did.

The problem was, he didn’t feel the same way. He made it very clear that he was interested. He even sent a text when he got home saying that he had a lovely time and he’d like to see me again. Now, this is the part I’m bad at. The part where you have to let somebody down gently. The part where you have to let someone know that you’d really rather not see them again. What do I say? How do I say it? God, I’m such a big fat wuss when it comes to these things. Luckily for me, Italian Guy saved me the trouble of having to confront my wussy fears. He gave me the ammunition for a perfect get-out-clause. He showed his insecurities. Oh yes, boy, did he show his insecurities.

Yesterday evening I got off the phone after a 1.5 hour phonecall with my cousin (What, 1.5hrs is perfectly acceptable, we only catch up once every couple of months!) to discover I had an “Hey, how is your day going” text from Italian Guy. Fine. However, within a minute I got a notification from Plenty of Fish telling me he’d messaged me on there too. A text AND a message on POF? That’s kinda weird. Well, not as weird as what I saw when I logged onto POF. (Please do bear in mind, English is not his first language)

I actually understood everything since yesterday but I just gave myself the doubt beneficiary.
What surprises me it’s just your way to avoid the topic and talking to me.
Anyway this how it goes…
I believe that we’re not going to see each other again so I just would like to wish a nice trip in NY and good luck in your life.
Bye

My response was something along the lines of “Woah. Huh? What?”. Avoiding what topic? What do you mean? Please explain. He replied to say,

I had the gut feeling that you don’t want to see me again based on the fact that yesterday you didn’t mention it and today you didn’t reply to the message I’ve sent you across few hours ago

Guys freak out over phone communication too. Who knew?

By this point I’m thinking “Oh hell to the no, is this dude is really having a freak out just because I didn’t text him back right away!?”. He was acting like not hearing from me for 1.5 hours was the same as not hearing from me for 1.5 weeks, and after only two dates? Apparently because I replied to his “I’m home safe, I had a lovely time with you, it would be nice to see you again” text with a “Glad you got home safe, have a good night” I was ‘avoiding the topic. of meeting up again. Maybe I was, but to be honest, at the time I was way too busy watching the Lady Gaga episode of Glee to think too deeply about how to ‘avoid the topic’.

Oh well. NEXT!

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4 Responses to “Italian Guy, Fail”

  1. borntowalkalone June 3, 2010 at 7:25 PM #

    The trend these days is to attribute what this guy did to his own insecurities when in fact, he is likely behaving as a result of a pattern established through various interactions, some of which resulted in rejection and others acceptance. Granted, 1.5 hours is pushing it in some circles, we’re talking about a text message. When technology is at your fingertips, a quick message is simple. An unanswered text eats away at us minute by minute.

    What you see as an insecurity, I see as a guy beating you to the punch. He gave things the benefit of the doubt at first, but then came to his senses. Instead of him sitting around twiddling his thumbs over mixed signals, he made the decision to read silence as disinterest, something I have to admit is one of my own rules. You should have nipped it at the point prior to that date where you did not want to be rude. Should have declined. One can issue a decline without being rude, obviously.

    Your let down stage was delayed. Whenever you prolong the period between last contact and non-interest, you must realize there is a good chance the other person is living in a world of perceived interest. You’re going to have to start being more straight with people you meet on POF. If you haven’t noticed, mixed signals are common topics of discussion in the forum there.

    If we all went through life using butterflies as our guides, we’d be screwed. I would recommend limiting your “feeling it” instincts to a minimum. An off night is an off night. Everyone has ’em. Lots of people are simply afraid to let anyone in, hence, no butterflies. While that may not be you that particular night, butterflies don’t like certain situations and will refuse to come out and play (without even giving you a reason). The nerve.

    Sometimes we create our own hell. Other times, hell finds us. On to the next one.

  2. TheSingleFilez June 4, 2010 at 1:13 PM #

    Yes, insecurities that he no doubt has as a result of previous interactions. We all have them, however, its how we deal with them that can affect personal relationships going forward.

    Yes, technology is at our fingertips these days and yes sending a quick message is very simple. However, as mentioned, I was on the phone speaking to my cousin. So I did not see the text message until afterwards. That was the cause of the 1.5 hr delay in responding. His freak out at the time it took for me to respond doesn’t bode well for me, if he’s like that after only meeting me twice I would hate to think how demanding he would be in a relationship.

    As for my ‘let down stage’ being delayed and the period between ‘last contact and non-interest’ being prolonged, as mentioned in my last blog about this guy. I thought he was nice but wasn’t 100% sure if there were any sparks. I thought I owed it to myself to meet him again just to make sure. Sometimes you meet someone you initially may have written off to discover, you actually quite like them. Sometimes it not always obvious, sometimes it takes time for that to happen.

    As for your recommendation that I should limit my “feeling it” instincts to a minimum, I’d rather not thanks. I quite like my feelings and I’d never even want to ignore them.

    I’m afraid that I disagree with all of the points made in your comment. However, I appreciate you reading the post and appreciate even more that you took the time to share your thoughts. Have a great weekend!

  3. borntowalkalone June 4, 2010 at 9:08 PM #

    I understand being on the phone with your cousin delayed the response. Not saying you are to blame for it. Speaking more in a general sense that technology is at our fingertips, so replying to a text message takes very little effort. My only point was that there was no way he could know you were on the phone with your cousin. I simply saw a slight overreaction on both sides. He shouldn’t freak out after an hour and a half, but you’ve got to realize what an hour and a half of silence feels like. Two sides to every story, after all.

    Guys are trying. We really are. I only mention letting your gut feelings slide a bit because we are often left overthinking things, on both sides.

    I see a lot of these kinds of dates talked about on forums. Just trying to help you ease into them with a little different perspective. I hate to see so many people make the same mistakes over and over again. It doesn’t help the online dating crowd as a whole. There is a domino effect, however slight it may be, so your interaction with this guy may produce unwanted results for the both of you in the near future. It happens. Otherwise, dating forums would be wastelands.

    Maybe I just read too much of what other people are saying. Sorry if I come across a certain way. I tend to pick up on trends. I’ve been trained to do these things and question them when such trends arise. It’s become second nature.

  4. delightfuleccentric June 11, 2010 at 11:54 PM #

    Hmm…

    First – I feel like I could have written most of this post, and I may have. The whole “nice guy, not sure, give it another chance, nope nothing, oh crap now what do I do because he wants a third date.” But, overall, I do believe in the second date, because that first date, so often, is so full thoughts and expectations and, yes, feelings and insecurities. First dates generally suck. Second dates either suck less or suck more – then you know.

    On to comments from borntowalkalone – yes, 1.5 hours can absolutely feel like a lifetime. Been there. But then I remind myself that maybe he’s at the gym, or at a family dinner, or on another date, or he dropped his phone in the toilet. So, a couple hours, even though it sucks and you start to wonder about it, is still not a big deal. Now, a couple of days? That’s another story.

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