Is “Nice” Ever Enough?

24 May

I had another date over the weekend. A “coffee date” with a cute Italian guy from POF. “Coffee date”? That’s a new one for me. A date with no alcohol involved? According to it’s “a relaxing way to meet someone new without having to give up a whole evening”. Hey, that works for me.

Who Is He?
‘Italian Guy’ is someone I’ve been speaking to for just over a week on POF. He’s 33 (yay, someone my own age!) and he’s been in England for one and a half years. He lives in a town outside of London and told me in a phone conversation before the meeting that he doesn’t actually ‘like’ London, its “too busy, too crowded and there’s too much confusion”. Considering how much I absolutely love London, that’s kinda a major sticking point from the get go.

We had a phone conversation a couple of days before meeting and he seemed nice enough. Conversation flowed, we laughed and all was hunkydory until I mentioned I was hoping to get my hair done on Sunday he asked “will you be having dreadlocks?” Huh? What? Yes my dears, it was time for my ‘WTF face’. Why would he automatically suggest ‘dreadlocks’? I really hate to play the race card, but it is blatantly because I’m black. You think he would have asked that if I was white? I understand that not everyone has been educated on ‘afro hair’ but seriously dude! Anyway, that hiccup aside, the phone conversation was nice enough.

The Positives
– He’s 33 years old, the same age as me. I was hoping it means he’s more mature and that there won’t be replays of “Pussy Boy” and “Mr PAYG”.
– He looked cute in his profile pic, always helps.
– He’s Italian – quite liked that, something different right?

The Negatives
– Doesn’t like London. This could be a problem
– Only one photo on POF which is a pet peeve of mine. A head and shoulder shot doesn’t exactly give a clear picture of who you’re talking to.
– The ‘dreadlocks comment’ irked me. I won’t lie.

The Date
The date nearly didn’t happen thanks to London Transport’s weekend engineering works and to be honest I wasn’t particularly fussed either way. Sounds harsh I know, but I wasn’t hugely excited about the date. I went along anyway and had a nice time. ‘Italian Guy’ was sweet, polite, very stylish (Italian shoes, jeans, Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt, expensive looking sunglasses) and had a sense of humour. It all went okay, nothing to get excited about but nothing horrible either. Nice guy and good conversation however I wasn’t thinking ‘wow’ and I wasn’t thinking ‘yuk’. He’d like to meet up again but sparks didn’t fly as far as I was concerned.

Is “nice” ever enough? Generally chemistry happens quickly with people who are meant to click, so if you don’t feel the spark of something special within an hour or two is it likely that you might not ever?

2 Responses to “Is “Nice” Ever Enough?”

  1. delightfuleccentric May 25, 2010 at 1:41 AM #

    I wrestle with this, too. Should I give someone another shot when the date is just…”okay”? I don’t know. Maybe he’s nervous. Maybe one of you had a bad day, and you need to give it another chance. Maybe there will be sparks during that second date. But if there’s not – definitely no third date.

    • TheSingleFilez May 25, 2010 at 9:26 PM #

      Yup, another date is in the diary. I thought about it and realised I’ve experienced ‘sparks’ from the get-go before and where are those guys now eh? Decided he was nice enough to warrant a second chance so I’ll see how date number two goes and take it from there…

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