My Bullshit Radar Is Wack

31 May

As we get older and more experienced our radar for bullshit gets stronger. At least, that’s what we hope anyway. My problem is that just when I think I’m getting better at picking up on signs something happens to throw a spanner in the works. To be honest, even after all these years, I still think I don’t have a bloody clue.

There was a guy I dated last year whose ‘full of bullshit’ signs I stupidly chose to ignore because he seemed sweet. More fool me. Then, there’s Mr PAYG, one of this years dating disasters whose bullshit I documented in detail here and here. When I look back on it, I knew the signs weren’t that great after the first date but yet I still went on the second one. Once again, more fool me.

Is it that my bullshit radar is waaaaay off? Or is it that I chose to ignore the full of bullshit signs in the hope that actually “he might not be that bad” or “there might be a good explanation for that behaviour” or the most likely “I might miss out on a good thing if I don’t give this guy a chance”?

Bullshit Signs?

Last Saturday I had plans to go on a date with a guy I’m going to call ‘Fit Irish Guy’.  Fit, because he’s a PE teacher and because in all of the messages I’ve received from him on DatingDirect.com he talks about having played some type of sport that day – football, basketball, running etc. Basically, he sounds like the type of guy that would make me feel like a right lazy bastard.

Is he really that interested? Fit Irish Guy and I had been exchanging messages for about a week before he suggested meeting up. I’d spotted his profile and took the first step of sending him a message. He replied and the message exchanging began. However, he never seemed overly enthusiastic, maybe one message a day. There was never ongoing back and forth conversation, even if we were online at the same time. With this in mind, I was genuinely surprised when he suggested meeting up.

Does he really want to meet up? Firstly he suggests meeting on the one date I’d already said I couldn’t do (weird). Then when suggesting another date option, he also asks “Do you have any single friends that you want to bring for my friend?” (weirder). I laughed out loud at that one! He wants to make our first meeting into a double date? What, is he too scared to meet me alone? My first thought was “no, my friends would barf at the idea of a blind date”, secondly I’m thinking “dude, I know nothing about your friend”. To me a double date/first date sounds awkward. Also, what if his friend is hotter than he is? He obviously didn’t think that one through. To top it off, a minute after texting me to tell me his friend is “Italian, 5′ 8″, got a maths degree and is a good social talker for occasions like this”, he then followed it up with another text saying “Probably best to leave it to us two, my mate isn’t feeling well. I’m looking forward to meeting”.  Huh?! Now he’s just confusing annoying me.

The ‘last minute drop-out’ move. I should also mention that he went quiet when I asked where and when we should meet. So much so that I had to follow up with another text on date day asking “what are the plans for later?” With the above points in mind, I was not one bit surprised when I received a text message from him saying “Can we leave it 2nite please, I feel like shit and can’t face coming into central London.” I wasn’t surprised at all. In fact, I was kind of expecting it. I’d already picked up on the bullshit signs.

After I received his text, I replied pretty much straight away saying “No worries, lets leave it then” and not having received a “let’s re-arrange for another time”, or “sorry to let you down at the last minute” message from him, I assumed that was that. The End.

But oh no, that would be too easy right?  Fit Irish Guy then decides to throw a spanner in my bullshit radar signals by sending me a text message saying “Really sorry about not meeting tonight, I hate letting people down but its been a long week and it all caught up with me. Hope you’re having a nice evening. I would like to to meet up at some point if you want to try again!”.

If I give it another go and give him a chance will I just be letting myself in for another shower of bullshit? Do I ignore the previous signs? Should I ignore the lack of enthusiasm, the weird double date/first date scenario, the letting me down at the last minute – all just in case there is a chance he turns out to be okay?

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3 Responses to “My Bullshit Radar Is Wack”

  1. borntowalkalone June 1, 2010 at 4:00 AM #

    No shows seem to be getting more and more common in the online dating realm. Lots of complaining going on. My guess is, ladies are picking all the wrong fellas, so yeah, the bullshit radar is probably a little wonky. The first level on your BS meter with this guy should make you lean towards wondering if he’s married or dating someone else. That kind of thing gets in the way of scheduling an additional rendezvous, obviously. The sick routine seems to be another popular excuse, whether it be a sick friend or relative. Course, there is always a chance I’m wrong. He could be telling the truth. I mean, I know I tell the truth all the time and absolutely hate it when people don’t believe me.

    If I could ever get an exchange going like you had, I’d most definitely be prepared to meet in person. More often than not, my luck runs the other way, left with an inbox so empty, it rivals the void present in the depths of outer space. A good match only comes along once every two to three months, at best. Once I initiate contact, I either get the silent treatment or exchange a couple of messages before she cuts off communication for reasons unknown. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not the perfect man. I don’t expect to get along with everyone, but I do expect a few nibbles every once in a while.

    I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that I have been the innocent victim of some haywire bullshit radar. I approach with nothing but honesty. I’m really starting to lose sympathy for all the women out there making mistakes and having such a bad time. Sometimes I think you all bring it on yourselves.

    • TheSingleFilez June 1, 2010 at 11:09 PM #

      Hey there, thanks so much for taking the time to comment on this post and for taking the time to share your personal point of view.

      Regarding your thoughts on him possibly being married or dating someone else; yes its definitely a possibility and nowadays nothing surprises me but I cant automatically assume that about every slightly aloof guy I come across on these dating sites.

      I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he really was feeling crappy that day. He’s contacted me numerous times since and we’ve now set up a lunch date. If he lets me down again, then at least I will really know he really is full of bullshit. However, until then I’ll give him another chance. Like you said, he might have been telling the truth.

      As for your experiences, I’m sorry that you get the silent treatment or your communication gets cut off with no explanation. Sometimes that happens to me too, I believe thats just online dating. I just keep on going and try to make something happen with the ones who DO take the time to respond to me. The ones who don’t reply to me, they’re obviously not the right ones as far as I’m concerned!

      “Sometimes I think you all bring it on yourselves”? That sounds like a healthy attitude – not. Women make mistakes and have a bad time, just as men make mistakes and have a bad time. Generalising and painting people with the same brush by using “you all” statements is never a good path to go down!

  2. borntowalkalone June 2, 2010 at 4:25 AM #

    Fine. Alter my comment to read “Some women” instead of “you all.” Anything that makes them take more personal responsibility for the things they get themselves into. As somewhat of a veteran online dater, forums are overrun with stories like yours.

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